Beween the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
by Kathryn Adkins
Summary: Disclaimer: Characters created by Joss, and such multifaceted characters! Sometime after Tara's death and before the potentials whom I hated. Very annoying. Story focuses on Spike and new love interest, Bella. Buffy... too cruel to him. Mean Buffy.
1. Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

_I don't want you  
  
But I hate to lose you  
  
You've got me in between  
  
The devil and the deep blue sea  
  
I forgive you  
  
'Cause I can't forget you  
  
You've got me in between  
  
The devil and the deep blue sea  
  
I ought to cross you off my list  
  
But when you come a-knocking at my door  
  
Fate seems to give my heart a twist  
  
And I come running back for more  
  
I should hate you  
  
But I guess I love you  
  
You've got me in between  
  
The devil and the deep blue sea _

_"Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" by Harold Arlen  
_  
The phone call had surprised Giles. "I can help you," said the smoky, female voice at the other end. He had been napping, actually dozed off while researching the Hellmouth, a task that had once been of interest but now of pure neccessity.  
  
"Who is this?" He wanted to sound controlled, deliberate. The shakiness of his voice betrayed him.  
  
"My name is Bellona Grimaldi. You know someone named Angel?" she asked. Giles straightened up. Of course he knew Angel. "Well, he seems to think I can help you. I can close the Hellmouth. I can help you save the world."  
  
He scrambled to his feet and gave her the directions to his house. _Grimaldi... Grimaldi..._ Why was that name so familiar? He tried to throw the dishabilled house into some sort of order before Miss... Grimaldi? _Where had he heard that name?_ Before Miss Grimaldi arrived.  
  
It was shortly before two in the afternoon when he heard the doorbell chime. He had just put a kettle on to boil. He could at least have the graciousness to offer her some tea while she was visiting.  
  
When he opened the door, he was surprised by what he saw. From the rich, smokiness of her voice on the phone and the cock-sure attitude with which she had approached him, he wasn't expecting someone so... slight.  
  
"Miss... Grimaldi?" Every time he said the name, thought of it, something in his subconsious tugged at him.  
  
She stood all of 5 feet tall and couldn't have weighed more than a child in grade school. She was in black from head to toe...leather jacket, pants and fitted t-shirt . Her black hair hung down her back, glossier, more radiant than any he'd ever seen. It was thick and lush... the kind of mane you could just bury yourself in and...  
  
He couldn't believe how distracted he was by her physical presence. There was something terribly disconcerting about her.  
  
She pulled her dark sunglasses partially down her nose to reveal jewel- green eyes.  
  
"May I come in?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, yes, of course, of course. Please," he ushered her into his home. "Cup of tea, Miss Grimaldi?" He offered holding out an arm for her jacket. She shook her head and told him she'd rather keep it on.  
  
"I'll take that cup of tea, though. You'll steep the leaves directly in my cup, Mr. Giles." She didn't quite ask as much as direct.  
  
"Of course. Please, come sit," he offered as she followed him into the kitchen.  
  
She sat at his kitchen table as he poured the water into her tea. _He seemed worrisome, _she thought. Typical, uptight British Watcher. All tweed, tea and that air of arrogance despite the scent which struck her first and foremost. _Fear._  
  
"You're afraid of me, Mr. Giles," she said as he placed the tea in front of her. Her eyes met his and although she needn't see his reaction to know his answer, she noticed the tinge of fear darken his blue eyes.  
  
"I'm..." he paused, "I'm unsure of you, Miss Grimaldi. Where have I heard your name before?"  
  
He sat across from her and added a bit of milk and sugar to his tea. She sat motionlessly watching as he rattled the spoon in the cup to stir. After several tedious moments, her hand was suddenly on his. It was cool and dry. She stopped the stirring and held him in her gaze.  
  
"I'm sure that you've come across my people in your studies." Her hand had disappeared and she was now toying with her own tea.  
  
Her... _people?  
_  
"Oh, I'm sure you've heard the cheesy old chant," she told him. "We'll grant your wishes, grant you your dreams... Daugthers of Juno, Grimaldi Three."  
  
He had lifted the cup to his lips... but never took a sip. He was gobsmacked.  
  
"Thought that might jog your memory," she smiled a slight smile as she took a long draw from her teacup.  
  
_She wasn't, she couldn't..._  
  
"Yes, Mr. Giles. I am a descendant of the legendary Grimaldi Witches. My mother, Teofania, brought me here from Italy shortly after I was born."  
  
"And your father?" He really needn't have asked. She knew everything he was thinking. One of the perks of being her.  
  
"My... father. Oh, my Mr. Giles," she began with a tinkling laugh. "Trust me, I am the only one, living or dead, who can help you now. But you have to keep an open mind and you have to learn to trust. Can you do that, Mr. Giles? Can you trust me even after you hear all the... ugly... details?"  
  
He had the feeling she was choosing her words and using her language with much care. He thought that she would be much rougher, more urbane than she was coming off at that moment. Maybe to put him at ease before issuing the final blow.  
  
"You see, Mr. Giles, I was told that you needed my help. Angel told me all about you, the Slayer, and the..." she started laughing heartily now. "The _witch_." She was in full roar now. She found so much humor in calling Willow a witch.  
  
"What I can show you would leave Willow breathless... she has no idea what magick can do," she explained.  
  
Giles sipped his tea through wide eyes. She was unsettling. She knew his thoughts before he spoke them. Was he in her thrall?  
  
This brought on more laughter on her part. She was swirling her cup and watching its contents as they sloshed about.  
  
"Oh, Rupe," she sighed, finding herself relaxing and which put him at ease. "I can really dig you, man. If you were in my thrall... you wouldn't have the wits about you to even think such a thing. No. You are not _enthralled_. And I don't know why a Watcher with your tenure is acting like such a damned lilly. I'm sure you've seen worse than me."  
  
Worse than her. Yes. But it was the fact that he had no clue what this woman was that had him unnerved. A witch, yes. But something else. She had an unholy beauty to her. Smooth, skin... smooth tanned skin. But it was so translucently thin. It was tight around her muscles, tissues and bones. Her eyes had an eerie, unnatural yet vaguely familiar glow.  
  
"Oh, look!" she exclaimed, tilting her teacup toward him. "Good news... I'm here to stay. And none of us will be dying anytime soon."  
  
"You can see that in the leaves?" he asked, skeptically.  
  
"Nah. I can smell it. And feel it. In the bones. The leaves... they, well... they say that Big Bad isn't too far away."  
  
He wanted her help. And he could feel that she could help him. But he wasn't prone to trust. Trust was a whole other thing. A witch, a powerful witch given her bloodline, could certainly be a boon to the group. What would the others say? Buffy had made it clear that she was calling the shots. He didn't imagine that this one would be one to fall in very easily. And then the issue of her father. Who was that? What was with all the circumlocution?  
  
"Know what, Rupe? I got a man to see about a dog... read all about _dead _old dad ," she waved her hand in the air and a large manilla envelope appeared, "in here."  
  
He grabbed it from midair where it floated above her fingers. It was thicker than it had looked.  
  
"It's all in there. I'll come by tonight and we can go to Buffy and the others together."


	2. Algebra and Annihilation

They were all sitting around the large, round oak table of the Magick Shop not sure of why they had been called there by Giles.  
  
"What do you think it is, Buffy?" asked Dawn.  
  
Buffy thought about the earlier conversation she'd had with Giles concerning Spike. She was sure it had something to do with him. He was leaning languorously in the doorway taking in huge drags from a Marlboro Red. Didn't seem to care if he was there or not. But she knew that he wouldn't have been invited if this didn't have something to do with him.  
  
"I dunno," she lied to the her sister. "Probably just Hellmouth stuff."  
  
"To Hell you 'dunno,' " Spike accused as he flicked the butt into the street.  
  
"Litterbug!" Xander grumbled.  
  
"Heard that, Harris..." He stopped. He felt such an iciness come over him that it surprised him. Was dead already. Not supposed to be affected by cold or heat. But this iciness, he could not place.  
  
Giles was walking up the sidewalk with someone. A child? A child with a cigarette in her hand? No... something wasn't right. He moved from the doorway and joined the others at the table. He watched cautiously as Giles held the door open for the small woman and then invited_ invited_ her in.  
  
He was struck by her beauty. So small and more delicate looking than anything he'd ever seen. Not even Buffy had looked so small even at her weakest. Didn't smell weak, though. Shrouded by something... something... not light. Not one of them. Not one of him. He tried to act aloof but once he caught her eye, he was sucked in. He actually shivered. Tried to shake off whatever that feeling was that he couldn't place. Tried to brush away that scent that had no sense of familiarity but all too much.  
  
"Buffy, this is Bellona Grimaldi," he paused, knowing that there would be a reaction when he told them, "Angel sent her to help us."  
  
It was Spike who let out such a laugh that Giles was actually frightened that she would kill him with those eyes right there in front of everyone. _Ah, could be a blessing in disguise_ he smiled in spite of himself.  
  
"Rupert, Old Man, I think Peaches has finally hit the tipple one time too many. Either that, or he's still thinking with his tadger... " Giles shot him a vile look, but he continued, unaffected. "How the Hell is she going to help any of us?" She was staring at him with a very slight smile.  
  
"Please, it's Bella," she said as she offered her hand to Buffy. Her eyes were still locked on Spike.  
  
"Bella, uh, thanks for... coming..." Buffy trailed off. Her hand was so cold. Not like his, but very cold nonetheless. And Bella was still staring at Spike.  
  
She walked slowly toward him and looked up at the vampire. He really wasn't that big or forboding, but he towered over her.  
  
"Sit," she quietly commanded. He sat.  
  
"Stay." He didn't budge, but had opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"SHUT," she said moving her fingers like a closing mouth.  
  
She walked back over to Buffy and Giles, not missing a beat.  
  
"Angel tracked me down through a mutual... acquaintance. And I'm glad he did. I hadn't realized just how bad it had gotten out here."  
  
Xander was the first to speak.  
  
"I... Love... You..." he said, in awe. He had never been Spike's biggest fan. That earned him a kick under the table from Anya.  
  
"Is he in... did you....?" Willow began with eyes the size of dinner plates and burgeoning interest in the other witch's powers.  
  
"Thrall..." Giles unwittingly sighed, taking off his glasses and nervously polishing them on his sleeve.  
  
"What the Hell is with you and the thrall, man? He'll get over it. I take it you don't get him all sweet and silent too often, do ya?"  
  
Buffy liked her. She really liked her. There was just something about Bella that made it feel like she'd always been there. And thrall or not, Bella was the missing link. She could feel it all the way down to her toes.  
  
"I don't know... _what_... you did, but I trust Angel and... is he gonna be okay?" Spike was sitting, still and silent. It was disconcerting.  
  
Bella gave Buffy an are-you-sure-you-want-me-to-undo-this look and then turned to Spike and said "as you were."  
  
He started hurling accusations, clearly afraid of this new, unexplicable creature.  
  
"Sure you don't want me to 'put the thrall on him' again?" she teased.  
  
Buffy, Giles and Bella joined the others around the table, Spike still yelling "Bloody witch! Demon! You... you... succubus!"  
  
"You wish," she laughed.  
  
"Shall I?" offered Giles, turning attention back to Bella. "Or shall you?"  
  
"I am a descendant of the Grimaldi Sisters."  
  
"Grimaldi?" asked Xander.  
  
"Sisters," finished Willow, clearly in awe. "The Grimaldi Witches of Italy."  
  
"Yes. My mother was a witch. At first a white-witch... but, well... things don't always work the way you want them in witchcraft, do they?" she said to Willow with a knowing wink.  
  
Willow understood all too well.  
  
"But it isn't just the witchcraft that I was sent for. I am a vampire hunter. And I. Do. Not. Fail." She was staring at Spike. She walked over to where he was sitting, leaned in close and sniffed him predatorially. "You smell of fear, Vampire. Of fear and... a shiny, new soul."  
  
Spike was stunned.  
  
"Vampire with a soul. How many are there of you? You. Angel. Who else? Fought hard for it, didn't you?" She moved his seat back and placed her hands on the arms, caging him in, and leaned in close. "Tell me, Vampire. Was it worth it?"  
  
He had the feeling she already knew the answer.  
  
Buffy was ready to get down to business. She didn't want to waste any time. Hope gave her a thrill. And Bella was that great hope who could help them shut out the demon world.  
  
"The Hellmouth is located in the basement of Sunnydale High School," Buffy began. "Spike... stumbled across it."  
  
"You mean to say he is strigoiu, huh?" She laughed as she paced back over to Buffy's side.  
  
"Belt up! I'm sitting right here. Don't talk like I don't exist," he snapped at her.  
  
"Stri..."  
  
"Strigoiu, Slayer. Thinks I need to go sussing out abandoned places for a drum." Spike was more annoyed than Buffy had ever seen him.  
  
"Spike... that _is _what you do." Buffy informed him. She returned her full attention to Bella who was staring at Spike with a quiet smile. Smug. And were those her veins? Buffy could swear she could see every tiny vein in Bella's porcelain-smooth face. Spider-like, yet visable when she was this close.  
  
"The Hellmouth... I don't know how to seal it. It's not open much, or so it would seem. The demon universe hasn't exactly flooded into Sunnydale, if you know what I mean. But things have been happening. The demons we've been faced with at night. They've been stronger. Vampires that are harder to kill," Buffy explained.  
  
"The Ancient Ones. Always harder to kill. Whether demon or vampire. And so are the ones who are infected by their blood," Bella agreed.  
  
"Right. And these guys... they're not going down without a fight. They're making us work harder than ever before. I don't know what we'll do if the population multiplies. We just aren't equipped for it. And I think they know it. And that's only going to make them want out even more." The Slayer was filled with worry.  
  
Bella was thinking. This wasn't the first time she'd heard of the Hellmouth. And this wasn't the first Hellmouth she'd ever encountered. Another thing that made her so valuable, according to Angel.  
  
_I have every faith that you will know exactly what to do when the time comes, Bella._ That's what Angelus had told her when she had met with him in L.A. _Don't show your cards to them all at once. Don't overwhelm them with too much in one chunk. But guide them with what you know, reveal what you know as you encounter each obstacle.  
_  
"It can't be sealed with magick," offered Willow.  
  
_No, witch. It can't be sealed with your magick_, she thought.  
  
"Take me there."  
  
"Uh... now?" Giles piped in.  
  
"Yes, of course now. Take me there."  
  
He looked to Spike.  
  
"I'm not going with her alone. You can forget that. Not after what she did to me earli--"  
  
"SHUT." She'd shut him up again.  
  
"Does he EVER get tired of hearing his own voice?" she asked Buffy who simply laughed before stating "We all go."

* * *

The school had recently been rebuilt by Xander and his crew of construction workers. Bella looked at the building. Looked like any other high school. Doors, windows, steps, plaque stating: Sunnydale High School est. 2003.  
  
"It's in the sub-basement," the Slayer told her. "I found... Spike there," she recalled how he had been out of his mind at the time, talking to thin air, swearing it was telling him what to do.  
  
"The First," Bella whispered, breathless.  
  
She began rifling through a small bag she had pulled from an inside jacket pocket. She pulled out a small vial of oil and turned to them all. Better explain what was going to happen so that they wouldn't all freak out on her.  
  
"I am going to anoint each of you with a drop of this oil -- it's a mixture of basil, lavender, frankinscence and myrhh -- "  
  
"Like in the Bible?" Anya practically squealed. Bella hated being interrupted.  
  
"Like in the Bible," she sighed.  
  
"Are you anointing him, too?" she interrupted again, motioning toward Spike.  
  
"Yes," she sighed. "Him too. This oil will -- "  
  
"Won't it burn him, since it's, like Biblical?"  
  
"SHUT," she commanded. And Anya did.  
  
"Wish I could do that to her," Xander remarked, astonished. She shut him, too.  
  
"This oil will protect us," she explained. "And, no. It won't burn him," she told Anya and Xander before un-shutting them. "It won't hurt him anymore than a crucifix or any other holy object."  
  
"Then you won't be touching me at all with it, Pigeon!" Spike threatened, hand up in protest as he backed away from her.  
  
She was growing tired of them. For people who had been fighting Big Bad for quite a few years, they sure did seem clueless.  
  
"Okay, listen, Vampire. Thought you might be a little wiser than they are, but apparently, you're just... _not_... Do you think... _really_ believe... that the damned oil is gonna burn you?" She already knew the answer. She felt the anger rising.  
  
"Dammit, Vampire! If you believe that something will hurt you, it will. If you don't, it won't. That goes for garlic, crucifixes, witch's oil. It's amazing how someone as old as you acts like he was turned yesterday!"  
  
Spike was still skittish, even as she approached him with the oil.  
  
"Ah, so make me the guinea pig, yeah -- OW! Bagascia-- "  
  
She was laughing. At_ him_.  
  
"No oil on my finger, Vampire. Now do you see? If you believe it will burn you... it will. Oil or not. Now grow up and get anointed," she commanded. "And the next time you call me a bitch I'll stake you on sight."  
  
He lowered his head to her and she placed a drop of oil in the center of his brow. She repeated the motion with the others and then herself.  
  
"The oil has been placed on your 6th Chakra. Your Third Eye. It will open you to see what is really going on no matter what the Hellmouth uses to try to trick you."  
  
They all nodded. Willow was still in reverence of Bella.  
  
"Okay," she said, finally placing a drop of oil on her own brow. "I think that since you're the one who is so familiar with this Hellmouth, you should lead the way," she instructed Spike. He sneered at her and shook his head.  
  
"You got it in for me, is it?" She stood looking up at him, arms crossed over her chest. She wasn't budging on this.  
  
"Oh, Bloody Hell! FINE."  
  
Buffy told her that this is where she worked as they followed Spike inside. It was where Dawn was a sophomore. Bella nodded, listening as the Slayer prattled on about the school and the events that had been taking place since the discovery of the Hellmouth. Rows of lockers lined long, clean hallways. Looked like any other educational establishment, but it felt like the gateway to Hell.  
  
"Why is your sister even going here?" Bella asked, eyes darting to take in everything.  
  
"To take sucky algebra tests and--" Dawn started complaining.  
  
Bella raised an eyebrow. "Do you think it's wise to have her worrying about Algebra when she should be learning how to weild a weapon?" Bella kept walking, hand brushing over the locks hanging from the row of lockers, making a tremendous amount of unneccessary noise.  
  
"I want her to have as normal a life as possible," Buffy explained, now second-guessing herslef.  
  
"Hmm," was all Bella said.  
  
"It's down there," Spike told them, stopping at the door to the lower level.  
  
"Yes, it is." Bella could feel it. "Go 'head, Vampire. Open the door. It's a public place. Don't need an invite."  
  
She could hear him scowling, cursing as he opened the door.  
  
"Oooh! Creepy!" Bella teased.  
  
Xander wasn't finding any of this funny. He didn't need to be there. Bella was the one who wanted to see the place. Why couldn't she have just gone with Spike?  
  
"Okay, enough with the scare tactics," Anya voiced weakly.  
  
"Big bad vengenace demon like you? Scared of a little bitty Hellmouth?" Bella was enjoying this. A little too much. Kind of like someone who would ruin a haunted house with sarcasm and humor.  
  
Spike reached out to open the next door.  
  
"Uh-uh," Bella told him suddenly. "No."  
  
"Oh, for crying out -- why not, Woman?" Spike asked, exasperated. She'd wanted to see the damned thing. Said as much.  
  
"Why stopping?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Smell dead people," Bella muttered, preoccupied. "No... we're out of here," she said turning and leading the way back up the stairs.  
  
"No. No, no, no. We're not leaving. Dead people. I'm dead people. Could be smelling me," Spike was extremely annoyed.  
  
"I said we're out of here. And I meant it. Now. OUT," she told them.  
  
Buffy and Giles exchanged worried glances but didn't argue. Willow stopped dead in her tracks halfway to the door.  
  
"I see it..." she whispered. There was a chill in her voice that creeped into Buffy's bones.  
  
"See... what?" she asked.  
  
"I see it," she repeated.  
  
Bella knew what she saw. She'd seen it, too. It just wasn't time. Not ready to go head-on with the evil behind that door. Bella didn't say another word as they left the building.  
  
"All that anointing and bullshit so that we can tuck our tails and run? Innit the rub!" Spike bitched.  
  
Bella turned to him very slowly. Her eyes were nearly transparent, her voice at a whisper. "Due time, Vampire.... due time." She was trembling.

* * *

The sky had darkened with clouds, threatening rain and storms. But Willow knew that it wasn't Mother Nature who had created the change in the weather. She felt it, too. Thunder was roaring, winds beginning to whip. Anya and Xander were huddled together. Buffy stood near her sister and her Watcher as Bella dropped to her knees in pain.  
  
"No!!!" She yelled in a voice that wasn't hers. Her hand shot out, lightning erupting from her palm, and the doors of Sunnydale High were sealed shut.  
  
"Be silent, be still... be silent, be still... be silent, be still." She was still on her knees, hugging herself tightly and rocking. Her eyes were closed as she continued to chant.  
  
The others stood, not sure what had just happened. Willow trembled a few feet from Bella.  
  
Spike was between the witches and the others. His mouth was open, but he couldn't speak. He didn't know what Peaches had sent them, but this creature wasn't human. He was sure of that.  
  
The winds died down as abruptly as they had started. Clouds swirled, letting back in streaks of starry night sky. Bella stood slowly and turned to Willow.  
  
"I don't ever want you near this place again. Ever," she told the frightened witch.  
  
Willow nodded, eyes still wide at what she'd just seen.  
  
"What's going on?" Buffy demanded to know. The Slayer couldn't hide the stench of fear that now covered her.  
  
"The First will find your weakness and it will exploit it in the most perverse way imaginable," she told Willow. The witch nodded, her head bobbing quickly with understanding. She'd seen it. She'd seen why Bella wanted them all out of there.  
  
"We need to go," she told them.  
  
"Yes, very well... but -- "  
  
She cut Giles off with a shake of her head.  
  
"Very well."


	3. Him

Buffy was fidgeting as she walked home, Willow and Dawn walking sullenly behind her. What they HELL had the witches seen? What was so terrible that Bella and Willow had both completely wigged out? And why wasn't anyone telling her about it?  
  
The Summers home was dark and quiet when they returned. Dawn set to the kitchen muttering something about chocolate chip cookie dough and microwave popcorn for dinner. Buffy knew that she should suggest something a little more nutritious, but Dawn's menu sounded pretty appealing to her. Willow was still withdrawn. She hadn't said a word since they left Sunnydale High School. Buffy was sure that seeing the powers of the other witch brought back some painful memories for her. And then there was this -- whatever -- Willow and Bella had both seen. It had scared the bejesus out of both of them.  
  
"Will,"she approached her friend tentatively. Willow tried to smile. Tried to put the Slayer's mind at ease. But she was finding that increasingly difficult to do.  
  
"It was... it was the First, wasn't it Will?"  
  
Dawn was busying herself in the kitchen. Buffy could hear the popcorn popping, the pop and fizz of a soda can being opened, baking pans clanging, the refrigerator opening and closing. She was glad Dawn was occupied with making their make-shift dinner.  
  
Willow was thoughtful. The First, well, yeah. Kind of. More like a glimpse into a very desolate future. She'd seen it all. The rising of the ancient ones at Hell's threshhold. There were so many of them; all weathered with age, fangs a gnarling mess across their grey and shining faces. It had made her wonder if this is what Spike would look like if he survived the amount of time that these dispicable creatures had. She'd never really thought about it, but he was a really good-looking vampire. Sexy, even... if she was into that kind of thing. Is that how they'd all started out? Like him?  
  
"It was horrible, Buffy," she suddenly blurted out. "There were hundreds of them... and they all looked like something out of Shadow of the Vampire. Just really ugly, evil, nasty things... and so many. Buffy... I'm really scared. What if magick is the only way to defeat this?"  
  
Buffy could understand Willow's apprehension when it came to magick. Especially big magick. The witch had lost herself to the darkness for a span of time that felt like a lifetime. But Bella was there. Of course, that was why Angel had sent her. Because he knew that Willow needed someone to guide her and to teach her how to responsibly use her magick. It made Buffy think about that line from Spiderman... what was that that Uncle Ben had said? _With great power comes great responsibility_. Didn't she know that! And what was up with Peter Parker getting a kick-ass costume and the ability to fling webs? She pictured herself wrapped in a black velvet cape and a bustier with BtVS emblazoned across it. What the hell was she thinking? She shook the thought out of her head with a little laugh.  
  
"What? What's so funny?" Willow asked with a curious grin.  
  
"Nothing... just losing my train of thought," Buffy saw herself again. She sure could benefit from Wonder Woman's power bracelets or her invisible jet... "Will, Angel wouldn't have sent Bella unless he knew she could help us, right?"  
  
"Well, yeah. Right. I mean, Angel promosed he'd always take care of you. I guess that's what he's doing."  
  
"Yeah. And if Bella is this big, bad witch... well, she must be here to help you, too. Willow, I don't think she's going to lead you into something that you can't handle. Just be honest with her when you get all weirded out." She tried to sound reassuring. "Willow... what else did you see?"  
  
Willow saw the door in her memory. And she saw through the door as she had when they were in the basement. It had been so vivid. All the ancient ones... they hadn't come out yet, but she could hear all of them. They knew she was there. They were cajoling her. Telling her that her magick couldn't stop them. Telling her that she'd use it and that the consequences would be deadly to her and to her friends. They taunted her addiction. And then she saw Tara. And she'd wanted to go through the door and pull her out. But she heard Bella. _Don't open the door_. And then Bella was in her head. _That isn't Tara. I know how much you want it to be and how real this is, but it is not Tara. And you have to hold onto that no matter how much it hurts. The First will take everything you know and pervert it. Don't let it pull you in, Willow._ Bella saw her, too.  
  
"Tara." She said simply to Buffy.  
  
"Tara? What about Tara, Will?" Buffy wanted to know.  
  
"It was Tara. It... well, it wasn't Tara. But it was. So much Tara," the witch's eyes bean to fill with tears. "Oh, Buffy. I saw her. And she told me that we could be together again. But that I would have to turn away from all of my friends. I would have to help them... the ancient ones. The First. But I'd be rewarded. We'd be together again." Willow bowed her head shamefully. "And I believed her... wanted to believe that it was really Tara. I was willing to do what she wanted."  
  
Buffy looked troubled. She knew how much Willow loved Tara. And she knew how much her friend had suffered after Tara's senseless death. She couldn't help but be worried by what Willow had seen.  
  
"Bella... I heard her in my head. She was telling me that it wasn't Tara. That it was the First trying to manipulate me. And I've got to tell you, Buffy. It was working. But Bella kept telling me that I needed to trust my third eye. And then I remembered the anointment and the oil and how she said that it would open my eyes to what was really going on. And it was ugly. It was so ugly and it scared the shit out of me, Buffy. It wasn't Tara. It was so horrible. Bella's right. I need to stay away from the Hellmouth."

* * *

Bella sat in the calm of her apartment. Her mother. She'd seen her. Just as she'd seen Tara. She knew how Willow had felt. How tempted she had been to say to Hell with this world. She knew it all too well. And given Willow's past, she was petrified that the witch would do something stupid. That's why she stressed to her that she did not want her to ever go back there again. Oh, sure. The First wouldn't give up. It would come to them over and over. It would come as their worst nightmares. It would come as their greatest wishes. But for Willow Rosenberg, it would come as the very thing that had made her lose herself before, her lover, her friend, her Tara. Bella couldn't afford for Willow to be that close to the Hellmouth. It would be hard enough for her to fight the draw from afar.  
  
She snuggled into the smooth leather of her sofa. What a way to end her first day. And still not done. She knew that the Slayer would be out patrolling that evening. And the others. They apparently helped her. Including the blonde vamp who had been so cagey around her. _He must sense what I am, _she thought. _He must sense that there is something different about me_. She rubbed her chin. Spike. He sure was a pretty thing. And just as arduous as Angel had warned. She remembered the tone in Angel's voice as he discussed Spike. William the Bloody, he'd called him at one point. Bella chuckled at that moniker. Great name for a vamp. And then to find out that's what he'd been called when he was alive. William the Bloody, writer of bloody bad poetry.  
  
"Was it really all that bad?" She'd asked Angel, stifling the urge to unload a rising guffaw.  
  
"You have _no_ idea," Angel had told her with an uncharacteristic grin.  
  
She liked Angel. He was on the spot. Told her just enough about each of them; the Slayer, the Witch, the Watcher, the vampire, the sister, the vengeance demon and that boy. Xander. He was even more annoying than Angel had warned.  
  
"He means well," Angel had told her. "But he doesn't have any special powers. He doesn't have Slayer strength. He isn't into witchcraft. His girlfriend used to be a vengenace demon. Anyanka. She's been around for centuries. She comes in handy from time to time. Just don't mention bunnies around her though," Angel warned. Bella hadn't even asked. Didn't want to know about Anya and bunnies.  
  
"So why do they keep him around?" She'd asked.  
  
"Bella, don't you remember having friends?" She hadn't. "Humans, they latch onto each other. For Buffy, he's useful. He's her friend. And he has been helpful. Although I mentioned to her once that he seemed to be more of a hindrance than a help... that didn't go too well. Let's just say that she made it clear that he was not going anywhere."  
  
"And the vampire?" she had asked. She remembered the look on Angel's face as he discussed Spike. No love lost between father and son.  
  
"I sired him," he'd simply stated. "And he'd exceeded my expectations."  
  
She'd noted that this didn't sound like a good thing. Daddy wasn't all that proud of his platinum progeny.  
  
"And now?" she'd asked, trying to suss out more info.  
  
"Now... I don't know," Angel had rubbed his temples. Just the mere thought of Spike being accepted among the Scoobies had made his head hurt.  
  
"He's been implanted with a chip," he'd told her. Explained how the Initiative had basically made him impotent in the vampiric sense.  
  
She remembered that she'd made some comment along the lines of "That sucks... or in his case..."  
  
Angel had laughed a little. Then told her that Spike had become all wrapped up in the Slayer. He'd convinced himself that he was in love with the girl. She could tell that just saying it bothered Angel.  
  
"And the Slayer? She loves this vampire?" She'd asked.  
  
Angel had paused. She thought that the question had caught him off guard. That maybe he had never really given it much thought.  
  
"She doesn't love him. Couldn't love him." He had sounded more hopeful than sure.  
  
"Is he all that bad?" Bella heard herself prying.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah... he's... "  
  
"He's one of us, though, Angel. To say that he's unredeemable is to say that you're unredeemable. That I am. Is that what we're talking about, here?" She had issued a challenge to the older vamp. He had turned it over and over in his head. She could see his face working the thought.  
  
"I guess that's what I'd be saying. And I guess I'd be wrong, right?"  
  
Bella hadn't known. She didn't know this chipped up vamp. All she knew was that Angel wasn't a fan. Not at all.  
  
"He has a soul." She'd thought that she had misheard him.  
  
"Come again?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"He... he has a soul," Angel reiterated. Went to Africa. Battled a demon. Got a soul.  
  
_Stupid Vampire._ That's what she'd thought when Angel told her and when she had first met him. Yes, indeed._ Stupid, stupid beautiful vampire_. The soul worked for him. Worked all too well. She felt the spark the moment she laid eyes on him in the Magick Shop. And she had felt something... else.  
  
She pulled the red leather-bound book from her coffee table. It was well- worn from age and from her leafing through it for comfort on numerous occasions. It was Mamma's diary. She loved reading through her mother's memories, recorded in black ink, flowing handwriting.  
  
"Oh, Mamma..." she whispered, fighting back tears of frustration.  
  
She turned to a dog-eared page marked by a frayed satin ribbon. It was one of the last entries her mother had recorded. Just days before Artemius arrived and took her away from this world.  
  
_**13 June** He's near. I can feel him. And I know what must be done. I've made the arrangements. I've spoken with the Grigori. And I've thrown myself on the mercy of TPTB. My life would have meant nothing without Bella. The darkenss would have taken me forever. Not just for a night. Bella saved me. And I have been blessed to have had her for as long as I have. I've made my peace with TPTB. I've done my penance. Done their bidding. And now she belongs to them. They have plans for her. They have a future mapped out for her. And he will be the one to save her. And together they will save the world._  
  
He. He will be the one to save her. _Save me. He will save me and together we will save the world.  
_  
Artemius had come on her 18th birthday. Just the way Mamma thought he would. And he'd tried to turn her. Killed Mamma. And took Bella's life. Took her choice to live or die. At least he thought that's what he had done. She remembered the look on his face when he realized that she was going to win. She was going to destroy him. And that he had not been able to destroy her. No. She would never let that happen.  
  
And now twenty years she had walked this earth killing him over and over. Killing her own kind. Killing vampires. Her only source of joy. She closed herself off to everyone. Didn't bother to make friends. Made plenty of enemies once word got out that she was hunting vampires for sport. Music and killing. All that really mattered to her.  
  
His soul had screamed to her. Why hadn't Angel had that affect on her? Why hadn't the humans? Why him? He was smug and reckless. He was snarky beyond belief. She knew he was evil at one time. She felt all of the kills in which he had once prided himself. But something else, too. Remorse. Regret. Conflict within him. He, who Angel had sired. He, who had fallen in love with the Slayer. He, who had fought for the missing link; the one thing that had kept her from loving him. And she still didn't love him. She still thought he was beneath her.  
  
From beneath you, it devours.  
  
She heard the words spinning in her head. It would. It would drive them all apart if they couldn't get it together.  
  
She found herself in the kitchen, rifling through cabinets. Such a human thing -- emotional eating. She couldn't help but laugh as she dug out a bag of peanut M&Ms and a bottle of Merlot. She was busy separating colors and sloshing wine straight from the bottle when her cell phone rang.  
  
She pulled it from her pocket wondering who could be calling her. So very few had her number.  
  
"Bella Grimaldi, whaddaya want?"  
  
"Nice to know that Cordelia isn't the only one with stellar phone etiquette," a familiar voice told her. It was Angel.  
  
"And the point of this call?" She wasn't in the mood for joviality. She was beginning to enjoy her deep-blue funk. Didn't need vampy one-liners fucking it all up.  
  
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening..."  
  
"Let's just say I had a not-so-good experience at the door to the Hellmouth. Saw a few hundred of the evil-dead ready to do the First's bidding, saw Mamma and had to convince myself and Willow that neither she nor Tara were really there. Even with the anointing spell... it was pretty rough," she told him, popping a blue M&M into her mouth.  
  
"Anointing spell, huh?" he sounded concerned for her. "You know, Bella, when we discussed this all in person, I thought you understood that this was not going to be easy--"  
  
"Hey, man, I get that, okay? I'm just trying to piece together what I have to do with SunnyHell and these spoiled brats and that snarky-ass vampire."  
  
She heard Angel's laughter, felt his smile through the phone and wanted to stake him for finding this all so amusing.  
  
"So, you've met Spike."  
  
Simply put. Met. Spike. Yes. Wanted to kill him. Wanted to choke him. Wanted to... to... wanted him. What the hell?  
  
"You didn't tell me how difficult he was," she fumbled. Sloshed back more wine. Knocked candy on the floor... green, yellow, blue, red. Dammit!  
  
"Difficult?" She had the feeling Angel was enjoying this a bit.  
  
"Yes, difficult!" She was yelling. "He's a fucking baby! Whines about things he should know better about! He-- He NEVER - -and Angel, I mean NEVER - -shuts up! Know-it-all, smart-alecky pain in my a--"  
  
"He's him."  
  
Him? He's who? Who? Him?  
  
"What the Hell are you talking about, Soul Asylum?" she barked out at him.  
  
"Him. That's all I know Bella. TPTB told me that you were the one who would save the world. You and him. You and--"  
  
"Spike?" she asked incredulously. She sighed heavily. Shook her head. Him. "He's... _him."_  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You called me for that, then?" she asked, suddenly feeling very anxious.  
  
"Yes. And no. I wanted to check up on you. Part of the whole working with TPTB thing. They like to make sure things are going as planned. Sounds like you're running right on time. With the Hellmouth too."  
  
Now she really wanted to stake him.  
  
"Hey Angel?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Next time you and TPTB want to fuck with my life... don't."  
  
Angel sighed. "But isn't it their life to fuck with, Bella?"  
  
She hung up on him. Peaches. Fuck you, too, Peaches.

* * *

Bella wasn't sure when she had dozed off, but she awoke with a start to a ringing cell phone. She squinted to see the time. Almost sunrise. Someone sure was an earlier riser. Or a late-nighter.  
  
"Nobody I know would call at this hour," she said.  
  
"I-I'm sorry to call this late... early. Sorry I woke you." It was the Slayer.  
  
"What's up Buffy?"  
  
"Something not real good. I need you at Sunnydale High. You remember how to get here?"  
  
She remembered. Threw on a jacket and ran out the door. Fucking sun threatening to rise at any time. And she was almost there when something jumped out and knocked her off her feet. Not one of them. It was human. It was vile and nasty and human. Trying to rip off her clothes, trying to touch her. And she went into game face. It was automatic. It was her defense against the others. Didn't think about it much.  
  
That's when she heard him scream. Saw his shaking finger pointing at her. Saw... _fear_. Spike had watched as she vamped out on her assailant. Watched as she'd kicked the man's feet out from under him and smashed his face into the concrete. Watched as she hissed that this was his lucky day, but if she ever saw him again, she'd snap his neck and drain him dry. She stood up, wiped her hands on her jeans and shook off the ickiness that the man -- and the face -- had made her feel.  
  
"Daywalker..." he whispered frantically. "Bloody Daywalker! Knew you were different..."  
  
She growled at him and glared.  
  
"Sun's about to come up, Vampire. Why don't you hide under whatever rock it is you crawled out from before you start to sizzle."  
  
He stepped back from her. He'd never seen one like that, one who could walk in the sun. How could Angel send something so lethal? It would be the death of them all.  
  
"You know what, Spike? You're totally clueless. Just..." she straightened her back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Just go. You'll have plenty of time to rat me out later."  
  
Spike knew he didn't have a choice. The sun was threatening to break out at any time. He took off hastily muttering that he wouldn't let her hurt them.  
  
Bella shook her head as she watched him leave. _Stupid, insolent vampire.  
_  
"Sorry to get you out so early!" Buffy's voice startled her.  
  
"It's okay. No big."  
  
"Well, something isn't sitting right, if you know what I mean," Buffy told her. She followed the Slayer toward the school as Buffy told her about the odd noises and smells.  
  
"Rats? Gym lockers?" Bella joked.  
  
"Not even... no, this was really thick. And it was blood. It was so strong that I could smell it."  
  
Bella felt her fangs threaten to show themselves as she walked into Sunnydale High. It was blood. Thick, swarming. It was strong. It was old. Ancient. A smell she recognized as older than Artemius.  
  
"Turok-Han...." she whispered, wide-eyed.  
  
"Chaka Khan?" Buffy questioned.  
  
Bella's eyes were gleaming. Preternatural. Buffy felt a chill creep up her spine.  
  
"Turok-Han," Bella repeated. "AKA one bad mutha... holy shit, it just _reeks_." She shook her head, trying to erase the scent.  
  
"Sun's about up, Slayer. Do your day job. Let kid sis do the school thing. But NOBODY is to be here after dark. No extra-curricular bullshit that would have them lingering around here. We're talking Uber-Vamp central. And it just isn't time."

* * *

Bella wasn't sure how she got there, but she found herself on Giles' doorstep, smoking a pacing frantically. _Knock, don't knock. Knock, don't knock. Knock, don't --  
_  
The door flew open, Giles in his usual Gilesy tweed and spectacles, brow worried by Bella's nervous presence.  
  
"Well, don't just loiter about, Bella. Come in," he instructed.  
  
She flicked her cigarette and ground it out on his doorstep making a mental note to pick it up and toss it out later. She followed Giles into his apartment. Fried eggs, toast. Human food. The kind Mamma used to make for her on chilly mornings. Smelled good.  
  
"I was just finishing up breakfast. Can I get you a cup of tea? Something to..." he stopped and peered at her, quizzically. "Do you eat?"  
  
She smiled and shook her head. "I'm good, Giles. Thanks. Had some M&M's and Merlot a few hours ago."  
  
He had an uneasy smirk. "I was just rather curious... Spike eats. I mean, he drinks blood, of course, nature of the beast -- of -- " he was afraid he'd offended her, "His nature... but it seems he's always the first one to rummage through the pizza boxes when they arrive." A bit of nervous laughter from the Watcher.  
  
"Yeah... Spike..." Bella sunk into his sofa and rubbed her hands over her face. "Problem, Rupes..."  
  
"Problem, you say?" Giles wasn't sure he wanted to hear this.  
  
"He knows," she told him.  
  
"Knows?"  
  
"Knows, y' know? Knows what you know. Y'know?"  
  
Looked like a teenager. Spoke in those ridiculous circles like a teenager. But had walked he earth nearly as long as he had.  
  
"He saw my game face this morning, Giles. Some asshole jumped out of the bushes at me and started tearing at my clothes and I kneed the fucker in the dabbly-doos and the game face just... it just kinda happened. Does that sometimes when I'm cornered."  
  
"Oh my." About time the Watcher got it. He knew.  
  
"Yeah. And, Dude, he's gonna make a raging stink about it later. He was all stinking of fear and then stinking of ooh-I'm-so-gonna-tell-on-you. Not real mature for one that old, is he?"  
  
Giles chuckled in spite of the situation. No. Spike wasn't known for acting his age. Or even a fifth of his age, at that.  
  
"Bella, dear. Don't worry about Spike. Just... just go get some rest. We'll deal with this later."  
  
Bella was skeptical. "Shouldn't we, like, do some damage control or something? Get to the kiddies before Big Bad goes barging in and blowing steam?"  
  
"Bella... go home. Rest. We'll deal with this later." 


	4. Sin and Salvation

"Daywalker..." he seethed, pointing an accusing finger at her as he cowered in the corner of the room.  
  
The others looked at her, waiting for her to speak. She shrugged her shoulders and looked to Giles for guidance. And then she looked back to Spike. She was so smug sometimes.  
  
"Vampire," she countered, letting him know with her eyes that he would not have the upper hand.  
  
"I saw her. Saw her with _these_ eyes!" he said, pointing to his own eyes, never taking them off of her. "Her teeth... her eyes... " he shouted, and then drew back sharply.  
  
Buffy's mind was racing. Spike was clearly scared of the... girl. Bella didn't move a muscle. It was almost as if she were part of a tableau. _Not breathing,_ Buffy's head screamed. She saw Giles shuffle. He didn't look surprised.  
  
"You knew," she said evenly to him. She wasn't angry. She understood.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"And this is why she's so indispensible."  
  
He nodded again.  
  
Buffy understood but it didn't keep her from throwing his own words back at him.  
  
"Never trust a vampire..." she barely whispered.  
  
Anya, Xander and Willow had been sitting silently, eyes saucer-wide. The demon, the witch and their whipping boy were probably more confused than anyone else. Witch? Vampire? Daywalker? The vampire with the soul pointing an accusing finger at another?  
  
Dawn, who had been sitting up in the loft thumbing through a book of spells, stopped and watched them.  
  
"The circumstances," Giles began. "I had the Council look into it. Spoke with the Grigori myself. Called Angel this morning. There's... there's no one..."  
  
"There's no one like me," she smiled weakly.  
  
"And just what is that?" Anya wanted to know.  
  
Bella was still staring at Spike. She hadn't moved. Neither had he. Almost like a game of cat and mouse. Vampire and Daywalker.  
  
"I am what is called a demifane," she told them. "You know what a demifane is, Vampire? Huh? Not them. Not you. EVERYTHING..." she was practically shouting. "Nothing," she whispered.  
  
"Want to come into my world, Vampire?" she challenged. "A world of fear and courage? Of... of... sin and salvation? Life and death? Not knowing if you're fact or fantasy? That there is nothing... NOTHING like you in this world?" She pulled a cigarette from a battered packet in her jacket pocket. She held a finger to it and it was suddenly lit. She dragged it regretfully.  
  
"Think you're alone, Vampire? You don't know ANYthing about being alone."  
  
They all watched her as she continued to sip deeply on the cigarette. Nobody dared to speak.  
  
"I am Guardian. Said simply, I kill my own kind." She extinguished what was left of the cigarette between her fingers before depositing it in the nearby trash.  
  
"You know," she said softly, "Not all of us choose to be who we are. Slayer didn't ask for her role. I didn't ask for mine. But I certainly do believe in free will. And killing innocents? Not my thing."  
  
She finally broke her gaze from Spike and turned to Giles.  
  
"Giles will give you the book report. I need... I have some things I need to do," she said, excusing herself.  
  
She'd only been out the door a matter of seconds when Spike bolted up.  
  
"Holy shit, Watcher! What kind of beast has the Great Poof saddled us with?"  
  
"Shut up, Spike," Buffy warned through clenched teeth. "Didn't... didn't you hear a word she said?" she asked him incredulously. "She wasn't defending herself. She was stating who she was. Who she is. I can't not respect that, can you? Can you, Xander? Willow? Anya? Dawn?" she asked. "Spike?"  
  
"And you... _you_ of all people... you should have some sympathy--"  
  
"Empathy," offered Willow.  
  
"Empathy," Buffy continued. "I complain that I'm the slayer. But I'm still a mostly human girl. I know what I am. I bleed and I hurt and I can die."  
  
"You... you're a vampire. Sleep all day, hunt all night, drink blood, steal stuff..."  
  
"Oh, so now you _know_ me. That's what I am, yeah? Was a man at one time, you know. And 'ave a soul. Not like I don't have any feelings--"  
  
"So you do understand?" Dawn was the first to point out from her perch.  
  
Spike hated being tricked. Called on the carpet. Shite, he thought. Yeah.  
  
"I... I could perform a locator spell... find her?" offered Willow.  
  
"No, s'okay. I can find her on my own. 'M the one who opened this can of worms, aren't I? Lemme try to fix it," Spike told her.

* * *

"Come here often, Love?" he asked.  
  
She didn't move from the park bench under the huge oak in the center of Sunnydale Cemetery. She didn't need any sympathy from the devil. Well, at least that's what Spike liked to think he was.  
  
"Sorry I, uh... sang like a caged bird. Giles... he's filling in the others. Told 'em all I'd go find you m'self. Since I'm the one who bollixed this whole thing up for you."  
  
"You didn't 'bollix' anything, Vampire," she told him.  
  
"Got a name, y'know," he said quietly.  
  
"Yeah? So do I. You haven't had much use for it though. Have you?"  
  
"Touche."  
  
She didn't smell it. The fear. The fear he was covered in earlier had disappeared. This new scent. It was concern. And understanding. And maybe a little touch of remorse. Stupid Vampire. Went and got yourself a soul. Stupid, stupid Vampire.  
  
"His name was Artemius." she told him. "He was... dark. Beautiful. Deadly. Very deadly. He was a Daywalker. I'm not sure how he became that way. Maybe thousands of years in existence made him that way." She was referring to her father, her sire.  
  
"Do you think you'll be around a few thousand years Vam-- Spike?" She wasn't looking at him now. He pulled a pack of smokes out and offered her one. Pulled a lighter to light them both, but she had already lit them with that little trick she'd done in the Magick Box. Thousands of years... he'd been around little more than a hundred.  
  
"Can you imagine watching as nations fall? As the world changes around you but you never change? You're... you're still practically a baby. And me? I don't even know where I begin or where I end. I came into this world a kicking, screaming infant. But not like anyone else. I was already different. Special, Mamma called me." She stressed the second syllable in Mamma.  
  
"I was protected by the coven until the day we left Italy. I was barely a year old. And when we got to New York, she found members of her clan there, as well. Of course, by then, they had all found out about her dabbling in the black magick," she told him, staring into her hands. "You know, it hadn't started out that way. She just... she just wanted someone to love. She wanted me. But she had no one." Bella took a thoughtful drag on her cigarette, as if the nicotine fueled the philosophy rolling about in her mind.

"You know, just because you cast a spell or pray to your gods... it doesn't mean that you'll get what you want. People... humans. They curse their God. They're angered by Him. _He _doesn't listen. _He_ doesn't care. Well ya know what?" She took an unneccessary breath. "He does, Spike. He does. Just because He isn't giving the answer you think you deserve, it doesn't mean He hasn't carefully considered it. Maybe wrote a list of pros and cons. Held it in regards to how it would affect the rest of the universe. It just means that He thought it in your best interest to... save you from yourself."  
  
Spike wasn't sure what to say to her. He thought that his was a lonely existence. But she was right. At least he knew exactly what he was. Even if the soul had thrown him into bouts of paroxysm. He wanted to hear her story. Hear who she thought she was...  
  
"Your father. Artemius. Is he still... is he--"  
  
"Nope. Showed up on my 18th birthday for the first time. It was midnight. Mamma and I were sitting out on our back balcony toasting my 'coming of age.' It was the last time I ever saw her alive," she barely choked out. "It was like in an instant, he was there. He'd told me that Mamma had me for 18 years and that her job was now done. And he snapped her neck. And I went at him." She stopped, throwing the cigarette to the ground and crushing it with her foot.  
  
The moon was very close to the earth and very full. It glowed yellow in the night sky. How many more moons would she see in her lifetime? How many had Artemius seen before she slayed him?  
  
"I killed him, Spike. He was ancient. He was... a legend among our race. But he was so evil," she was thoughtful for a moment. "I wasn't what I am now. I don't know what kind of life I would have lived or for how long, but he didn't give me an option. He decided to make me like him. And he sired me. For the second time."  
  
Spike had her hand in his. So tiny. So strong. He was sure she could crush a man's skull with just one tiny hand. And at that moment, he was sure she could crush his heart with just one tiny kiss.  
  
"What was I? Stregheri? Vampiri? At least... at least I was still alive. And then he took that away. He gave me strength and power that I never knew possible. But he took away my most important choice -- to live or die. And I will curse him for it until we meet in Hell."  
  
Spike, as inappropriate as it may have seemed to anyone else, he wanted to know how she'd killed him.  
  
"I was somehow able to wound him with a silver knife from the table. And then I kind of remember running into Mamma's room and I ripped the Luciendar out from under her bed." He was familiar with this deadly sword, the Sword of Light. "You know, I drank that fucker nearly dry. He'd already taken me, Spike. He'd already drank from me and given his own blood back to me. The ancient, the don't need to make you drink from them. They can inject you with their own fangs. That's how they poison you just enough to make you want more. And I did. I wanted him dead and I wanted to die. He took Mamma from me. I drank nearly every drop before beheading him."

She told him that she got the strangest feeling that he had wanted to die at her hand. That he had wanted her to know all of his secrets before he passed to the other side... whatever that may be.

"Funny," she said with a eerie coolness. "Even the old ones turn to dust."  
  
She told him how she had since been a Guardian, guided by the Grigori, the watchers of the witches. How she'd slain so many of her own kind.  
  
"Bella," It was the first time he had called her by her name. "For what it's worth, I'm... I'm..."  
  
She stopped him. "Don't be sorry." She stood and waited for him.  
  
"Think the Scoobies would care if we took the night off?" she asked, knowing that they would.  
  
"_We_, now, is it, Pet? Oh, they'll mind. Always do. But what say we get gatted and bond over our lack of pulses and loves lost anyway?"  
  
She could really like him. If she let herself.  
  
"Get gatted... that's some hokey British term for...?"  
  
"Ah, schnockered?" he offered, as he also did his arm.  
  
"Oh. Oh yeah. _Yeah._ I could get gatted. I'm _all _about that."  
  
She was smiling. A genuine smile. And it was more intoxicating than any drink he could ever consume.


	5. The Killing Floor

The Scoobies were still at the Magick Box when Spike and Bella returned. The both felt the bristle in the air as they approached.  
  
"No, Giles. That is _not_ what I said," Buffy argued emphatically.  
  
"Actually, it's _exactly_ what you said, " Anya contradicted her. That earned her a steely look from the Slayer.  
  
"Well, it wasn't said the way you _think_ I said it. I didn't mean--" she stopped.  
  
Spike and Bella were standing in the doorway. Their presence took her by surprise. Both so quiet; vampirically stealthy. Both beautiful in their Mutt and Jeff way. He stood there, cigarette dangling from his cold lips, white-blonde hair slicked back to hide the curl, eyes a pale and glimmering blue, bloodless skin pasty-white and cold. She stood below him... nearly a foot smaller than he was. Her thick, black hair was loose and hung below her shoulders. Cigarette dangled from her pink lips, skin sun-kissed and golden. Almost too golden. Too perfect. Eyes a glimmering deep green that felt as though they were fleying her right there. They were so beautiful, Daywalker and Nightwalker. So opposite. So alike.  
  
"Are you two gonna hover there all creepy-like or are you gonna come in?" she suddenly snapped at them.  
  
"Vampire. Evil dead. Need invite," Bella said, unaffected.  
  
Buffy shook her head. Right. Sometimes she forgot.  
  
"I'm sorry, Bella. Come in."  
  
"And?" Bella said before entering.  
  
"You can come, too, Spike." It was like throwing a small bone to a big dog.  
  
"I meant apologize to him, too. He didn't do anything wrong," Bella told Buffy.  
  
"Oh, right" The Slayer reddedned, a bit embarrassed. "Sorry. Spike. Come in."  
  
"I assume that your argument had something to do with us." Spike said, throwing himself down on a vacant chair next to Dawn.  
  
"You know what assume does, right?" Xander issued a smart-ass remark.  
  
"How you doin', Niblet? You okay?" Spike asked Dawn, ignoring Xander.  
  
"Look, all I know is that we all need to work together. Vampire, Slayer, Witch, human... And if Bella knows how to close the Hellmouth, we have no choice but to trust her. If that means blind faith, then fine. I mean, look at Spike. He hasn't tried to eat any of us. Lately..." Willow offered.  
  
So the argument was about her. She looked to each of them and read their thoughts. The Slayer was unsure. She trusted the Vampire. But not entirely the Daywalker. The witch, Willow. She had more trust in Bella than in Spike. But she was a follower. She'd do whatever the Slayer told her. Same with Harris. Regardless of what Angel had told her, she wasn't sure how he fit in. He had nothing really special to offer. And he was annoying.  
  
The Vengeance Demon, Anya. She was stripped of her powers. But she surely was an asset due to her demon age. Bella couldn't get a clear line into her thoughts. They kept jumping... _did I leave the stove on? Why do I have to be here? This is so stupid. God, Xander looks hot. Wish I could just take him right here on the table in front of everyone. Buffy should get her hair cut like that girl on Smallville, the girl with the flippy hair. That would look cute. No, too cute. Don't need Xander getting all drooly- like over her again._ Bella shook her head with a quiet laugh. No need trying to get into her thoughts ever again. They were as erratic as Anya herself.  
  
Dawn. The kid sister. She trusted Spike. And she trusted him wholly. She seemed a bit confused, too. She had an allegiance to her sister, the Slayer. But she wanted to trust Bella, too. And she tried to play it safe, loved the Vampire with all her heart, but didn't want her sister to think that she was a betrayer. Hmmm... and there was something else about Dawn. Something Bella couldn't quite place. The girl was clearly human. She breathed and she was flesh and gurgling blood. Bella could hear it swishing through her veins, beating in and out of her living heart. But there was something not quite human there, too. She'd have to ask Spike about that later.  
  
The Watcher. Squirrely thing, he was. All twitchy and nervous. Needed to be more sure of himself, Bella decided. He did not trust Spike. And with good reason, she was sure. But what about her? She couldn't get a clear line on what he thought about her. Seemed he was on the fence about that one.  
  
"Oh, bullshit on the chip! If I wanted to eat you, I'd eat you, Harris. Just too worried that your stupidity would infect me in some way," Spike lashed out at Xander.  
  
No love lost between those two, Bella surmised.  
  
"Bella, you've been awfully quiet since you came in. I'd like to hear what you have to say," Buffy told her.  
  
"Quiet, my arse!" Spike told them. "Not stupid, is all. She's been sussing you all out since we walked in. Can feel it. Probably thinks she should pack her stuff and go back to whatever life she had on the right coast. Dealing with you bunch of pillocks probably's more than she bargained, right, Pet?"  
  
"I can speak for myself, thankyou," Bella told him with a glare that said "SHUT UP."  
  
"Look, Bella. Maybe I have no right to ask you this, but I do need your help. Giles told us your history. He told us about your mother, a Grimaldi Witch. And about your father. About Artemius. All of us have seen a lot of things that we can't explain. We've done things that most people see in John Carpenter movies. But I think that it's safe to say that we've all learned that nobody is what she... or _he_..." said Buffy, casting an apologetic glance at Spike, "appears to be on the surface."  
  
Bella stood before all of them at the round table.  
  
"Well, I'll tell you right now, this is who I am. You will never have to guess about me. I'm not too difficult to figure out. Vampire. Witch. Daywalker. Guardian," she glanced at each of them, her eyes letting them know that she was telling the truth.  
  
"I've never harmed an innocent. And I have respect for nature and for its course. I don't make snap judgements." She turned to Xander, "Something _you_ need to work on, Harris."  
  
Xander looked at his hands, crossed in front of him on the table.  
  
"Let me give you a scenario... Vampire, with or without a soul... with or without a chip," she alludes to Spike. "Charles Manson." She points to empty air.  
  
"Charles Manson... no soul. No conscience. Insane. The man has not changed. Let him out of jail tomorrow and he'll kill again." she told them.  
  
"Spike... has a soul. Has a chip. But the _man_ has changed. Even without the soul or the chip, he couldn't go back to being the monster he once was even if he tried. Conscience may have something to do with the soul, but it's marginal. No soul, no conscience? Not true. But no conscience... and we're in big trouble. Trust me. But trust him, too."  
  
Buffy stood at Bella's side and took her hand. She had made her decision and she wanted to show them that she was with Bella. She wanted them to know that she would trust whatever Bella said. Nobody else knew what Bella knew. Nobody else could help them now. She knew that. And so should they.  
  
"We listen to Bella," she told them. "The evil wants us to fight amongst ourselves. Divide us in order to conquer. We can't let that happen. We must all, and I mean _all, _be on the same page."  
  
"Xander and Anya, I want you to find out more about the Hellmouth. Go through all the books we have. I want to know everything. The more we're prepared, the better off we are." She turned to Willow. "Will, after that incident at the Hellmouth... if you ever use your magick without supervision again, I will have Bella bind you. You are to go through her on everything. Let her show you how to be responsible with your power. When Bella says you're ready, then, and only then, will you be allowed to practice on your own. In the meantime, I'd like you along with me on patrol tonight. Spike, Bella, you're both with me, too. Dawn, you can either go with Giles or with Xander and Anya. But I expect you to get your homework done no matter who you go with. And no staying up all night. You still have school in the morning." Ah, so many repsonsibilities for one small girl. So many lives depended on the Slayer. _Pity,_ Bella thought.  
  
"What about our bender, Pet?" Spike tossed to Bella with a mischievous grin.  
  
"We can have our bender. After we patrol for a bit. That way, we'll have earned it, right... _Pet_?" she cracked back at him.  
  
He scowled. All work. No fun. Hope she wasn't going to be Buffy Part II.  
  
"I heard that," Bella said, just loud enough for him to hear.

* * *

He couldn't help but laugh inwardly at the irony of it all. He, a bloodsucking vampire, on patrol to kill his own kind with a Slayer, a Wanna- Be Witch and a Daywalker-Witch hybrid. He looked at Bella thinking, _at least I won't be the only one killing my own kind_. Of course, she was... different. Not like him. Not like them. Not like anyone. They were barely two hours into patrol when the first chill filled the air.  
  
"Smell 'em, Spike?" Bella whispered, giddily. "They're near."  
  
The Slayer's hands were wrapped tightly around a wooden stake, ready to spear the first undead thing she laid eyes upon. Willow followed cautiously. They had felt the shift in the air, too.  
  
It was Bella who lunged first. Buffy and Willow couldn't see what had caught her urgent attention. Spike could and was quickly at her side. Nine of them, nine vampires, three recently turned were suddenly around them. Buffy and Willow staved off four of them, each delivering the crushing blow of the stake that turned them to dust. Bella was all over the other five and held the remaining, quivering fledgling like he was a wet rag demanding to know the location of his sire. He hissed and sputtered, told her to fuck off as he writhed in her grasp.  
  
"You know," she said, shaking her head with regret, "I was really hoping we could just do this the easy way. I mean, either way... you're getting dusted, pal. But I really didn't want to scare off my new friends this early on in the game... oh well." She slipped into game face, one quite different than the ones to which Buffy and Willow had become accustomed. Her eyes went transluscent, a glass-like peridot. Her fangs appeared sharp, white and cat-like. And the tiny veins just under her skin came closer to the surface, making her skin appear to be made of tissue.  
  
"Fine, we'll do this the hard way," she said as she sunk her fangs into the fledgling's jugular. He couldn't wrestle his way out of her grasp, no matter how he tried. No matter the fact that he stood head and shoulders above her in height. After she had taken enough of his blood to sustain her, she staked him through his cold, dead heart.  
  
She knew that they were watching her. Maybe even second-guessing. She carefully wiped her lips, keeping her back to them until she shook off her game face. _Ah, now the fun part_. She turned to face them: the Slayer, the Vampire and the Wanna-Be Witch. Each with their own expression of terror imprinted on their pale faces.  
  
"Oh, good lord, grow up. I told you what I am. And he didn't want to cooperate," she told them and continued on the patrol as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Uh, I just... was that nec-"  
  
"Yes, Buffy. Yes. That was neccessary. He wouldn't tell me who sired him. He wouldn't even dare to think it. So, I took it. I took it from him," Bella told her.  
  
Buffy was confused.  
  
"You... took?" Willow asked, trying to piece together what sucking the creature dry had to do with taking something from him.  
  
"You. Not saying a whole lot. Forget what it's like to take one of your own? You learn EVERYTHING through their blood." She reminded Spike, who had been staring in silence before that.  
  
"You know where his sire is, then?" he asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, then, let's find him."  
  
"Her."  
  
"Her?"  
  
"Her."  
  
"Okay... let's find _her _then, Pet."  
  
"I don't think so, Spike." she told him.  
  
"What's... what's going on, Bella?" Willow asked timidly. Bella was still locked into Spike's gaze. This had something to do with him somehow.  
  
"Her... who?" Buffy asked, afraid to know.  
  
"It was Drucilla," Bella finally conceded.

But Angel had killed her... killed her and Darla both in a baptism by fire.  
  
"I think that it would be best if you let me handle her," Bella told them.  
  
Dru? _His _Dru? But he couldn't understand how. And how did Bella know the connection?  
  
"I saw her. And I saw you. It was in the blood, Spike. I don't want your judgement clouded by this. Now, please. Let me do this alone."  
  
"No!" he hollered.  
  
"It wasn't a question," she told him sadly. "I don't want you involved in this."  
  
And then she was gone.


	6. And Then There Was Dru

Spike stood stunned. Dru? But... how? Angel had killed her. Hadn't he? He should have known by now that nothing was impossible when it came to Drucilla.  
  
Buffy touched his arm and broke him out of his wondrous daze.  
  
"Spike," she said gently. "Bella... she... she has to..."  
  
He bowed his head and turned away from the Slayer. He knew what Bella had to do. And he knew that he was a coward, but he was glad that he didn't have to do it. Maybe that meant that he hadn't loved her as much as he once did. Her leaving him for a fungus demon, of course, figured into it heavily.  
  
"I doubt she feels very good about it," Willow offered. A strange thing, sympathy in her throat for for him.  
  
Didn't make him feel any better. But he nodded in appreciation of her sentiment. He felt tears of anger and loss welling up in eyes. Stop it you damned fool, he told himself. Didn't even know she was alive until a few moments ago and now this sickening feeling of emptiness. He felt so stupid.  
  
Buffy moved to put an arm cautiously around him. She understood his history, as fucked up as it was, with Drucilla. He had loved her for a very long time. And he had the same deep love for Angel or he wouldn't hate him as much as he did.  
  
"Aw, Bloody Hell. I got to go... I can't let Bella go after Dru on her own. Dru... she's sick. She's completely off her bird... Bella, she can't go at her alone."  
  
Buffy nodded. She knew that wasn't true. Yes, Drusilla was out of her mind. But she had no worries about Bella annhilating her. She knew why Spike needed to go. And she let him, to Willow's gaped-mouth surprise.  
  
"Go ahead, Spike. We understand."  
  
He was gone in an instant. Sometimes it amazed her the speed at which vampires could travel when they wanted.  
  
"Okay, I _so_ did not understand. I need you to explain to me why you just let -- no, _sent_ him to help off Bella." Willow accused.  
  
"That's not why he wanted to go, Willow," Buffy told her friend. She did know a thing or two about Spike, even though she hated to admit it at times. "He needed to be there... to... to be a man. He needed to face this head-on. He needed to see it through...and I don't think he wanted her to die alone."  
  
"Oh," Willow said, still a little confused. She tried to put herself in Spike's place. She had been Big Bad not too long ago. She could have been killed. And even if it were for the best, she knows that it would have torn Tara up. But she also knows that Tara wouldn't have let her die alone. She would have at least been there to make sure that the last person she saw loved her. _Oh, God... Tara_. Oh, it still tore at her heart and turned it inside out to think of how they were having a conversation one moment and Tara's flame was extinguished in the next. Yes. She understood.  
  
"Do... do you think he'll be al -- no, of course he won't. Do people... do they pray for vampires?" Willow asked.  
  
"No, I don't think they do. But they do pray for their friends."  
  
They bowed their heads and closed their eyes.

* * *

Bella had found Dru in an abandoned house just a few blocks from the cemetery. She couldn't get a line into her head, but figured that was just as well. She could smell her, though. The lilacky sweetness of death and insanity bathed Dru from head to toe.  
  
"My, my, my. Aren't you just the proverbial cat with nine lives," Bella said, eyes fixed on Dru's slender back. She was a throw-back to the Victorian era. All ringlets, corsets and lace. "Or, in your case, nine deaths."  
  
Dru turned to her with a spacy smile. "I can still smell him, floating all around you. And he will come to me, burning baby fish swimming all around in his head... and then where will you go?" she asked. She had no idea that she should be scared of Bella. None at all.  
  
"Drusilla, I'm not here to reunite you with your dead lover. And I'm not here to walk down memory lane with you--"  
  
Dru was at her side, sniffing her hair. Cigarette smoke mingled with a spicy scent. But there was no heartbeat. No heat radiating from the girl she circled.  
  
"Did he turn you?" she asked Bella, circling her in a raptorial pace.  
  
"No."  
  
Bella could see that she was clearly psychotic. She didn't want to play these games with Dru. She wanted to get this done. But a part of her couldn't help but be curious about this demon whom Spike had loved so much that he had allowed her to treat him like a pathetic dog, always nipping at her heels, taking up her scraps, doing her bidding in hopes for just a bit of affection from her.  
  
"Do you love him?" Dru asked as if in a world all her own. Her eyes glittered as she moved dreamily.  
  
"Love?" Bella laughed, a whiskey-rasped laugh of 'what the fuck' more than anything else. "I think you have bigger things to worry about than who I love." _I don't even know how to grasp a feeling like love... I don't even think that I want to grasp the feeling if this is what it does to you... makes you all whacked out and evil,_ she thought.  
  
Drusilla stopped moving in circles and went into game face. "Oh, your facae is a poem. I can read it," she growled.

"Then I guess you already know why I'm here," Bella told her, her hand wrapped around the stake she concealed under her jacket.

She was ready to take Dru when she felt him. _Goddammit, Spike_! But she couldn't have expected that he could stay away. Like a trainwreck. Had to see it to believe it. He was scared. He was stunned. But he wasn't going to get in her way. She knew that much. The stake was in her hands, she was poised above Dru, ready to take her. Then he saw her stop.  
  
"How, Dru? How... how did...?" He was choking on the lump in his throat. Bella had the decency to step back and let him go to Dru. His arms were around her. "You're... you're here... but how? The fire..."  
  
"Take more than a fire to get rid of me, my King of Cups" she drawled, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. He would take her away from this crazy bitch with the bit. They would take her together and then have a celabratory fuck, she smiled remembering celebratory fucks from not so long ago.  
  
Spike suddenly tensed. No. _No_. He didn't want this. He couldn't let Dru pull him in. Not at all. "Shall we tie her up, play with her a little first?" she smiled dreamily at Spike. Bella watched from the shadows.  
  
Spike pulled away from her and turned to Bella, scrubbing at his eyes with fists in a fit of confusion... and then of clarity. He knew what he had to do. He walked to Bella and pulled her to him. He held her close and she could feel him shaking with grief. All at once she understood.  
  
"We can be together for all of eternity, my Love. We'll sleep naked, like the animals and walk this world together, like King and Queen tasting something new and wonderful every night," Dru pleaded.  
  
He turned back to her and she was reaching out to him, her arms open and her game face promising him return, without question, to the life he had forsaken long before Bella had arrived. He moved toward her. He opened an arm to her, kept the other close to his body. Dru smiled and crushed herself into his chest.  
  
"I'll love you to the moon and stars and back again... and you'll love me," she purred.  
  
He squeezed his eyes shut to keep back the tears. "That's where you're wrong, Love," he told her. " And it's because I do love you, Dru." He saw the look of realization and then horror move across her troubled eyes as he drove the stake through her.  
  
He stood motionless, stake still in his hand. He'd slipped it away from Bella when he had gone to her. He stared down at the remains of Dru. _What a way to fuck up the night_, he thought sadly. It seemed like a dream, the moment he saw her until the moment she was gone.  
  
"Collect the ashes," he told Bella in a cracking whisper. "Scatter them. Scatter them so that she can't ever come back."  
  
She reached inside her jacket and retrieved her satchel. She started to bend to scoop up the pile of Dru's remains, but he caught her by the elbow on her way down. She looked up at him, so wounded. So lost. That soul of his was eating him up in the worst way. She could feel how broken he was as she took him in her arms, pulling his head down on her strong, small shoulder.  
  
"Shhh... shhh... you did the right thing. You... oh, baby." She stroked his hair, trying her best to soothe him. She remembered the horrific look on her mother's face as Artemius took her life. Her own eyes had begin to well up with stinging tears. "Shh... It will be alright. Let me make this right."  
  
He sniffed back his tears. How had he become so close to Bella so quickly? It was almost within a breath. It took him by surprise, the intense feeling he suddenly had for her. Neediness. _Needy damned vampire_. _Could... could fall in love with her. _He leaned against the wall behind her, watched as she stood over Dru's ashes.  
  
She moved her hands slowly over the pile of what was once Dru, speaking quietly in Latin, and it rose like a tiny tornado. "Scatter!" she told it and with a brisk, quick gust they were gone.  
  
"I think... I think I could use that drink now... if you want to join me," she told Spike.  
  
"Yeah..." he said, nodding in a semi-detached way.  
  
"Yeah?" she asked, taking his hand in hers.  
  
"Yeah."


	7. Of Blood and Roses

Spike was quiet on the way to Bella's apartment. Gratefully, she did nothing to fill the silence. He had just killed his former lover. Drucilla had been beautiful, but every bit as batty as Buffy had said she was. Her heart ached for Spike. She knew how it felt to watch someone you loved die and to be helpless to it.  
  
"I live here, " she said to him, stopping in front of a brownstone. It was a small facility, but she liked it that way. She unlocked the door and they walked somberly down the stairs into a short, dimly lit hallway. There were four doors. Hers was 4B. She turned the key in the deadbolt and invited him into her home.  
  
"It's not much, but... it's all mine." She smiled weakly.  
  
He followed her through the door into the living room. It was sparsely furnished with a black, leather sectional, a coffee table fashioned by an abstract top of bevelled glass on a base of what appeared to be a tangle of glazed, black branches. Off behind the living room was a small dining area. She had a table for two covered in a flowing, silken gown of red cloth. The chairs were dark wood cushioned with tufted red pads. On top of the red cloth, she had a drape of black gossamer freckled with tiny silver stars. In the center was a large, glass vase full of blood-red roses. His eyes darted back to the sofa and table, then across to a closed black armoire which he supposed served as some sort of entertainment center.  
  
"Here, I'll give you the nickel tour," she offered. "This is the living room. There's the dining room," she led him over to it. "Got these at the Farmers' Market yesterday morning before I went over and scared Giles. Aren't they beautiful?" He nodded. She led him, next, to the kitchen which passed through from the dining area and overlooked the living area.  
  
The kitchen was immaculate. Spotless. Cleaner than anything he'd ever seen. Supposed she needn't cook. Probably didn't eat. Although, she did have a few copper pots gleaming and hanging on a trestle from the ceiling. There was a wood chopping board on the back counter near the sink. Assorted cannisters which he supposed held the staples -- sugar, flour, coffee and salt. No pictures on the fridge. No postcards. Just one solitary magnet which read "Breanna Brews -- You Already Know Our Number." _Odd magnet_, he thought. _Some sort of kitschy-witchy thing, perhaps._ The kitchen emptied out next to the short hallway.  
  
"Bathroom," she pointed at the open door to her left and a candle ignited from on top of the toilet tank. Feminine acouterments, he thought, with a quick glance. A tube of lipstick on the sink, lotion and soap. A small make-up bag. Fluffy towels on the towel rack. Thick, dark red rugs in front of the tub and covering the loo. It smelled like cinnabar. Sweet, spicy and heady. Like Bella's hair.  
  
"Here's my room," she led him into her bedroom. He felt like he was stepping into a sanctuary of a goddess. Her king-sized bed was made neatly. It was so fluffy and girly, he chuckled in spite of himself. And massive. Flanked by a white-washed headboard and footboard with posts reaching near the ceiling. Gauzy material draped the canopy. The champagne comforter that covered it was made of satin and quilted velvet and embellished with glass beads and silken embroidery. It reminded him of a wedding gown; pure, innocent, regal and virginal. It was piled high with champagne-clothed pillows of various sizes and materials... velvet, satin, fur and leather. He wanted to take her in it right then and there. He looked to her and saw a bit of color flash into her cheeks. _Didn't guard that thought too well, did I?_ he thought.  
  
There were matching white-washed nightstands on either side of the bed with matching glass lamps. There was a book sitting on the one on the right. Blood and Gold by Anne Rice. He smiled at her choice of fiction. Ah, the romanticism of vampires by an excellent author. And read by what he was now beginning to regard as a romantic vampire, despite the air of bad-ass she put off.  
  
Her dresser had a glass tray with a few bottles of perfumes, vials of oils. She also had a large wooden cross, Jesusless like the one around her neck, sitting in the center.  
  
"I was raised to respect all gods and godesses," she told Spike. "And being Italian, I have a strong respect for Catholicism. I'm just all about polytheism."  
  
She led him back into the hall and paused at the closed door across from the bathroom. She put her hand on the knob and then stopped. She turned to him and searched his eyes for a moment.  
  
"I can trust you." she told him, as she opened the door. In an instant, the darkened room was lit by several large pillars. The cinnabar scent hit him like a spell. But he also smelled something else. Blood. In the center of the room was a gleaming, marble altar. There was a small bowl placed in the center back. And two candles, one to the right and the other to the left, both in front, creating a triangle. There was a wall of cabinets with locks behind it.  
  
"This is my mother's altar. The one by which I was conceived, I guess you could say," she said with a tiny laugh that seemed to startle her. "I keep the cabinets locked. Safety. I keep my spell books, my oils and herbs, candles... all of my witchy items in there."  
  
He was impressed with the room. He was impressed with Bella. He was sensing so many different emotions coming from her. She was still swirling with the heat of fledgling blood she had taken earlier. He also felt her loss as she snapped out the candles and closed the door. He felt ... fear? No, but something making her more timid than she had been before. Something more like... vulnerability.  
  
She turned and he was right there. That hint of color crept into her cheeks again.  
  
"Think we said something earlier about getting... gatted?" She quickly closed herself off and headed back to the kitchen. He followed her, watching as she swished down the hall. It was mesmerizing the way her ass moved like a pendulem.  
  
"I've got some vino... red of course. But I tend to be a mash girl, myself," she told him pulling out a large bottle of Jack Daniels from behind the bar in the kitchen. "You wouldn't guess it by looking at me, but I can drink my weight in brown," she told him as she pulled out two glasses and began filling them well past the one-shot mark.  
  
Spike couldn't help but smile at her. He hadn't said much since they had left the abandoned house where she had found Drucilla. And she didn't push him to talk. Didn't try to fill the air with nervous chatter like girls do because they can't stand the awkward silence. The silence wasn't awkward with Bella.  
  
"No windows," Spike noticed as he took a glass from her.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"You've no windows in here, pet." He threw back the double-plus of whiskey she had poured him.  
  
She looked around.  
  
"Oh my gosh! You're right!" She tossed back her glass, just as full as his, and knocked down the bitter brew without even wincing.  
  
"Sub-floor. Vampire in me. Can't help it," she said, refilling their glasses. "Since I was turned and Mamma moved on," she took a thoughtful swig from her glass, "really have no desire to live in the light."  
  
"But you can," Spike said, knocking back the booze. "You can live in the light. Do you understand what a blessing that is, Bella?"  
  
She leaned on the countertop and looked across it into his eyes. _Blue, blue beautiful eyes... don't fall Bella. Don't fall into them,_ she told herself. Spike held her gaze from his barstool perch, trying to get a line into her mind. Type of vampire she was, couldn't get one unless she wanted you to do it. And she did.  
  
_How can I live in the light when I was created by the dark? I'm the damnation of a fallen white witch and an ancient, evil vampire. I was created by tainted blood. I was turned to be a killer.  
_  
"But you're not, pet. You aren't tainted. You aren't evil. You've been able to take the lot you were dealt and rise above it. You really should live a little more in the light. Do it for all us poor blokes who incenerate at daylight." he joked.  
  
She suddenly felt guilt sweep over her.  
  
"Oh, Bella, sweet... it's not your fault that you were created the way you were. And, I didn't mean to imply that -- "  
  
"No, it's okay. You're right. I'm awfully dungeon and dragons for a girl, immortal or not, who can actually go out during the day and be among the living... be alive. I'm just more comfortable this way since my mother... since that night. You know, you're the first person I've ever invited to my place," she told him, finishing off her glass before grabbing the bottle for a refill. Didn't even invite anyone over in New York, she'd told him.  
  
_This bint sure can drink,_ he thought as he watched he down her third glass.  
  
_Nothing else to do when you're alone,_ was her silent response. He heard it. She'd let her guard down with him. What the hell was she doing?  
  
"I," she said, snapping out of her reverie, "Have a kick-ass record, and yes, we are talking pristeen vinyl, collection!" She made her way over to the armoire and opened it. Yep. Telly, stereo, all things electronic and entertaining inside of it.  
  
"Misfits fan much?" she asked, holding up a stack of albums in their original jackets, slip of cellophane still acting as a dustcover.  
  
He knelt down on the floor with her and began thumbing through her record collection. Misfits, Zepplin, Motley Crue, The Damned, Sex Pistols, Dead Kennedys... what was this? _Un Bal Masque_?  
  
"Ooh, that's one of my favorites. It's a really super-rare LP," she was slurring a little. "Opera."  
  
"Opera? Among the Misfits?" he was laughing. She practically in tears. The way he said it struck her as the funniest thing she'd ever heard in her life.  
  
He carefully took the disc from its jacket. Big, shiny black 10"... don't see those much anymore. He placed it on the turn table and carefully set the needle on it.  
  
"Sure you wouldn't rather hear _Angelfuck_?" She asked with a devilish grin as she held up her **Legacy of Brutality** record.  
  
"Tempting," he told her. "But I'd rather find out more about you... and I think this record is the one that will tell me what I want to know."  
  
They stayed seated on the gray shag carpet in front of the armoire. She felt a strange calm having him there with her. It was nice to not be alone.  
  
"So, tell me love, how many hearts have you broken in your time?" He twisted the glass in his hands, curious about who Bella, the woman, was.  
  
"None that I know of," she told him honestly. _None. None?_ He saw her with vampire's eyes, critical of any flaw, any imperfection. He couldn't find any. How could any human man be immune to her lethal beauty?  
  
"Mamma kept me rather... sheltered. And that was fine by me," she explained.  
  
"No prom date for you, s'what you're saying?"  
  
"No high school for me. Mamma home-schooled me all my life. She was my mother, my teacher, my playmate. And when I'd get bored with her, she'd conjure up something for me to amuse myself with."  
  
"But after..."  
  
"Oh, after... well, yeah. I just went out, you know, all newly-turned being the worldly woman I was and had myself a major fuck-fest."  
  
Spike's eyes grew wide.  
  
"NOT." She had lived just as sheltered a life as she had when Teofania was alive. If not an even more sequestered existence.  
  
"Well, what have you done since you were turned then?" he wanted to know, curiosity thick in his voice.  
  
She stood up and went over to the counter and returned with the bottle of whiskey. She took a hefty chug and then passed it to him.  
  
"Fuck formality, yeah pet?" he laughed, taking just as healthy a swig.  
  
"Yeah. Fuck formality." She agreed. The aria was lilting softly in the air. It was cathartic for her. It gave her such a wash of peace.

"Killed things. That's what I've done. Gone to work for the Grigori," she said with a sigh.  
  
"I was turned in the early 80s... that would be 1980's," she joked. "I was all about the music and the witchcraft and believing Mamma when she said that I needed to always be with her. Too much bad stuff out there. Too much that could hurt me. Didn't stop me from sneaking out a time or two and hanging in the back of CBGB's to take in a punk or metal band. But I did it undetected. Invisible. One of the perks of being a witch. Can go places, do things, without anyone seeing me."  
  
"And after?" he prodded again.  
  
_Never had a friend,_ she thought. _Not sure how to do this at all, but want to tell him everything.  
_  
"After... I didn't leave the apartment for a month. Too scared. Too depressed. And then," she belted back some more booze, "Then I just got pissed."  
  
She told him how she started hunting every night. Hunting for her kind. And slaying them with no mercy. She told him how she actually got off on the slayings.  
  
"I hated them all so much, all of the evil blood-sucking things... and I hated myself for being one of them. I had held the same stake to my own chest so many times... until she came to me... Mamma."  
  
It was hard to imagine Bella, the girl he'd fought beside earlier, fearless, strong, confident and wise, as anything else. Her strength had been borne of her fear.  
  
"I've never had... I've never had a friend." There. She'd said it. Wasn't that difficult.  
  
He felt such a pain in his dead heart.  
  
"I've never gone to a slumber party. I've never giggled on the phone about a boy. I've never even kissed a boy." She was looking at her hands, feeling stupid. "Yep, now you know. Big bad scary Daywalker has never lived. Not even when I was alive."  
  
"Bella, " he said softly. He tilted her face up with a cool hand so that she would look at him. "Love, I would be honored to be your friend. So, you're a late-bloomer. So was William Grieves... and I think I turned out bloody good."  
  
Her eyes were shimmering. And a slow smile played on her lips. She reached for his hand and held it tightly in hers, like she was afraid that if she didn't, he'd run off.  
  
"Not going anywhere, Pet. I'm not all about doing make-overs, but if you got some black laquer, we can do mannis," he joked. "And I can stay up all night stuffing myself on chocolate."  
  
"Are you offering to have a slumber party with me?" she smiled coyly.  
  
"I'm offering... a little living to you. A little late, but I think a bit of the tipple, black nails and contraband chocolate make a pretty decent overnight soiree, don't you?"  
  
He was so bad that he was good.  
  
"We can even giggle about boys, if you fancy?"  
  
She let out an infectious laugh.  
  
"Can we sneak smokes and then spray air freshener to try to hide the stink?" She giggled, pulling two cigs from the battered packet in her jacket pocket.  
  
"Definately," Spike said lighting first hers and then his. He could be chivalrous when he wanted to. Just nobody else ever noticed his kind gestures.  
  
Bella peeled the leather jacket from her slim body and tossed it behind her, haphazardly. Spike couldn't help but notice how her black t-shirt hugged her taut body. _Friends, friends, don't wanna fuck this up, friends,_ he chanted to himself.  
  
She dragged thoughtfully on her cigarette.  
  
"Since I don't have any interesting stories, tell me one of yours," she told him.  
  
One of his? His were full of blood. Full of hate. Full of ...  
  
"Tell me... tell me what it's like to be in love."  
  
In... love? Which time? With Cecilly? Where he was like a fucking dog, wanting her and writing bloody awful poetry when she wouldn't even cast a glance his way? With Dru? Where it was all about the hunt and the bloodlust and about fucking and lunacy? Or with Buffy? Where it was all about Buffy's feelings and her self-loathing and her hatred of him but her desire to fuck him silly nonetheless?  
  
"Don't know that I'm the authority on that subject, pet." he quietly offered.  
  
"But.. you loved Dru... didn't you?"  
  
"Yes, I did love Dru. Part of me always will. But it... it wasn't a good kind of love." No, not good. Not what he could feel for Bella if he didn't stop himself. "Love... well, pet, like the song says Love Stinks. It takes you and twists you until your innards are knotted up. My experiences with love... not the best. Usually one-sided."  
  
"No shining moments where the whole world seems to stand still for just you, huh? Yeah. I figured love was about as much," she said with just a bit of disappointment in her voice.  
  
"There's so many kind of ways to love, pet. With Dru..." He couldn't believe he was offering her any of this. "It was really... a neccessity. She wasn't all right, pet. And my love for her was an adulteration of bloodlust, sex, survival... keeping her from going mad. Keeping myself from going mad from lonliness. It wasn't the kind of love that I would wish for you."  
  
"Well, I really don't need to be falling in love anyhow. I'm here to help save the world. Got a mission. Can't go fucking it all to Hell by falling in love... right?" she asked weakly.  
  
"C'mere, Pet," he told her. She crawled willingly into his arms and began to sob, uncontrollable shaking sobs. She buried her face against his chest and let him stroke her hair. _Stupid, so fucking stupid, Bella._ She was so angry with herself. _Fucking display of emotion. Weak. Fucking weak._ But being curled up against him felt too good to even care about being weak or stupid. She'd care later. She was sure of that.  
  
He could hear her thoughts swirling. Made him hold her even tighter. Poor girl, been dead almost as long as she'd been alive. And not even allowed to live back then? It was fucked up, that's what it was, he decided.  
  
She pulled back, still in his arms.  
  
"If you tell anyone about me getting all blubbery and..." she was choking on her tears, "I'll stake you." He knew she wouldn't.  
  
"You know, pet, seeing you like this... all soft and emotional... rather girly, in fact..."  
  
She cracked a smile and playfully swatted at him.  
  
"Love's nice thing. When it's real. And when it's right. And when it's reciprocated. And you'll find that when you're ready for it. I think that you've got enough on your plate between dealing with the big bad and actually being forced into such a fucked-up social situation among the Scoobies."  
  
"And let's not forget me having my first-ever friend." She rubbed at her pink-rimmed eyes.  
  
"Yes, let's not forget that," he said, rubbing his thumb gently over her tear-stained cheek.  
  
_Is it a bad thing to want to kiss your first-ever friend?_ she thought.  
  
"So, isn't it something girls do at slumber parties, you know, practice kissing boys on pillows and on their hands?" he cracked.  
  
_Conceal, dammit. Conceal!_ She reminded herself that she had opened herself wide up to him. He could still hear her thoughts. _Fuck it, Bella. Kiss him already.  
_  
"That's what I hear... but I've got a real, live boy at my slumber party." Her voice was husky, and unmistakably inviting him in.  
  
"Well, I don't know about the live part... but we can pretend." She was fun to tease. And he felt a sense of trust with her that he had never felt with anyone before, living or dead.  
  
_Fuck it_. "Spike... just... kiss me," she said, holding him in her gaze, "Or you'll force me to put the thrall on you."  
  
"I thought you already had," he said, softly, leaning toward her face, letting himself fall into her beautiful eyes. Her hands slid up and around his neck. Real, live boy. In an instant, she was in his lap, straddling him, her face just a breath's width away from his. He had one hand on the small of her back, the other tangled in her hair. He wanted this to be special. Different. He wanted to engrain himself in her so that she wouldn't forget him, couldn't stop herself from falling in love with him. And he would love her and protect her... he knew that she was the one he'd been lonely without for so long. Even if she wasn't sure of it yet. He was locked in her eyes and that's where he wanted to stay. _I'm going to kiss you now,_ he told her silently._ I really wish you would,_ was her impatient response. He toyed with the idea of making her wait, just for a moment, but realized that he didn't want to wait any longer. His lips brushed softly over hers, eliciting a small gasp and shudder from her. He took his time, sipping lightly on her bottom lip. If she'd had a heartbeat, it would be frantic by now. He was in no rush. He nuzzled her nose with his, stopping to softly kiss the tip before returning to her lips. No matter what she was... witch, vampire, daywalker, guardian... right now, she was just a girl. Just a soft, sweet girl who wanted him to be the first to ever taste her mouth. He dipped his tongue between lips and she parted them to him. _Excruciating..._ he thought..._ this is heaven_. _This is everything. This girl._ He ran his tongue deep into the soft hollow of her mouth. _She could stake me now and I'd die knowing I'd tasted heaven._ He didn't care if she heard his every thought. He didn't want to have any secrets from Bella. He felt her tongue tentatively slip into his mouth and explore languorously. She tasted sweet of whiskey, smoke and blood. Like him. He sucked on her tongue, getting lost in her encouraging mews against his mouth. She had practically melded herself into him, firm breasts pressed into him, squeezing his waist with her thighs. He licked her lips, now swollen from kissing and released her with a few more lingering kisses before looking into her eyes.  
  
"Pet, if I don't stop kissing you now, you'll never get rid of me. And just ask anyone, I'm quite the sycophant when I'm enchanted. I'll have you ready to stake me within a week," he told her. She didn't move from his lap. Her arms were still settled on his shoulders, fingers stroking his hair, the back of his neck. Somewhere in there, his hands had moved down to her ass. And were still there, without any protest from her.  
  
"No, I don't think I'll want to stake you. Not after that. That's what I've been missing, huh?" Her eyes glittered a jewel-green.  
  
"Something like that. I don't profess to be the best-- "  
  
She silenced him with a soft kiss to his already tingling lips.  
  
"Everything happens for a reason, Spike. I could have snuck out and made out with boys and... well, apparently I was supposed to wait for you. And I'm glad I did."  
  
She said such dizzying things. He caught sight of the clock on the wall. Just about sunrise. He needed to go and hide out in his crypt until he could see her again.  
  
"Don't... Don't go." She held him captive in her eyes. Not with the thrall, but with something else that he didn't even think that she was aware of.  
  
"Burn up if I don't get to bed before sun's up, Pet" he told her.  
  
"Then stay here. With me. You don't have to tell any of them where you were, if you don't want... just... stay here, please?" She was worried that he'd be against them finding out? Now that was different.  
  
"I promise... I won't make you kiss me anymore," she smiled. He was sure that her smile greatly rivaled the sunrise at that moment. He took her face in his hands and tasted her lips and mouth again and again, making sure she was real.  
  
They fell asleep somewhere in between the opera, the kissing and noontime. He awoke, surprised to find her still curled into his chest, her head bent into him, legs wrapped around his. He tried not to wake her as he made out the time on the clock... 6:15 PM. It would be time to patrol soon. And would it feel different? Patrolling at Bella's side after spending a night discovering the woman behind the guardian? She moved against him, eyes slowly recovering from booze-induced sleep.  
  
"Didn't want to move and wake you," he said to her as she focused on him.  
  
"Mmm... didn't wake me. Dream did." She smiled.  
  
Dream, huh? Wonder what she was dreaming about, he thought. She stood and stretched, with a squeal. It was endearing.  
  
"M'gonna take a shower, get ready for patrol. Just in case you're... hungry.... there's blood in the fridge. It's from the butcher, though. Oink, oink," she offered before scampering down the hall to the bathroom.  
  
What was he getting himself into? Falling in love with another slayer, right? Well, not really. Bella was him. She was more like him than anyone he'd ever known, living or dead. She was dead. She was an immortal. But she was so alive inside. Just nobody ever bothered to show her that. Didn't want to fall in love. She'd said as much. But her mouth, her insatiable mouth... and her thoughts said something different. She liked him there. She liked him near her. She liked him touching her, kissing her... she hadn't wanted him to leave. Dammit, Women! Alive or dead, equally confusing. He took her up on her offer for a cuppa. Much as he'd grown accustomed to animal blood, still needed jazzing up with a hit of hot sauce and a few seconds in the microwave to take the chill off. Bella had neither of those things. He nosed around through the cabinets and came across a bottle of Absolute Peppar. _Talk about a Bloody Mary_, he thought as he put a liberal amount of the spicy vodka into the mug of blood. He took a gulp. _Not half-bad.  
_  
He could smell all things female spilling out through the partially-open bathroom door. Soap and shampoo, fruity, spicy and sweet. He walked around to the living room and sat on the sofa. He noticed pictures he'd been too sidetracked to see the night before. There were a couple on the armoire. Bella and her mother. Had to be her mother. Just as beautiful and mysterious in looks. Bella looked like she was only 5 or 6 in the picture. She was a gorgeous child with big green eyes and flushed cheeks, tanned skin. Alive. There was another picture of the two of them together. Bella looked like she did now, but not exactly. There was something different. He went to the picture to get a closer look. Mother looked like she hadn't aged a bit. Witches were like that. But Bella, she looked pretty much the way she did now, but there was something different in her eyes.  
  
"That was the day I was turned," she told him, startling him with her stealth. She was even lighter and quicker on her feet than he was.  
  
She had a large, red towel wrapped around her. Her hair hung , still wet and fragrant with shampoo or conditioner or whatever other concoction girls liked to use to make their hair shinier. He could feel the heat from her skin rising. Hot water felt good as long as you were in it, he knew this. Temporary warmth.  
  
"Mamma and I had our picture taken earlier in the day... my 18th birthday. Before Artemius showed up. Last picture of either of us... alive." She said with measured indifference.  
  
He could tell that whenever she thought about what had happened that awful night, she tried to shake it off immediately. Couldn't really blame her.  
  
"You were both beautiful, love. You still are." He placed the picture back on the armoire and leaned to kiss her warm lips. She returned his kiss before reminding him that they had to get ready to patrol.  
  
She went to her bedroom and closed the door. Made him wish he had x-ray vision. He imagined how beautiful she looked naked. He wanted to touch her everywhere. Wanted to be her first everything. Wanted to be the one to love her for the rest of their lives. She'd had such an affect on him in such a short time. He wanted her to be his for eternity.  
  
She came back out after a few minutes. Cinnabar. He smelled it on her. She was wearing a pair of Levi's, faded and blue, with a thick, black leather belt. The belt was well-worn, like the jeans. Soft and lived-in. She'd pulled a dark-green baby-tee over it which showed just the smallest amount of belly. Her belly-button was pierced. He noticed it as she pushed her hands into her pockets to set them right. She grabbed her boots from the living room floor, where she had thrown them along wth her jacket. She sat on the edge of the sofa next to him, pulling them on. He reached over and brushed her hair from her face.  
  
"Think they'll know?" he half-joked, referring to the Scoobies and their slumber party.  
  
"Do you care if they know?" she asked.  
  
This was totally different from his tryst with Buffy where she came to him, used him and then swore him to secrecy about their relationship of convenience.  
  
"If they suspect... well, just tell them that the pathetic and lonely daywalker took advantage of her first-ever friend. Thought that it was customary to slip your buddy the tongue," she joked.  
  
"Sweet, we can tell the world or we can keep this to ourselves until we're sure of what it is," he told her. "It's your call, love. Being with you -- in any way -- on patrol, in your living room drinking whiskey... or drinking you... it's enough for me."  
  
She stood and offered him her hand. He helped her into her jacket and followed her out the door, waiting as she bolted it. She took his hand tightly in hers as they walked out into the night.  
  
"Can I keep you?" she asked, smiling at him, already knowing the answer.


	8. Snarky Is As Snarky Does

Bella walked to the Magick Box alone after leaving Spike at his crypt to change clothes. He'd kissed her like he was afraid he'd never see her again. He was incorrigable in a completely endearing way. Willow was sitting at the round table with Giles. They were both studying something on a laptop.  
  
"Hey, Willow, Rupe. What's on the small-screen?" she asked, pausing in the doorway.  
  
"Bella. Come in, come in," Giles stood and offered his seat to her even though there were plenty of others. The British certainly were a hospitable bunch. "Willow and I were just seeing if we could find any other instances of the Hellmouth."  
  
"Why didn't you just ask?" She stood over Willow and glanced at the screen. Like they'd find anything useful about the Hellmouth on a human search engine.  
  
"Pardon?" Giles took off his glasses and nervously went to cleaning them on his jacket. Tweed. Stuffy.  
  
"Why. Didn't. You. Just. Ask." She could be very sarcastic. Willow was beginning to think that all vampires were as snarky as Spike.  
  
"Um, okay. I'll bite..." Willow said before quickly adding, "Not really... bite. No, um... poor choice of words."  
  
"Hellmouth. I know of three in this world. There's one in India, another in Hawaii. Then there's Sunnydale."  
  
"Hawaii?" Giles and Willow both said, jaws dropped, eyes round.  
  
"Oh, come on. Like that's not the most obvious of the three? State made up of an archepelago of volcanoes and you don't see the relativity?" She wondered about them. "Hawaii... evil. Polynesians... Sons of Lucifer. Bad, _baaad _Hawaii. And you don't even want to know about Don Ho!"  
  
Was she for real?  
  
"What about Don Ho?" Buffy asked, catching the tail-end of the conversation as she walked through the door. Spike was a step behind her. "C'mon in," she threw to him in an afterthought.  
  
His eyes locked on Bella as soon as he saw her.  
  
"Don Ho. Evil. _Baaad_ Hawaiian," Willow paraphrased Bella.  
  
"This isn't the only Hellmouth," Giles told them, still taken aback by the discovery.  
  
"Well, that's great. You found that out online, Will?" she asked, peering over Willow's shoulder at the computer screen.  
  
"Um, no... actually, we found that out about 30 seconds ago. From Bella." She told the Slayer.  
  
Buffy turned to Bella with quite the same slack-jawed, pie-eyed stare as the one she'd received from Willow and Giles when they had first heard the news.  
  
"I know, _I know_. Same look _they_ gave me," Bella joked, rolling her eyes. She noticed that Spike was back to being all despondent.  
  
"Three. Hellmouth. _Mouths_. Plural," Willow continued excitedly.  
  
"India, Hawaii and Sunnydale." Giles finished.  
  
"How--" Buffy had to pause to collect her thoughts. "How do you know this?"  
  
"I been around da block a few times," Bella joked in a thick New York accent which was an exaggeration of the one she already had. "Seriously? I met an Agathodemon at this underground club in the city -- kind of like the CBGB's for the undead and such. Ooh, he could tell you some wild tales. But I do know for a fact that the tales he told were the truth. Creepy truth... things I didn't think I'd ever want or need to know. Guess _I_ was wrong, huh?"  
  
Bella talked about it like it was just another night at a hot club with a kick-ass punk band. And about 200 or so of the undead and demon genre. Spike could feel a smile threatening to crack its way across his face. He loved the way she interacted with them. He could just hear them now making comparisons to him. She's abrasive. Sarcastic. _Snarky._  
  
She was looking at him. Had a cat-ate-the-canary grin plastered on her face. "Hellmouth in Hawaii closed a _loooong _time ago. Aggy, he told me that it had been opened. Twice. So," she clapped her hands together, suddenly impassioned, "_I_ think that if the ancient Polynesians could do it, _we_ can certainly seal this Hellmouth up here in Sunnydale. I mean, between our technology and our magick," she waved a hand at Willow and at the laptop she was holding. "And our knowledge and discipline," she swept her hand in Giles' direction. He gave a small, surprised smile. "Our strength," her hands went out to include Buffy and Spike. Xander and Anya walked in just as she was wrapping up her pep talk. "And... whatever it is that they do," she finished. "We can beat this bitch."  
  
Buffy began filling in Xander and Anya on the Hellmouth and Bella's knowledge of it. Spike was still looking at her in amazement. She smiled up at him, proud of the buzz she'd created. She was almost giddy.  
  
_Guess this Daywalker done good, huh?_ she silently asked, seeking his approval.  
  
_Honestly, Sweet, wasn't really thinking about Hellmouths and Don Ho,_ he replied in such a way that she tingled all the way down to her toes.  
  
Giles silently surveyed the implicit conversation between the vampires. Didn't know what they were saying to each other, but he got the feeling that their smiles and glances were about more than the Hellmouth. Ah, love among the ruins, or in this case, the Scoobies... just as long as it didn't keep Bella from doing her job. He looked at the two of them again. Not hearing all the hullabaloo around them. Locked into whatever thoughts they were exchanging. He was almost envious.  
  
"Listen, guys," Bella finally broke in, "I think that Willow and I need to do some digging around with what I do know and what I think I can find. See what we can see, _capisce_?"  
  
"Sounds like a great idea. Spike, you come on patrol with me. Willow and Bella, put your heads together and see what you can find. Anya, Xander... " Buffy paused and looked to Bella.  
  
"Anya, Xander... get with Spike before patrol. Have him make you a list of some of the demon bars around here." She turned to Spike. "Ones where they _won't_ get masticated. We're talking _extremely _Casper," she told him referring to the friendly ghost. "Me and you, we'll hit the harder ones after you and Buffy wrap up patrol."  
  
"Right. Demon bars. And I'll fit in there... how?" Xander asked.  
  
"Inuyasha just love human boys. Eat 'em up," she told him with a wicked smirk. "Just a figure of speech, Harris. They're pretty little dog demons. Flirt with them a little, scratch 'em behind the ear and they'll tell you anything."  
  
"What can I do?" Dawn called down from the loft. Always up there mousing around. Bella felt bad for the girl. Thrown into this mess by proxy. And felt like she had nothing special to offer. Was usually told to worry about her homework.  
  
"_You_," Bella began with a twinkle in her eyes.  
  
"I know... I can go with Giles and do my homework, blah blah blah..."  
  
"You can stay here with me and Willow. Be our little demi-witch. Assist. And learn." She turned to Buffy. "It _is_ Friday night. Can little sis stay up if I promise to help with her homework tomorrow?"  
  
Buffy smiled. She was thankful that Bella was kind enough to include Dawn.  
  
"Don't have any," Dawn called as she climbed down the ladder. "Can I, Buffy? Pleeease?" she begged. Her eyes darted over to Spike. He was watching Bella. And he was kind of smiling. And Dawn decided that she kind of liked that. If Spike liked Bella, she must be cool.  
  
Buffy sighed. "Okay, you can stay here. BUT you are to listen to Bella and Willow. And stay out of their way, okay?"  
  
"Nah, skip that last part. S'cool. I'm cool with her being in my way. Wouldn't have issued the invite if I wasn't," Bella told the worried Slayer. "Go vanquish evil-doers. Spike's got my c-phone number. Check in with me if you get worried about little sis," Bella reassured her.  
  
"And Rupe," she threw to Giles. He looked up at her waiting for her instructions. "Go home and watch some BBC-America or something. Chill out. Take five. You deserve it." He smiled at her thoughtfulness, but they both knew full-well that a Watcher's job was never done.  
  
The Scoobies began to scatter. Spike was at the counter with Anya writing down the names of half dozen demon bars on a slip of cash register tape. Dawn was crowded in between Bella and Willow excitedly chattering away. Giles bid everyone a good night and said that he wasn't going to argue with Bella. BBC-America and a cuppa sounded like a nice break. Buffy watched how easily Dawn took to Bella. The teen was grinning from ear to ear as Bella told her about the evil Hawaiians and the Agathodemon she had affectionately called Aggy. Bella was a natural with the girl.  
  
"Okay, I've got the list. Spike said that as long as we don't bring up his name at this one..." she pointed at the slip of paper. _Fred's House of Hell..._ "we'll be fine." Anya told Xander who was standing, arms crossed, next to Buffy.  
  
Spike walked over to the Slayer while Xander and Anya exchanged cell-phone numbers with Bella. "Penny for your thoughts, Slayer."  
  
She was still watching Dawn, happily sandwiched between the witches. _Why can't I be like that? Why can't I be like that with Dawn?  
_  
"Bella. She's really good with Dawn. She's really good with everyone," Buffy nervously prattled.  
  
Spike looked over at her. She was showing Dawn and Willow a demon search engine that none of them had even known existed.  
  
"Sound a little pinched, Slayer." He told her as he lit a cigarette.  
  
"No, not..." she looked wistfully at the three of them. "Maybe a little," she admitted. "Bella has good people-skills. Not all sucky and bossy like me."  
  
"And the irony is that she's never been around people," Spike told Buffy.  
  
Buffy's brow wrinkled in puzzlement.  
  
"Bella..." Spike wasn't sure what Bella wanted them to know, but he did feel a bit sorry for the Slayer and her insecurity. "She wasn't raised around other people. Mum kept her all locked up. No school. No friends. Too scared of the Big Bad coming to get them both."  
  
"Oh," Buffy nodded, understanding. "She's... she's really good with people, though. Guess she has more of an appreciation for them since she went without for so long."  
  
"Maybe," Spike offered, pinching the spent butt between his fingers before flicking it out the door and onto the sidewalk. "And maybe you've just been the Slayer too long to remember what it's like to just be a girl."  
  
_Maybe._ He went to Bella and she stood up, following him over to the counter. Buffy waited in the doorway, trying not to watch them together, their bodies definately leaning into each other. They were inches apart. She was looking up at him, eyes wide, nodding. Smiling. Ugh! She was sure he'd start making out with her right there. Instead, he said something to her with his eyes. She didn't know what, but she knew it was something just between them. She reached out and put her hand on his sleeve, it rested on his right arm, on the supple leather of the weathered duster Buffy knew too well. It wasn't a quick touch. It lingered as they continued their quiet conversation. Then Bella laughed, a sweet, tinkling laugh that made Willow and Dawn turn and grin, looking like they wished they knew the vampires' secret. Buffy wished she knew, too. He reached up and stroked her cheek, she squeezed his arm and dropped her head, still smiling, still looking up at him with doe eyes. They parted, Bella returning to the round table and answering Dawn's many questions about the Hellmouth in Hawaii and about Don Ho. Spike, joining Buffy at the door, opening it, holding it for her. _Had he always been this chivalrous?_ She'd never noticed before.


	9. Something Like Love

"Awfully quiet tonight, Slayer" he noticed as they made their rounds through the cemetery. Hadn't said a word since they lift the Magick Box.  
  
"Just thinking. Stuff. Hellmouth stuff," she lied. He nodded. Knew she was lying. Didn't press the issue, though.  
  
Dead things were in the air. He could smell them. Lots of unrest. But nothing wanted to rear its ugly head. Very odd. Very. Smells were muddled together as they patrolled the grounds of the unliving in search of the undead. _Slayer has something on her mind._ Wasn't talking, but he could see the wheels were in motion as he looked to her face from the corner of his eyes. _Great Poof, no doubt._ Only thing that she got that wound tight over. Bella had been sent to Sunnydale by Angel. Slayer was probably wondering what they'd meant to one another. If there was something more between the Guardian and her ex-demon-lover.  
  
"Nothing happened," he heard himself say. Damn soul had made him take pity on the Slayer, the girl.  
  
"What? What didn't happen?" she asked with a start as she was pulled from herself.  
  
"'Tween Peaches and the Daywalker. Nothing. Happened."  
  
Buffy continued walking gnawing softly on her bottom lip. She had crawled back into her own thoughts. _Angel. And the Daywalker. Bella. No. Guess nothing could have happened. Could it?  
_  
"Slayer," he stopped and placed a well-meaning hand on her shoulder. "You read like a smutty novel." She looked at him like he was insane.  
  
"Not blind, y'know. Could see the spark light up in your eyes at the mention of his name."  
  
Buffy crossed her arms and shifted her weight to the right, pulling a little away from his resting hand.  
  
"And just how would you know that 'nothing happened'?" she demanded, giving into her curiousity.  
  
"Bella, she's not the kind of girl, Pet. Trust me. Great Poof just got lucky and stumbled upon mention of her from a mate," he told her, trying to set the poor girl's mind at ease. "Besides, think she's got better taste than the doom and gloom kind," he couldn't help but add in spite of the proximity of himself to the Slayer and her stakes.  
  
They started walking again. Buffy'd had no remark after his final assertion. She just stared at him blankly and then turned to continue at her pace. He figured it was best to just walk quietly at her side. Said enough. Bella probably didn't want to whole world, living or demon, to know all of her business.  
  
"You like her a lot," Buffy said, still patrolling. She wasn't asking. She was confident that she was right.  
  
"Bella? Well, what's not to like?" He smirked. He let his machismo kick in a bit. "Hot little bint like that? Could make a dead man come," he quipped, ripping off a Stones song.  
  
Buffy's nose wrinkled with an "Euw."  
  
"Not too long ago you wouldn't have thought that, Love," he smiled. He was right. She'd made him come over and over and had loved every minute of it. Now she wanted to play the prude.  
  
"Know you never loved me. Just a matter of convenience, " he told her.  
  
"Something like that," the Slayer responded through gritted teeth.  
  
"Something, yeah."  
  
She went back into herself again. Looked like there was a lot going on in her Slayer head. _End of the world, Angel, Hellmouth, witches, mind-blowing sex with Spike... Angel. Angel.  
_  
"It just surprised me. That's all."  
  
"That I was that good? Pet, I have been around for quite a few decades -- "  
  
"That's _so_ not what I meant," Buffy felt the heat creep into her neck at the memory. Not love. No. But he was every bit as good as he conceded to be.  
  
"Even after all this time, I still can't help but feel something when I hear his name."  
  
_Angel. Always Angel.  
_  
"He was my first love. You don't forget your first love, do you, Spike?" she asked.  
  
_Cecily Addams._  
  
"No," he told her, "Not old romantics like us, huh, Pet?"  
  
"Nope," she nodded.

* * *

"Thankyou ever so much for the drink, Master," the petite she-hound panted as Xander scratched her gently behind a floppy ear.  
  
"Not a problem. As I was saying, I was writing a research paper about the instances of the... Hellmouth? Is that what it's called?" Xander paused, moving his hand to the Inuyasha's chin. Her tail began wagging briskly.  
  
"Yes, Master. Yes! Yes! The Hellmouth!"  
  
"Yes. Just what there is to know about the..." he searched for a scholarly word. "_Phenomenon_."  
  
Anya gave him an evil stare from across the demon bar. She had him in her view as he handled the dog-demon. Seemed to be getting a little too chummy with the creature, though. She didn't like that one bit. She tried to get closer to them without disturbing the conversation.  
  
"Hellmouth encompasses all evil," the Inuyasha told him. Her voice was dreamy as Xander continued to pet her. "Hellmouth... encompasses the First. The beginning of all evil. End to this earth."  
  
Xander feigned surprise.  
  
"End... how devastating! And there is no way to fight it..."  
  
"Ways, yes. But not without much sacrifice. Not without much loss." Her puppy-dog eyes filled with tears.  
  
Xander looked past the demon, her head still bent as he softly stroked the top of it. Anya was just a few feet away. The jealous glare had been replaced with concern and fear.

* * *

The first thing Buffy noticed was the look of pure glee in Dawn's eyes. The second was the derangement of the Magick Box. Looked like a great wind had come in and thrown the place into a shambles.  
  
"What... what happened in here?" she asked, quietly ushering Spike into the wreckage.  
  
"Maui happened! And he kicked _ass_!" Dawn was bouncing with energy usually acquired in the form of a Slurpee and a couple of chocolate bars Spike would sneak to her.  
  
"Maui? The island?" Anya asked, following behind a wide-eyed Xander. And just who was going to clean up this mess?  
  
"Maui. The hottie in the form of a seven-foot-tall power-god," Dawn told them fervently.  
  
Buffy surveyed the shop. Nothing really broken. More like wind-blown and cluttered. Maui. Hot god. She had a feeling she was just going to love this story.  
  
"Bella _totally _invoked him! Tell her, Bella! Tell her what he said!"  
  
Bella lit a smoke. She was looking mighty calm and collected among the rubble. And was that some sort of priggish pride dancing in her eyes? Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to know. She wasn't sure she wouldn't try to dust Bella right then for possibly endangering Dawn.  
  
"Baby sister is fine," Bella told the disgrunted Slayer. "Got to see what happens when magick is handled responsibly. She's already knee-deep in the muck, Buffy. She needs to worry a little less about Algebra and a little more about anihilation... or there won't be any Algebra to worry about."  
  
Buffy tried to keep her anger in check. She had a hard time listening to reason coming from someone else after all of her years of being the voice of reason. But Giles had told her, if this was going to work, she would have to part with some of her sovereignity of the Scoobies. _Angel sent her_, she told herself.  
  
"Tell me, then."  
  
"Ah, no big really. We were scoping things out on the internet and then I just figured 'screw it.' If you want to know how the mountain came to Mohammad, you have to just ask the mountain, y'know?" Bella put it simply.  
  
"So... you went to the mountain, Pet?" Spike laughed through a cloud of smoke.  
  
"Oh. Not went to the mountain. Mountain... it came _here_," Willow gleamed. She'd been oddly silent since the arrival of the Scoobies and the inquisition that followed.  
  
"Yeah... Maui... he's all wrapped up in wind and wrath and stuff," Bella was being annoyingly cheeky as far as the Slayer was concerned.  
  
"Can you just--" Buffy heard herself yelling and took it down a notch. "Can you just cut to the chase?" She tried to gain some composure as she sat next to Willow at the round table.  
  
Scoobies were all sitting, save for Dawn flitting around in a state of excited agitation and Spike hanging maudlinly in the doorway. Bella had taken perch on the counter next to the cash register.  
  
"Listen, Buff," Bella began, carefully choosing her words. "I know you don't know shit about me... other than I'm chock full of demony goodness... badness..." She cockled her brow, tapping her chin as if she was conflicted. "Goodness. Definately goodness... even though that totally sounds like an oxymoron... I mean, who ever heard of demony goodness, right?"  
  
Buffy stared with a get-on-with-it look.  
  
"Right... boils down to I'd never do anything to endanger Dawn. And I didn't. I went to the source, is all. Hellmouth. Hawaii. Wanted to know how they'd closed it. And how much it cost."  
  
"A lot," Xander murmured.  
  
Bella turned to him, remembering that he and the power-stripped vengeance demon had hit the demon bars for info. And apparently had something.  
  
"What'd you find?" Her look was serious and hopeful.  
  
"After plying the Inuyasha with drinks and belly-rubs, we were able to get just a little info," Anya told them with a mixture of resentment and resignation.  
  
"Big bad. Definately coming. But she said there are 'ways' to stop it. She didn't tell me much else."  
  
"Other than?" Buffy asked Xander, knowing there was more.  
  
"Other than," Xander's voice became constrained. "She said that there would be much sacrifice... and much loss."  
  
She knew that much. Still, it grabbed her tight around the heart every time it was spoken. Sacrifice. Loss. People could die. _She_ could die.  
  
"What did you find out from Maui?" she asked Bella, hoping that the Daywalker would have something a little more favorable.  
  
"Maui said that the only way to close the Hellmouth is with the blood of the First Evil." Buffy caught the meaning behind the implication. In order to seal it, it had to be defeated. Or at least bled to some extent.  
  
"Nobody has been able to defeat it before," Bella told her. "But they've done enough damage to bloodlet the beast enough to send it back to Hell."  
  
"_But_..." Buffy knew that there was always a but.  
  
"_But_... well, you know the buts, Slayer. _But_ there will be a lot of death and destruction. _But_ all of us might not suvive. _But_ we could fail and the world as we know it will end. Always a but," Bella toked on the cigarette. Nearly down to a stub. "_But_, we could also get lucky. We could go in there with a well-planned arsenal. Send the mother fucker back to Hell so that it won't ever want to surface again."  
  
"I like that 'but' the best," Xander nervously smiled.  
  
"God... I _so_ do not want Dawn to be a part of this," Buffy suddenly sighed.  
  
"Buffy," Bella went to her and knelt beside her chair. She looked up at the Slayer with compassion in her eyes. "She already is a part of this. Wouldn't you rather that she was well-prepared instead of kept in the dark? The more she knows..." she trailed off.  
  
Buffy's jaw had set. She knew. She knew already. Didn't mean she had to like it or even agree. But she knew that if she kept trying to keep Dawn out of this, it could be the death of her.  
  
Bella began pacing. Annoying habit of Spike's that Buffy had never liked. Now there were two pacy, snarky undeads. Spike was still in the doorway. Had anyone even invited him in? Not that he should need it anymore. He was told that this was a public place and that he had an open invite. Sometime she thought he did things just to be a pain in the ass.  
  
"You gonna stand there all creepy-like all night?" she heard herself ask him.  
  
Bella stopped and looked at him standing there. He was all wrapped up in his own thoughts. Never failed. Slayer comes around and he got all weird and all of the warmth she had seen in his eyes just disappeared. _Must have something to do with their history beyond the old me-slayer, you-vampire thing. Too much tension between them,_ Bella sensed. Like there was more to their story. But she also got that this story had been ended for awhile.  
  
"Quit looking all evil-dead and get in here," Bella sighed. "You're scaring the children."  
  
Bella glared at him for a second and shook her head. She searched her pockets for a pack of smokes. Just three left. He'd been helping her kill them off rather quickly. She lit up and smoked and paced, paced and smoked. Spike sat on the counter next to the register. Nobody said a word.  
  
"Okay. Listen, this is... this is really getting under my skin. If any of this is going to work, all this bullshit between you guys and _him_," she pointed at Spike, "it's got to stop. I don't know what the Hell went on before I got here, but every time he's around any of you, he shuts off. Gets all weird... weirder than usual. And I'm not liking it. I'm feeling a very not-like-y vibe here, you get?"  
  
Buffy did not want to do this. Not now. Not ever. And she could see that Spike was loving it. Someone on his side for a change. _For a change_. She heard the words in her head and felt the pang of guilt that immediately followed.  
  
Xander was mumbling something to Anya. Bella could hear the hushed words and could see the sarcastic sneer he was wearing. She snapped his chair away from the table and was in his face in a flash.  
  
"Okay. Guess _some_ people need it spelled out for them," she was clearly pissed. And Xander was scared. Why wasn't Buffy getting Bella off of him?  
  
"Let me put this in terms a four year-old could comprehend," she took a drag on her cigarette and breathed out a culpable stream of smoke in the trembling boy's face. "_He's_ not the enemy. _I'm_ not the enemy. You keep causing dissension among the troops with your smart-ass comments and your whole he's-a-vampire-so-he's-beneath-me attitude and you're gonna make me think that _you're_ the enemy. And then I'll have to end you, won't I?"  
  
Buffy sat, arms crossed. She could feel all eyes on her. She knew what they were all thinking. Why was she letting Bella do this? Why wasn't she taking up for Xander? Why was she letting this creature defend something as unforgiving and dubious as Spike? Why did she sit and not question everything Bella said and did? Why, _indeed._  
  
She stood and walked over to Bella who was still crouched angrily above Xander. She put a hand on Bella's back and asked her to please take a seat. She knew that Bella could have been a bitch about it, but she wasn't. She went to the counter and hitched herself up next to Spike.  
  
Xander was still shaking as he moved his chair back to the table and next to Anya. _Giles wouldn't have put up with that shit_, he thought. Then again, he hadn't thought that Buffy would either. But she hadn't stopped Bella from getting right up in his kisser just moments ago. He wasn't sure what was going on. Was this what Bella was talking about? The First fucking with him?  
  
Willow and Dawn were still busying themselves with the laptop, trying not to get sucked into argument around them.  
  
"I have something I need to say. And I need for you all to listen, and not just listen but hear me and understand me," Buffy took a ragged breath and rubbed her head. Her mind was so full. Too much stuff going on that they didn't get.  
  
"I can't keep doing this by myself. And I think Angel knew that. I haven't said a whole lot about the way Bella does things, because I know that Angel would never send anyone to me who didn't have my best interests at heart. Angel... I called him last night," she admitted. "I needed to hear it from him that this was... that Bella was the One," Buffy couldn't help but tremble just the slightest bit when she said his name. _Angel._ Angel who had loved her. Angel who had vamped out after they consummated their love. Angel who left because he knew it was the best thing he could do for his Slayer. Angel who was always finding ways to take care of her, even now.  
  
She looked over at Bella and Spike. And she saw them. Really saw them for the first time. They were vampires. They were the Big Bad that she had been fighting for seven years. Yet, they weren't. She thought about how much they had all changed. She thought about Willow. Willow. She hated to bring it up, but she needed to make a point.

"Will," she looked to her friend. She could still see Willow Rosenberg, all purple overalls and orange hats the first day she came to Sunnydale. Sweet, gentle, unassuming Willow. And in a split second, she could also see Willow the Witch. Black hair, demon eyes, veins everywhere.

"Will, I'm not bringing this up to hurt you... but you aren't who you were when we first met. And you aren't who you were when you witched out on us either."  
  
Willow reddened. No, she wasn't that person. She wasn't that Big Bad she had been just after Tara died. She was actually afraid to use even the simplest magick. She'd become someone she hadn't even known. Someone none of them had recognized. Someone that they had even been forced to hunt.  
  
Willow nodded. She understood.  
  
"Chip... soul..." she sighed. Bella had given this speech already. Why couldn't they just have listened to her. She straightened up and felt anger rising.  
  
"Fuck this. Bella said it the other day. She already explained it to you. And because she's not the Slayer, because she's something different, you can't believe her? Fuck you. Fuck ALL of you," she was shaking, eyes glistening with unshed tears of disbelief. "How DARE you second-guess me. I've never put myself before any of you. I've protected all of you. Loved you," she looked to Willow, sadly, and then to Xander and Anya. "Trusted you when maybe I shouldn't have," she told them, remembering how they had ripped her from heaven. "And when I came back, I thought I'd come back all wrong. And the only one who made me feel right was Spike." She heard a couple of gasps. A murmer or two.  
  
"Yeah," she felt empowered now. "Spike. He was the only one I could go to. The only one I could trust. The only one who made me feel anything." He looked stunned at her admission. And Buffy noticed that Bella looked a little taken aback, but not as surprised as she might have been. Had he already told her? Or was it that demon-sense of hers that had already clued her in?  
  
"This is the end of the world, boys and girls. Big Bad is ready to take it all away from us. Ready to crush us like tiny, little, insignificant bugs. And when it comes for us, it isn't going to be picky about who it kills first... Spike, Xander, Willow, Bella... me. We're all equally useless to the First. None of us have anything to offer it."  
  
They were all silent. Nobody wanted to be the first to speak. Buffy was upset, irritated. Fed up.  
  
"I'm with Bella. This doesn't happen any more. And that goes for me, too." She turned to Spike. He was still sitting in a state of surprise. She noticed that he'd leaned back a bit so that his arm was kind of around Bella. She discerned this as a protective posture. She'd once been a ward of his physical ballast herself. "Spike... I am... sorry. For the way I've treated you. For the way I've acted like you were.... were..." she searched for the word. "Like you were..."  
  
"_Beneath you_," Bella whispered, knowing exactly how Spike felt. She rested a hand on his jean-clad knee.  
  
"Beneath me," Buffy finished, trying to ignore the catch in her throat at the sight of Bella's closeness with Spike. "I'm the one... we're the ones who are beneath you. We think we know it all. We're human and we're alive and we have souls and we have this great purpose, or so we think..."  
  
"I don't," Dawn said quietly.  
  
"Don't what, Niblet?" Spike asked her softly.  
  
"I don't think you're beneath me. I've never thought you were beneath me. I don't have the right to think that about anyone... I mean, I'm human... _now_," she said in such a voice that inferred she was afraid that if she thought about what else she was, she'd be beneath them, too.  
  
"Niblet, no. You've been a gem. Always have. Always there with your hugs and smiles. And chocolate," Spike teased. "Shared chocolate is definately the glue that binds a true friendship, Bit." He felt Bella affectionately squeeze his knee when he said that. Could even feel her smile radiating as she looked at him with something... something like love.  
  
"We keep wasting all this time warring within our circle. We're giving the First what it wants. No more," she told them. She looked to Bella and Spike. "No more _them_ and _us_," she said referring to Spike and Bella and the rest of the Scoobies. "No. It's them and us. And by us, I mean us. All of us. Slayer, Vampires, Witches, Key, Vengeance Demon, Watcher... and Xander."


	10. Vampires in Love

Two nights had passed since the visit from Maui and thoughts of Bella had begun to consume him. Ever since their slumber party of sorts. _Don't need to fall in love again_, he thought. _Not now. Not ever. Definately not with her._ And he was pretty sure she didn't want him falling in love with her anyhow. Had said as much. Didn't need love sodding up her mission. But who the Hell was he kidding? He already reeked of it... love's bitch. Always love's bitch. And willingly.

He sloshed back a bit of whiskey. That's what they'd been drinking that night. The Scoobies weren't big on having them poncing off, but Buffy told them to let him be. Things had gotten pretty emotional in the days since he'd staked Dru. Half-thought Buffy wanted to push him off on Bella. Keep him preoccupied and away from her. No matter what she said when she'd come to him. That didn't even get under his skin the way that it had. It was Bella who had invaded his whole existence with soft lips, probing tongue... innocense and sweetness wrapped up in a great warrior. The love he had felt for the Slayer was quickly dissipating. Being replaced by pity of her plight.

She'll never love you. Nobody wiill ever love you. Hated that damned soul sometimes. Communicated too much with his subconscious. Harrassed him all the time. Good and bad. _Daywalker could love me. Knows what it's like to be alone. Knows what it's like to be me, _he thought. _No, she can't. Too busy fighting Big Bad to care about you. Just a distraction._ Fucking bloody shut up!! Stupid soul! Stupid subconscious! Stupid vampire!

She'd called him _strigiou _when she'd first met him. Like calling a human white trash. But wasn't that what he was? White trash? He stole, took over places nobody else wanted. Loved the ones who believed they were truly unlovable. First Dru. Then Buffy. Now, Bella? NO. Must stop. Hurts too much with a soul.

He must have fallen asleep arguing with his subconscious. Or with his soul. She woke him up with a sharp jab to the ribs.

"Bloody Hell, Woman! What was that for?" he yelled as he bolted up.

She'd already sussed out the place. Empty bottle of booze. Candy bar wrappers on the ground. Stench of nicotine, cheap liquor and afterlife.

"You gonna feel sorry for yourself and drink all night? Or are you going to get your bony white ass out there and help us fight the good fight?"

And he thought that Buffy was a bitch.

"I heard that."

Got to be more careful. Conceal those thoughts better.

He stood up, naked. Buffy would have had the decency to blush, look away. Bella looked him over, sized him up. Licked her lips.

"That's all well and good. I don't care if you get dressed or not. Just get moving, _Vampire_."

She would revert back to calling him Vampire usually when others were around. Like calling him by his name would show some sort of chink in her armour. As soft and emotional as she had been with him before, she seemed to feel it neccessary to be even more of a hard-ass when it was time to work.

He took his sweet time pulling on his jeans and a t-shirt. She was tapping her foot as he slowly pulled on his boots.

"Trust me, Spike... I can speed things up, but I don't think you'll like it." Ah, a threat. Was starting to like those when they came from her. Got to see her go all hot with fiery passion. Liked that he could do that to her. Someone had to piss her off. And not the way Harris did with his inane questions and barmy comments. Looked like she wanted to turn him into a toad when he'd start with all that.

"So, what's on the menu tonight, Pet? Obviously not you," he commented snarkily as he reached behind him to a shelf to grab a half-smoked cigarette from the night before. She sent a small bolt and knocked it out of his reach.

"Nobody likes a smart-ass vampire," she warned.

He ran a hand through his hair and smiled at her. Of course, not. Nobody likes a smart-ass period. No matter how beautiful she is.

He stood up and took his duster from the slab he called a bed and tossed it on. Stuffed his hand in the right pocket to retrieve a pack of cigarettes. One, two... two left. Would have to pick off a pack while they were on patrol.

"No you won't. I've got enough to share," she told him. "If you're nice."

"Dammit! Stop doing that! Let me clear the fog from my mind before you start fucking with it, Bella!"

She let out a chortle at that remark. It was actually kind of fun getting under Spike's skin. She'd never really had a playmate. And he was so much her very own playmate.

"Oh, let's just go before they all come looking for us," she told him as she handed him a lit cigarette.

He closed the crypt door tight and reached for her hand. Took a long toke off the cig and squeezed her hand lightly before releasing it.

"Thanks for the gasper, Love."

* * *

Patrolling with Bella was ten times more exhilarating than patrolling with the Slayer. And he did love patrolling with Buffy. But with Bella, it was different. He felt somewhat of a kindred spirit with her. She understood things that Buffy couldn't. While Buffy's fighting style was raw and ruthless, it was also learned. Bella was born to fight. She was fluid, graceful and passionate. It came as easy to her as... breathing. As breathing did at one time.

"You don't, do you?" Spike suddenly asked her.

"I don't what?" She asked in response, eyes darting furtively... ready for anything.

"Breathe. You don't... breathe."

She stopped dead in her tracks.

"I don't have to. No. Just like you. Dead." She resumed her pace. He quickly fell into step.

"Still do," he offered.

"Do what?" Her mind was fixed on the hunt, not quite following what he was chattering about.

"Breathe. Can't help it. Makes me feel a little less of what I am and a little more of what I was," he shuffled his feet a bit before adding "Plus, I find the humans appreciate it."

She stopped and watched him for a moment. He looked pretty. All breathing and almost human. Wanted to kiss him right then. If only to shut him up. Not a good idea, though. Had to be professional. Keep watch. Stick with the task at hand.

"We need to concentrate. Big Bad. Somewhere out here." She told him, slight flush creeping into her cheeks.

He smirked and continued walking. Wonder what _that_ was about, he thought.

It was amazing how young she was. Yet how old. He imagined that she'd been born old. She had told him, while they were trading shots of sour mash during their make-shift slumber party, that she was never a child. He'd laughed. Made some comment about it being Hell on her mother if she'd come out at 5'1" and a buck-o-three of sinewy muscle. She said that she always felt like the little adult. Mamma had become very serious. Scared. Scared that Artemius or the dark powers would find her and make her pay for how she'd manipulated nature. She told him that now, she felt that she had to prove her worth to everyone -- the Grigori, the Watcher's Council, witches, vampires, humans... him. She still had a soul. She'd managed to keep her soul when she died. The Grigori told her that they thought that it was her mother's doing. But she told herself that it was a gift from TPTB for enduring all that she had in her short life. She hadn't asked to be conceived or born. She had even thought of just ending her life not too long after her father had turned her. But her mother had come to her in a dream. She told her to stop dwelling on her death and get on with her _life_. Irony at its purest. And he had told her the same thing. _Live, Bella._

He walked quietly by her side, deep in his own thought. _Can I keep you? _That's what she'd asked him. They hadn't discussed that night, him holding her, kissing her, sleeping with her in his arms. Always other people around. Nosy Parkers. They'd want to know everything. And then they'd try to take her away from him. Why should the dead be happy if the living can't, right? _You can keep me. I'm yours. For always, Pet. _She looked at him and smiled.

"You worry too much," she told him. "Free will. Ever heard of it? They can't take that -- "

She didn't get to finish. She whipped around just as a fledgling jumped out from behind a large bush. She had a stake in his stony heart before he'd even touched her. That just amazed him about her. She was so swift and smooth. Fought like she was made of mercury. All liquidy and quicksilver.

"How 'bout I take you out an' get you drunk when we're done?" he was hopeful. Wasn't the most romantic way of asking her out, he knew that. It was at times like these that he felt more like William the Bloody, writer of bad poetry, than like Spike, Scourge of Europe. And he could thank Dru and the Slayer for that lack of self-esteem. All that I-want-you-but-I'm-too-wrapped-up-in-myself-to-love-you bullshit had poisoned his brain.

"Hey, man... if there's something I'm always up for, it's a shot and a beer," she smiled. And it was a genuine smile.

* * *

They spotted Buffy and Willow at just about the same time Buffy and Willow spotted them. What was that? A bit of worry? Maybe even jealousy on the Slayer's face?

"Hey," Buffy greeted them. "Been as slow for you guys as it has for us?"

Spike went into sulk mode. He always did that around Buffy and her friends. He immediately felt judged, not good enough to be in their presence and he would either put on a cocky attitude to cover up or just hang back out of their way. Didn't matter how many times the conversation had turned to his defense. He didn't believe any of what they'd said.

"So, uh, I was wondering if you could maybe come by and we could talk shop... magick... after patrol?" Willow nervously asked Bella, more than anxious to be allowed to practice magick again.

And there went his night with her at the Bronze. Why hang out with him when she could be teaching the witch or fitting in with the Scoobies or --

"Oh, Willow... I already have plans. With Spike. But we'll get together tomorrow afternoon at the Magick Shop. Definately. Bring Dawn along." Bella told her. _If it's cool_, she silently asked the Slayer. Buffy nodded, giving her consent.

"Sure. Yeah. Tomorrow is... good," Willow agreed looking from Bella to Buffy to Spike, confused smile troubling her face.

They all walked together through the cemetery and back out to Maple Street. Buffy looked like she wanted to say something, but suffered the uncomfortable silence. Bella sensed that something was on her mind.

"So, uh... plans. With. Spike? What are you two up to tonight?" Her voice seemed small, almost distant, when she finally spoke.

"Nothing you'd be interested in, Slayer," Spike said defensively. He had no desire to share Bella with anyone.

"Just shooting pool and whiskey at the Bronze. You two in?" Bella offered.

"I could... I could go to the Bronze for awhile. I don't know about whiskey..." Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Or pool," added Willow.

"Yeah. Pool. Not good at that. But, yeah. Some dancing."

"And people-watching. Always fun," piped in Willow again.

They continued to walk in an uncomfortable silence. Bella tried to tap into Spike's thoughts, but he was guarding them. She felt him, though. And he was clearly upset. What is it about the Slayer and her friend had gotten him so upset?

Bella knew what it felt like to be an outcast. But the Scoobies hadn't treated her as such. Even after they found out she was a Daywalker. And a witch. So, why was he still acting like he thought he was beneath them? After all that was said, she just didn't get it. And she wouldn't have it.

Spike left them behind as soon as they entered the Bronze. Disappeared into the crowd the second they walked in the door.

"Let's go dance, Bella" Willow suggested. Buffy nodded in agreeance.

"Uh, maybe in a few. First, I'm gonna suck down a few fingers of hooch with my boy." Bella told them. She stifled a smile as their jaws dropped.

In an instant she had sidled up to Spike at the bar. He was working his jaw, looking irritated.

"You do this often?" she asked, watching him kick back a double shot of whiskey.

"Come again?" he asked, confused. What? Go to the Bronze? Drink? Be ignored?

"Juke a girl after you ask her to come with you for a drink." She tapped the bar and made eye contact with the bartender. He brought her a glass. And a full bottle of Jack Daniels.

She poured a hefty amount for herself and then replenished the glass Spike had set back on the bar. She lifted her glass to him.

"What are we toasting?" he asked, still not sure why she was hanging out with him when she could be out dancing with the Slayer and the Wanna-Be Witch. He was softening. She could feel it.

"We, my friend, are toasting the night. And we're toasting... us. Our friendship. Our... unholy alliance." She winked.

He held his glass up to hers and tapped it. He could toast that.

"L'acqua è economica, puramente e bene; ma assottiglia il sangue."

He laughed at her toast... water is cheap, pure and good... but it thins the blood. She had an odd sense of humor at times. Maybe that's what he liked about her most. No, not the most. But he certainly appreciated her canny wit.

She clicked his glass again and downed the brown liquor at once. She lifted the bottle with questioning eyes, seeking his approval, before refilling their glasses.

She could feel Buffy and Willow watching them from the dance floor. Nosy thing, that Slayer. She just didn't get why Spike would change the second anyone else came around. They'd had a great time on patrol. Cracking jokes. Talking music. She could see him crawling back into himself.

"Aren't you going to go dance with them?" he asked her, trying to sound unaffected by Buffy and Willow tagging along.

"Nah. Don't want to dance. At least not with them." She told him, taking a long swig off the Jack Daniels bottle. Who needed a glass when she had the whole thing in her hands, right? He'd already learned that she didn't give two fucks about formality.

She peered up at him from the corner of her eyes and gauged his reaction. He was trying to play it close to the cuff. But in the short time she'd known Spike, she knew that he was pretty much transparent. Just had to know how to look. Wasn't a whole lot of guesswork when it came to what he was feeling. And she knew that he cared about her, maybe even more than he'd admit to himself.

"What is it you want with me, Daywalker?" he asked with a suspicious sigh.

"Good question. What is it that I want with a moody, self-loathing vampire with a soul?" she returned, head down but eyes finding him and keeping him there.

She replenished his glass and as Buffy and Willow approached them. "Ah, great timing ladies. Babysit my booze while Blondie and I have a turn on the dance floor," she told them before turning to Spike and winking, "I believe they're playing our song, _Pet_."

Into the valleys  
The shadow of death  
Griefs silently across the darkened sea  
This is it  
We stand alone

She dragged an unprotesting Spike away from Buffy and Willow, both with mouths dropped again. When they reached the dance floor, she reached up and put her small hands on his chest, he put his on her tiny waist. Little Bit, she was, he thought. All power and energy wrapped in a petite package. That was one of the things that threw off Big Bad. Something so small shouldn't have the strength to fight off demons and vampires the way that she did. She made it look as easy as running a hot knife through a stick of butter.

Spike leaned down close to her ear and whispered.

"You know, they're gon' think you're round the twist if you keep putting on with the likes of me."

"Do you always worry so much what _they're_ thinking?" She tipped her head up and kissed him softly of the lips. "Fuck 'em. You asked _me_ to the Bronze. You ployed me with drinking and dancing. And I intend to collect on both parts," her voice teasing him.

He wasn't much for the dancing. Kind of just stood there, bobbing in time to the music. Something he'd seen on cable... on MTv or something. Some young rapper talking about how to look cool even if dancing wasn't your thing. Nope. Not big on dancing. But he sure liked watching Bella's hips and ass move to the music. She reached for his hand as the song ended and led him back up to the bar.

Buffy and Willow had been watching them the whole time. Bella wasn't really interested in what they thought about her connection with Spike, though. Slayer needs to loosen up, live a little is what she really thought. _If my dead ass has to live, Slayer needs to do it, too. _Get a few stitches of brown in her... even when she and Willow were dancing, she looked too aware of herself. Bella couldn't help but feel a little pity for her. Young girl like that. Weight of the world thrown at her just as she entered high school. No wonder she was such a serious thing. Reminded her a little of Mamma in all her darkness.

"So, whaddya say, Girls? Pour you a drink?" she offered as she took the bottle from the bar.

"Oh, no. A world of no. That's okay. Not much of a drinker," Buffy tried to use as an excuse. Bella wasn't buying.

"Oh, I don't think so, Slayer. Stop being so serious. Here, tell ya what," Bella signaled to the bartender. "These ladies need a couple of fruity girl drinks... something with an umbrella, topped with a cherry or something equally decorative yet semi-nutritious."

Willow wasn't protesting. Hmm... maybe the Wanna-Be Witch had a sense of adventure after all. Buffy started to open her mouth with another mitigation and then closed it just as quickly.

"You know what? You're right. I could definately use a... fruity-girl-drink." She gave Bella a defeated smile and obligingly took the Pina Colada that was handed to her. Willow took the Mango Margarita.

Bella slipped another shot of whiskey into Spike's empty glass and raised the bottle.

"There's my girls," she smiled. "Here's to kicking evil demon ass and to not forgetting to live our lives when we're done doing it!"

"Oh, I can _definately_ drink to that!" Buffy agreed. They all clinked glasses. Willow couldn't help but giggle as she watched Spike and Bella nearly simultaneously knock back hefty swigs of whiskey.

"Looks like Spike's met his match," she said as she sipped at her drink. He shot her a stifling glare causing her to quickly change the subject. "And mmm! Definately fruity! Yum!" She said holding up her glass and then sucking down a huge swatch from it.

Buffy nodded. Definately yum. She often forgot what it was like to just be a girl. She was the Slayer. She was the older sister, the mother figure, the friend, the advisor, the killer of all things evil. But it wasn't very often that she was just the girl. She looked at Bella. _Really _looked at Bella. She's nice, she thought. And she's fast. She's strong. She's honest. And very perceptive. Smart. She's more beautiful than anyone Buffy had ever seen. She had such confidence and grace. And she's a vampire. A vampire. Just like him. No. Not like him. Like... him?

She kept sipping her drink, watching how easily Bella spoke to Spike. He was different with her. Wasn't all bleeding-heartish. And it didn't seem to matter to him that anyone else was there. Not like it usually did. He didn't act like a big jerk when Bella was around. _I can't be jealous,_ she thought. How could she be jealous? She'd cast him away. Had practically forced him on Bella. And now, _now_... she found herself wishing that she could be touching his arm the way that Bella was. Laughing at his stupid jokes the way Bella was. Falling for his charm... the way Bella was. But she was the Slayer. And he was a Vampire. And that would never change, she sadly thought.

Willow was chattering on about how she thought she saw Xander and Anya come in and she thought that she should go say hi and invite them over to have a drink. "You know Xander. He'd love a fruity girl drink... and Anya, well, she'll probably get a kick out of the Barbie-sized umbrella! Either that or she'll be afraid of it... like bunnies."

"Yeah, tell 'em to come on over! We'll hook them up and get them faced, too!" Bella laughed. She turned to Buffy and winked. "It's all good, Slayer. Be a girl for a few hours. Might find you actually like it." Buffy's hand slid from her sleeve. Bella was right.

"Yeah. I might," she said weakly. "I'm, uh, gonna hit the Ladies'. Order me another one of these when you get a chance?" She held up her empty glass. "Yummy. Definately yummy."

Bella was pleased with herself. Poor thing needed to be less serious. Even if it was for only a few hours.

"You know," Spike said, interrupting her thoughts and her Cheshire Cat smile, "Nobody else could get the Slayer to loosen up like that. What'd you do, Pet? Giver 'er the eye?"

"Got you to loosen up. Didn't give you the eye," she said with a slight slur. Whiskey was kicking in. Felt good. Made her feel warm and toasty all over. Put a little heat in her cheeks. She was leaning up against the bar watching Spike pour another drink for himself and then one for her.

"My turn to make a toast," he told her. She took her glass and held it up.

"G'head" she told him.

"Bella... I think that it would be an absolute shame if I didn't toast your beauty tonight, Lamb." He was all good looks, pretty words and pure animal heat.

And, oh, he _was_ charming. And she _could_ fall. Fall hard, too. _Shit._ They clinked glasses and downed their drinks. In a moment, she had her arms around his neck and was whispering to him.

"Y'know, I really don't give a rat's knuckle what they all think," she slid her tongue into his ear making him shudder. He wrapped his arms around her, one on her waist, the other possessively cupping her ass, and half carried her toward the dance floor.

"Yeah, they're right over th--" Willow turned to show Xander and Anya where Spike and Bella were. They were no longer at the bar. Buffy was collecting two more of the fruity-girl-drinks. She threw them a smile as she crossed the room

"Hey, Guys. What's up?" Buffy asked with a little too much perkiness upon her return from the potty. She passed the Mango Margarita to Willow and began sucking down her own drink.

The raucous burst of electric guitar filled the air as the band brought the stage to life. Anya was already shimmying and babbling. She was impetuous enough without umbrella-draped drinks.

"Oh, I loooove this song!" Anya said, grabbing a reluctant Xander and pulling him and his two left feet toward the dance floor of the Bronze. Buffy and Willow, a bit giddy from their fruity-girl-drinks, followed closely, dance-walking to the intro of the song.

"It's from that movie with that guy and everywhere he'd go he'd hear this song and Matt Damon was the singer and--" Anya was yelling over the music.

"Holy. Shit." Xander drew full attention to where Bella and Spike were. On stage with the band. Spike had filchered a microphone, as they had seen him do from time to time to feed his endless ego. But Bella was standing at his left side, his arm drawing her close to him as she danced, hands over her head. Her belly ring sparkled as her black tank-top lifted up a bit. She was wearing a tiny Catholic School-girl kilt. And she was smiling and grinding her body as Spike started singing a familiar tune with his own spin on the words, like he often did.

_"Scotty doesn't know that Bellona and me do it in my van every Sunday..."_

Xander couldn't help but fight a major chubby as Bella almost purred with satisfaction.

"Aren't those two a pair, huh?" Anya grinned, a bit of longing in her voice. _At least they know how to have fun. All work and no play has made the Scoobies suck! Suck! Suck!_

"And she's a dirty girl," Xander absentmindedly added, earning him a swift kick to the shins from his girlfriend.

Buffy was shocked, to say the least. Bella easily moved in Spike's loose grip on her. She was dancing provocatively and only had eyes for the platinum-haired vamp.

_"Bellona says she's out shopping... but she's under me and I'm not stopping."_

The whole crowd had been worked into a contagious frenzy, shouting _"Scotty Doesn't Know! Scotty Doesn't Know,"_ but in a momentary bout with paranoia, Buffy could swear they had thrown in a couple "Buffy Doesn't Knows" as well. She knew better, but her own insecurities had begun to rise. They _were_ beautiful, so beautiful. Just like when they had hovered in the doorway of the Magick Shop.

Spike pulled the tiny Guardian up his side, one arm around her waist, her arms around his shoulders, legs kicked back off the ground in a cheerleader's crescent, and planted one on her for everyone to see. Not the way he'd kissed Buffy. Not the way she'd seen him kiss Dru. Different. With such passion and purity that told her he had found his one true love and it was no longer her. It was Bella Grimaldi. She couldn't blame either of them. She'd pushed him away, treated him like a dog and let her friends do the same thing. Bella never once talked down to him. She listened to him as she would any other man or woman. Oh, Buffy had seen her tear into him, challenge him. But she regarded him as an equal even though everyone else thought that he was beneath her, too. Bella didn't seem to think so. She was absolutely glowing at his side.

"Wow... that... um... hot." Willow was at a loss for words and put her mouth to work on her drink. Yeah. They had left everyone breathless.

They jumped down from the stage and tried to lose themselves in the crowd as the band started up another song.

There's a place off Ocean Avenue  
Where I used to sit and talk with you...

Dancing. With Bella. Made his head spin. Made his heart feel alive. Made him feel like... a real, live boy. That's what she'd called him, wasn't it?

Sleepin' all day

Stayin' up all night

Stayin' up all

Night...

"For someone who's supposed to be all witchy-smart and wise, Bella sure fell for Spike's poor-me-I'm-so-tortured-that-I'm-hot act pretty fast," Xander commented.

Buffy felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Why was she so pissed about a comment she might have made herself at one time?

"That's really not fair, Xander." She wasn't sure who she was defending. Spike? Bella? Or herself?

"What? He's all so in love with you that he goes out and gets himself a soul and then he can't take his hands off of Witchy-Pooh. And you think that his thoughts are pure? That he isn't up to something?" Xander accused.

"That's enough, Xander," Buffy warned. _They can hear you,_ she warned him with her eyes. _They can always hear you._

"No, Buffy. It's not. Dead-Boy doesn't know what love is. And now he's gonna get our Great Italian Hope distracted and get us all killed and -- " he didn't get the chance to finish. His lips were sealed. Literally. He couldn't open his mouth even if he'd wanted to.

"I told you they could hear you."

Xander's eyes were angry as he continued to make undistinguishable sounds through his shut-tight mouth.

"She was thrown into this whole mess because we needed her. She fights and she tries to be everything to everyone... so she turns to mush with Spike and now she's not worthy? Are you so self-absorbed that you think that everything about her has to be dead?"

Xander, Anya and Willow looked at her, the Slayer's lips slightly trembling from anger. No. It wasn't Bella she was defending. Wasn't even Spike.

Bella and Spike had made their way over to the Scoobies. She took the spell off of Xander. She could already feel Spike bristling next to her. Closed himself off to everyone already. Just a few moments ago, he'd been himself. His _real_ self. Now, he was back to barbs and jabs and all that defended him from these kids who wanted to hurt him. Who didn't understand that just because he was dead didn't mean he didn't feel.

Buffy stood steely-eyed, but inside she was grappling with understanding and confusion. She understood how Spike and Bella could be drawn together so quickly. She could understand why she'd pushed him away. She couldn't understand the underlying pangs of jealousy she was experiencing. She didn't love him. She couldn't. But the jealousy was still bubbling just below the surface.

It's okay to feel that way, Buffy. She heard Bella in her head and looked into the Daywalker's eyes. _He knows you don't love him. Just be a girl tonight, Buffy. And don't beat yourself up over anything else. We're all just starting to learn about this whole living thing, right?_

Buffy knew that Bella was right. And really, if she and Spike had something what business was it of Xander or anyone else?

"Hey, guys, the night is still young," Bella told them, breaking away from the whole maudlin feeling that had tried to impose on their good time.

Willow agreed. "Yeah, all this uptightiness isn't good. Dancing. Good. Fruity-Girl-Drink," she held up her now-empty glass. "_Very_ good. Barbie-umbrella," she handed it to Anya. "The epitome of goodness?"

Anya smiled, twirled it in her fingers. Barbie-umbrella. Fruity-girl-drinks. Vampires in love. All was right with the world. At least in her book.

"I vote for vampires in love!" she blurted out with glee. They all looked at her like she'd just been possessed.

"Barbie-umbrella..." she mumbled as an excuse before pulling a brooding Xander toward the bar. "Got to get one of those things that Willow's drinking," they heard her tell him as they departed.

Buffy laughed softly. Spike seemed to relax a bit after Xander and Anya went over to the bar. He watched the two of them, wondering what the retired vengenace demon could actually see in someone as useless as the boy.

"Start thinking like that and you're just as bad," Bella scolded him.

She was right. No bother to wonder about _that_ ponce when he had a girl who could love him holding fast to his side. The Slayer and her friend were fidgety, looking a bit uncomfortable in the wake of things.

"I think I need another one of these," Willow said, absent-mindedly smacking Spike's arm. "Come with me to get a frosty glass of alcoholic indulgence?" she asked him. In other words, let the Slayer and the Daywalker have a moment. He nodded in understanding, leaned down to kiss Bella on her forehead and promised to be back in a jif toting another round of brown.

"Sit?" Buffy asked. She and Bella sat at the high-top across from each other.

"Listen, Buffy," Bella began. "You don't--"

"No, wait. I want to apologize. To you. To Spike. For my friends. For myself. What you choose to do with your personal life is totally your business. Not ours."

"You don't have to apologize. It's all good. I can't expect them to understand when they have no idea what we're really like." By we, she meant her and Spike. She meant Vampires.

"Spike's the first friend I've ever had," she admitted. "And I don't want to lose him. He understands how I feel. Not just how I feel as a... a creature. But as a person. He knows what it's like to be sheltered from everyone, everything. He understands what it's like to be known by only the words that define you... vampire, witch... but not by the words you feel you are... man, woman, Spike, Bella. He makes me feel more alive than I did when I really was. I don't expect anyone else to understand that. And I don't need them to understand that. It isn't their place."

But Buffy did understand all too well. She'd come back from the grave, dead to everything. Not right. Not the same. And he had made _her_ feel. He was the only one who could make her feel for a very long time. In exchange for his unconditional love and his understanding of her, she'd persecuted him. She... was beneath _him._

"You know, Buffy. He does understand," Bella told her, reading her thoughts. "I know you don't think he does. But he ached to have you see that he understood why you came to him. He knew you'd never love him. He was just grateful that you made him feel like a man again, even if it was just in private. Just for a little while." Bella put her hand over Buffy's. She hurt for the girl. Wished that she could magickly whisk away the life she had been given. But Bella knew that TPTB had their reasons for everything. Like she had told Spike, everything happens for a reason. She was supposed to be with him. She was supposed to come to Sunnydale and they were supposed to meet and overcome this huge, evil obstacle together. She never questioned TPTB. Not even when they let Artemius kill her mother. 

"If he hadn't fallen in love with you, he would have never known love; real, pure love." She was referring to Dawn. "Your sister, she adores him. She isn't afraid to fling herself at him no matter who's around. She isn't afraid to be his friend and to love him openly. She doesn't expect anything in return from him that he can't offer." She pulled a cigarette from her crumpled pack. _Have to start buying my Cowboy Killers in a box_, she thought. She took a deep drag on the smoke and let it out in a steady stream. "Children... children see things that we can't always see through our jaded eyes. We're too busy being responsible; trying to save the world. We forget what it's like to just worry about that cute boy in the desk beside us in English class. Or how we'll do on the next Algebra exam. Or what color shoes to wear to the prom."

"I never went to prom," Buffy offered sadly. Not really, at least.

"I never went to school," Bella told her in consolation. They both laughed at their plights. Daywalker. Slayer. Bonding over booze. She could get used to having friends.

"I'm so glad Bella convinced us to try the frou-frou yummies," Willow smiled, alcohol beginning to affect her head and her speech.

Spike was still brooding, watching the Slayer and the Daywalker, trying not to intrude on their private conversation. Curiosity was killing him, but he needed Bella to know she could fully trust him so he tuned them out. Unfortunately, that meant having to listen to Red prattle on about the benefits of frozen cocktail concoctions to his drink of choice, whiskey neat.

"You're so not listening to me, are you?" She suddenly asked jarring him from his own thoughts. He liked that about Bella... she didn't need to babble to fill airspace.

"Hmm? I heard you, Red," he told her through his costernation.

"You're... you're in _love_ with her, aren't you?" Willow cited, breathless.

The vampire scowled. It was undeniable, though. The Wanna-Be Witch had nailed it on the head.

"What? You... you know, Red. You have too much time on your hands. Need to stop reading those silly Harlequins at bedtime," he told her, scoffing at her discovery. Flustered him, though. Flinging her girlish accusations at him.

She was smiling, whole face glowing in realization.

"No, you're not brushing me off that easy, Spike! You love her! It's all over your face!" She was pushing it. He growled in warning, flashing his amber eyes to try and make a point.

Willow wasn't phased. Laughed as she sipped her drink.

"No, Spike. That's good. It's a _good_ thing. Love. Good."

Yeah, sure it was. Figured she was just happy to have him turning his attentions to someone other than Buffy. Hearts and dead roses over some other girl, right?

"Dammit, Red. Stop looking at me like you know some big secret. You don't know anything," he slammed back another glass of whiskey.

"Spike and Bella, sitting in a tree..." He shot her a look of warning.

"You know, sometimes I wonder how anyone could want to be around you for more than five minutes. You're so moody and sulky-like. Can't even take a compliment when you're given one," Willow voiced. "At least you look... happy.... when you're with her."

He did look happy with her. That much he knew. He felt happy with her. Felt like nothing else mattered in the world except for him and his Daywalker. Could feel a smile playing on his lips.

"Now was that so hard?" Willow asked, catching his consignment. "You know, you're actually kind of cute when you're not all look-at-me-I'm-a-bad-ass-vampire!"

He laughed yet. Tapped on the bar for two more glasses of Bella's favorite tipple. Had the barkeep bring a couple more of whatever those drinks were that had put the Slayer and the Witch in such good spirits and then nodded to the witch to get her going. She carried the drinks through the thinning crowd to the hightop Bella and Buffy were occupying.

"Xander and Anya still hiding from us?" she asked, scoping out the dance floor for them.

"I think Big Bad over there scared them off for a bit," Buffy smiled, taking her drink from Willow.

She couldn't help but watch Spike with Bella. He sat very close to her, their bodies leaning into each other. He'd placed his own glass on the table before handing her the other with a quick "a jot of the dog that bit you, Love." She took the glass from him, fingers brushing his, knowing smile between the two of them as she arched up to kiss his lips, hand tenderly touching his cheek on the way back down. She wondered if they'd had sex yet. Not that it was her business. Not that she cared. Just curious. Someone ought to be getting some, she cynically thought.

Red was still looking at him with that tell-tale 'I've-got-a-secret' smile. They were definately cute. He was absolutely different. He was kind of likable when Bella was around him. Took a tiny little Guardian to finally soothe the savage beast. Or something like that.

"Xander has something he wants to say to you," Anya announced, bounding up, Xander in tow and breaking into their thoughts upon her return from the bump and grind to the band. "Xander," she urged in a way that a mother might urge an insolent child.

Xander looked at his feet. And Anya unceremoniously stomped on one.

"Ow! Dammit! Okay, okay," he conceded. "I, uh... what you do isn't my business and I have no right to pass judgement on anyone especially with my track record and if you two want to do whatever it is you're doing, then, by all means, do it and don't worry about me."

Bella giggled. She was sure he hadn't taken a breath during his obviously Anya-imposed speech.

"Apology accepted, forgotten and let's move past all this bullshit and never bring it up again," Bella smiled raising her glass. It was really hard to not like her. She let things roll off her like water off a duck.

"We've got way too much of the paramount going on to start giving into dissension among the troops, don't you think?" Smart bird, Spike thought. Maybe that is what I love most about her.


	11. Witchy Things

The decision was made. They would work together to bleed the First. After they figured out how to coax it into something tangible. That, Bella told them, would be the hard part.  
  
Giles sat across from Bella at her dining room table. She had suggested that they all come to her apartment so that she could be nearer to her supplies. She had let out a giggle when she showed Giles' her altar room. He had gasped, involuntarily, as the candles flickered and beckoned him in from the doorway. The room was swimming in power and a mystical current that made the fine hairs of his neck stand on end.  
  
Willow, Dawn and Buffy were camped out on the sofa studying the screen of the laptop. Xander and Anya were getting ready to go on a coffee and munchie run.  
  
"All I have around here is booze, blood and chocolate," Bella told them when Dawn's stomach first rumbled. She dug into her purse and pulled out a wad of money.  
  
"Here," she said, handing the crumpled pile of twenties to Xander. "Why don't you and Anya pick up a couple of pies at Samuel Mancino's up the road and hit the Espresso Pump for a round of up-all-night. I have the feeling we're going to be working well into morning light," she told him.  
  
Xander looked at her with puzzlement in his eyes. One minute, she's blowing smoke and threats in his face, the next she's handing him what he assumed to be stolen money for food and drinks for the gang.  
  
"And it's not stolen," she'd said with a smirk. Xander snapped his head up to meet her eyes. "Well, _I_ didn't steal it... it was left to me in a trust set up by my... father."  
  
The boy nodded in understanding.  
  
"Alright then. Pizza and coffee all around," Anya announced.  
  
"Tea, if you would, please," Giles said, not looking up from his studies.  
  
Anya looked to Spike.  
  
"Got blood and booze... and chocolate," he winked, looking over at Dawn as she sat between her sister and the witch. "What more could an undead want?"

Xander and Anya left leaving a resounding silence in their wake. Bella turned her attention back to Giles. He was lost in a thick, leather-bound book. The grey cover was soft from wear and age, some pages yellowed and curling at the edges.  
  
"The rest is cake. I mean, really. Once it's vulnerable, it can be cut, bled and sent back to Hell," Bella told Giles as handing him another book she had found among her mother's things. She'd opened it to a drawing.  
  
Giles studied the picture. It was an ancient vampire hanging from a wheel above what looked exactly like the Hellmouth in the Sunnydale High School basement.  
  
Spike crowded in for a closer look. She watched him grimace and shake his head.  
  
"Been there. Done that. Don't desire to be in that position ever again," he snorted, remembering the torture inflicted upon him by the First when he returned from Africa.  
  
"Yeah, well, the contraption isn't meant for you. We need to find a spell to make the First embody the Turok-Han. Maui said that's our best bet. Force it into the Turok-Han and then bleed it over the Hellmouth," she explained.  
  
"Why does this just sound too incredibly easy to me?" Buffy voiced with concern from the sofa.  
  
"It does, doesn't it?" Bella smiled. "That's the beauty of it all. Something this huge... apocalyptic... you'd think it would be impossible to stop. Or damn near. The irony is that most of the impossibles we face in life are made of the most simplistic stuff."  
  
"Pardon me if I sound like I'm pooh-poohing the whole simplicity of this thing," Willow began, "But if the Big Bad is that easy, why hasn't it been defeated before?"  
  
Bella saw the fear in the witch's eyes. And it was justified. She shrugged, suddenly busying herself with the books in front of her.  
  
"Bella," Spike pressed on. "Love... is there something you aren't telling us."  
  
She shrugged again. Noncomittal. He wasn't liking it. He let out an exasperated sigh and then knelt in front of her, both hands clasped on her knee, his chin resting on them so he could look up at her face.  
  
"Dish the dirt, Pet," he told her. He could see in her eyes there was something she was holding back from them.  
  
She shuffled in her seat, but he stayed put, staring up at her with commanding blue eyes. She scowled under his scrutiny and suddenly crossed her arms across her chest in irritation and defeat. She felt them all staring at her, waiting for her response.  
  
"Fine. Fine, fine, fine," she huffed. It was then that he saw the fear flash in her eyes. It was quick, nearly undetectable, but he saw it.  
  
"We can do this. I know we can do this. I have no doubt. But it's not a fighting thing, it's a... well..."  
  
"A witchy thing..." Willow whispered, finally understanding Bella's apprehension of telling them the whole story.  
  
"Yeah," she sighed. "It's a witchy thing."  
  
Spike was still resting his hands and chin on her lap, looking up at her with his soulful blue eyes. For a moment, she could see him as a little boy, eyes bright and wide with wonder. Not a hint of fear in them, but determination and hope.  
  
"Well, then," he smiled at her. "Looks like we should be less worried about the First and more worried about Red getting in a paddy."  
  
He could smell the blood as it rushed to Willow's cheeks. He went to the sofa where she was sitting with the Slayer and her sister.  
  
"If I told you that I believe in you and that I believe you can control yourself, would it mean anything to you?" he asked the surprised witch.  
  
She stared at him with wide, brown eyes. He was making an effort. He was being supportive. He was trying to be a... friend. The words _divide and conquer_ flashed through her memory and she smiled at him.  
  
"A lot," she said, placing her warm hand in his and giving it a squeeze.  
  
"Very well, then." He was up and making his way to the kitchen as the girls stared at him, mouths agape. He rifled through Bella's cabinets and found a bottle of scotch near the back of the one nearest the stove. He took three glasses down and filled them each half-full. He handed one to the Watcher and one to Bella. She had been watching him, eyes glued to him since he broke contact with her.  
  
He sat between them at the table and rubbed his temples thoughtfully. He could still feel her watching him. The girls had gone back to searching through the internet. He felt a sense of confidence coming from Red, though, that had been missing before.  
  
Giles took a long, appreciative sip from his glass, never looking up from the text he was studying. He thanked Spike for the tipple with a tight, but sincere, smile. Spike noticed that the smile lingered while the Watcher continued to study the books in front of him. It made him feel good, human again, to be on the receiving end of a smile from someone as cagey as the Watcher.  
  
"Yes, thankyou," she repeated softly. He watched as she downed about half of the glass and then placed it on the table in front of her.  
  
_Come with me for a walk_, she heard him say. It was for her ears only.  
  
She nodded and stood, finishing off the scotch first. She told Giles that she needed some fresh air and then looked at Spike.  
  
"Come with me for a walk?" she asked him, making it look like it was her idea.  
  
"Bloody brilliant idea, " he nodded at her.


	12. Prophesies and Traffic Lights

"Like that was _so_ not obvious," Buffy was quick to point out as the door closed behind Spike and Bella. Had she just voiced that? _How mature do I sound, _she thought.

Willow giggled, stopping abruptly at Buffy's cold glare.

"Well, I thought it was kind of cute," she said defensively. "I hope he claims her."

"Willow!" Buffy's eyes went wide as she and Giles simultaneously admonished the witch. Sure, it had been for entirely different reasons, but it baffled her just the same.

"Oh, come on. We're all adults here."

Buffy cleared her throat and alluded to Dawn.

"Like you didn't know about those things when you were 15, Miss High and Mighty Slayer," Willow challenged. She was wearing her Willow resolve face. Buffy was helpless to it.

"Fine. Whatever," she finally conceded.

"So, uh... what does 'claim' mean?" Dawn quietly asked.

Buffy shot Willow a raised-eyebrow glare.

"Well, uh..." Willow was stammering. _Good job, Wills_, she told herself. "Claim is when, uh... well, when two vampires... two. Like Bella and Spike. Well, they decide, uh..." She paused and took a deep breath. "It's when they punch each other in the arm and say 'hey, that makes you my vampire now.' Okay?" She was a horrible liar.

"Okay," Dawn accepted. "Just making sure." She got up and went to sit across from Giles in Bella's seat. She gazed down at the book Bella had been reading and without looking up, she corrected Willow.

"Actually, pretty sure you're thinking of mating. But way to go in substituting the old arm-punch for hot and steamy vampire sex. Yay, you!"

"DAWN!" they all admonished at once. She caught Giles' eyes and grinned.

"Hey, you should just be glad I studied something. Even if it wasn't Algebra," she told him.

He shook his head and returned to his musty, old tome. Dawn thumbed through the text that Bella had been reading. _Dumb Buffy_, she thought. Spike had loved her. He'd grieved for her, unconsolably, when she had died. He had kept her together when she came back wrong. And what did that get him? Just another round of Kick the Spike, courtesy of Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer. As much as Dawn loved her sister, Buffy was clearly out of her league when it came to Spike.

She wasn't sure if it had something to do with her being The Key, but something about Spike with Bella made her feel all green and glowy. It was like she was TPTB's personal traffic light stuck on green for the vampiric duo. _Dumb Buffy_, she though again. She'd lost her chance and there was no getting it back ever again. Of that much, Dawn was sure. And it was gratefully so. She couldn't stand to watch her sister break him again. _Lucky, lucky Bella._

They had made it about a block from Bella's apartment when he leaned her up against the nearest tree and kissed her senseless. At first, her eyes went wide and then she quickly surrendered to him. His tongue plundered into her mouth over and over again. Her hand went to the back of his neck encouraging him to deepen the kiss. Her other had stroked his cheek softly. He was overwhelmed by her apparent need of him for both passion and tenderness. He moaned and reluctantly broke away from her.

"Gonna need to get a room if we don't stop, Kitten," he joked.

Her eyes were shining with desire. _Maybe that's what I want,_ she silently told him. Now, there was something he hadn't expected. He cocked his head to the side trying to suss out whether or not she meant that by getting back into her head. _Maybe I think that this is more than just some prophesy and that I just want to be with you,_ she challenged him.

"Prophesy? What prophesy would that be, Pet?" he asked her, resting his hand, beside her head, on the tree.

She sighed. "That's kind of why I wanted you to come for a walk with me."

"Uh-huh." He was confused, but strangely decided to veer East down the Road of Be Patient. He waited for her to continue.

"Okay." He reached up and tucked her hair behind her hair and she smiled. _Oh, William. I'm so glad it's you._

He seemed to relax after she said that. Whatever this prophesy was couldn't change the look in the girl's eyes. He knew that now.

"So, then. Tell me about out prophesy," he urged her.

"Mamma made a deal with the Powers. Basically, I get to keep my soul, but only because it serves them and their glowy asses in the end."

"You've seen them?" he asked, surprised.

"Aren't you more interested in where you fit into all this?" she asked, trying to mask her scowl.

"Right, then. Go on," he responded.

"You're him."

He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding where this was going.

"Angel called me. Told me that the Powers, they told him that you were 'him' and that I'd know what they were talking about."

"So, Love. What are they talking about?"

So, the damned Powers had plans for him. Go figure. Tap into a chap's unlife and not even give him fair warning. Always butting in and sodding everything up.

"Mamma kept a journal. I'll show you when we go back," she told him. "In her journal, she wrote that _he_ would be the one to save me and together we would save the world."

He was part of the witch's master plan? Or was it the Powers'? He no longer knew. He was trying to piece it all together, then he realized he just didn't care. He would have been drawn to Bella no matter what.

"I don't understand," he finally admitted. She thought he had. "Save you from what?"

She smiled. _You saved me from myself_, she told him.


	13. Coffee, Pizza and Texty Goodness

"Did you see them, Xander? I'm telling you, if there aren't orgasms going on already, they will be going on very soon," the ex-vengeance demon informed her embarrassed fiance as they brought the first load of coffee and pies up the walk to Bella's apartment.

"I really don't think that what they're doing is any of our business, Ahn," he said, hoping she'd drop the subject before someone else heard them. That someone, specifically, being Buffy. "As long as they don't kill anyone. Well, other than him."

"Kill who?" Dawn brightly asked, taking a stack of hot pizza boxes from Xander's arms.

"Nobody," Xander quickly offered, smothered by Anya's "Spike."

"Who's killing Spike? And it better not be anybody because he's mine," Buffy warned. "To kill," she quickly amended, swallowing a rising lump called 'embarrassment' in her throat.

Xander glared at Anya silently gloating "see what you've done?" Unfortunately for him, his girl would never be the Queen of Subtle.

"Oh, we just saw Spike and Bella groping each other outside. I just thought it was nice that _someone_ is getting and giving orgasms around here," Anya pouted, completely unaware of just how red the tips of Xander's ears had become.

"Gro-groping? Groping how?" Buffy asked weakly.

"Gro...ping," Dawn said slowly. "Sure you've been groped before."

Everyone looked at her, surprised by her condescending tone.

"What?"

They brought in the rest of the coffee and pizza and went about distributing the much-needed fuel. Dawn was stuffing a folded slice of pepperoni pizza into her mouth. She still felt her sister glaring at her.

"Oh, for crying out loud, already, Buffy!" she yelled, dropping her pizza onto a paper plate. She wiped her greasy fingers on a napkin and then stormed across the room to her sister.

"You didn't want him. Now he doesn't want _you_. You don't get to change your mind again."

That stung. More than Buffy cared to admit. And when had her sister gotten so bold and insightful? _Probably hanging out with that damned witch Bella_, she thought, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Dawn, apologize to your sister," Giles wearily directed the teen.

"No."

"Dawn." He pulled off his glasses, polishing them on his sleeve. His tone was stern.

"Again, _no_," she told him, drawing the word out for effect.

"It wasn't a request Dawn," Giles warned.

She put her hands on her hips and stared at Buffy.

"Come on, Buffy. We can't be harboring bad feelings. The First will use them against us to divide and conquer," Dawn challenged her.

Buffy could swear that her 15 year old sister was the one trying to do the dividing and conquering.

"You're not Dawn," she seethed, preparing to attack the girl staring her down.

She pushed up her sleeves and was about to lunge when Spike and Bella walked in the door.

"What in the bloody hell is going on here, Slayer?" Spike demanded to know.

His eyes darted between the Slayer and the Bit. They were at a stand-off about something. But it was the feral stance which Buffy had taken that most concerned him.

"She's. Not. My. Sister," the Slayer ground out.

Dawn felt the tears stinging the backs of her eyes at Buffy's pronouncement. Not her sister. So that's how it works when someone disagrees with the Great Buffy.

"Fuck you, Buffy!" Dawn shouted at her sister. The tears were flowing freely as Spike stepped between the two girls, looking from one to the other for some sort of explanation.

"Which one of you wants to start?" Spike asked, slipping his arm around Dawn's shoulders. He was glaring at Buffy. She could see he had already chosen his side.

Bella quietly closed the door behind her. The Slayer and her sister at a stand-off. Definately not of the good.

"Why would you say something so hateful to your sister, Buffy?" Bella asked cautiously. Humans. She just couldn't understand them anymore.

It took Buffy a moment to realize her mistake.

"Oh, God," she gasped. "Dawnie, I thought--"

Bella helped Buffy back over to the sofa.

"Listen, emotions are high. But, you've got to keep it in check, Buffy. The First will not come to you in a setting like this, Buffy. It comes to you when you are alone," Bella told her.

Buffy knew that. She knew that.

"I know you're under a lot of stress. I do. You don't have to take this all on alone, though. Spike and I are strong fighters. And we know what's the what, now. Rupe," she called to the Watcher.

He looked up at the sound of his name.

"Coffee, pizza and a night full of texty goodness?"

He allowed a small smile as he nodded. She sounded like one of the Scoobies. He didn't know whether to be concerned or relieved.

Everyone went off into their own corners. Spike, Bella and Giles took their spots at the dining table, still poring over ancient tomes for the spell that they needed.

Buffy and Willow were eating pizza and searching the net on the sofa. Anya and Xander were arguing about the anchovies and olive pizza that nobody but Anya was going to eat. Dawn was sitting on the kitchen counter, munching happily on her neglected slice of pizza. She was watching Bella and Spike out of the corner of her eye.

None of them knew what she knew. None of them ever really wanted to see what they didn't want to see. There was something kind of glowy hovering around Spike and Bella. Nothing overtly showy, and she supposed that she, again, was the only one who noticed.

He had tried so hard to be good for Buffy. But, with Bella, it wasn't even a matter of trying or not. He just was. She just brought that out in him. And, apparently, it struck a sour chord with Buffy.

Spike was kneeling on the floor next to Bella. His hand was resting on the opposite side of Bella's chair, his arm around her waist. When they spoke to each other, it was quietly, respectfully and with love-glazed eyes. She supposed that a lot of their communication was silent. It made her smile. She imagined herself with some handsome guy,and speaking to him without words. Spike and Bella could bring out the romantic in just about anyone.

Dawn noticed that Willow was stealing glances of them, as well. A couple of times, she had caught Bella's eyes and smiled at her before returning to her work with Buffy. Willow certainly was a romantic, too. But Dawn had been witness to that when she was with Tara.

Buffy looked perplexed. She seemed like she was forcing herself to concentrate on the research that she and Willow were doing on the laptop, but Dawn saw the wistful look she had whenever she'd look at the vampires. She just couldn't muster up the sympathy she should for her sister, though. Not after all of the pain she caused Spike. He had a chance to be happy with someone like him. Buffy needed to get past herself and when she did, she'd realize that Dawn was right. She'd had her chance. And now it was gone.

"I think I found something," Bella suddenly called out, interrupting Dawn's little people-watching game.

Bella handed the text down to Spike.

"Do you recognize the language?" she asked.

He studied the words on the page and looked at her. He couldn't place it. Although, he knew that he'd seen it before.

"It's Aramaic, Spike. Rupe."

Spike passed the book to Giles. Indeed, it was an Aramaic incantation. Surely, the witch didn't think that this was the spell that would embody the First?

"This is it. I can feel it," she told Giles.

He nodded, still unsure.

"Rupe." Her tone was firm. She was sure. "This will make it corporeal. It can make it bleed. It can make it die. Now, we just need to decide when."


	14. More Than Words

"Rupe." Her tone was firm. She was sure. "This will make it corporeal. It can make it bleed. It can make it die. Now, we just need to decide when."

Giles removed his glasses and set them on the table in front of him. One thing that he had learned in the short time that he had known her was that Bella's hunches were very accurate. Frighteningly so.

"When you say corporeal, what exactly are you saying? That this spell will bring forth the First in its own true form?" he asked.

"Or will it do what you said we needed to do before?" Buffy asked from the sofa. "Will it send it into the nearest Chaka Khan?"

"Turok Khan," Dawn corrected. She was grinning. She could feel the warmth spreading through her body. Bella definately was onto something.

"Whatever," Buffy said, brushing off her error. "What will this do?"

Bella brought the book over and showed it to her. For all Buffy could tell, it could be a recipe for pot roast.

"Sorry," she said, passing the tome to Willow. "Not big with the ancient languages."

"Right," Bella nodded. "This is an Aramaic spell. We won't need anything to embody the First. This will make it corporeal. And by making it corporeal, we can bleed it over the Seal of Danthazar, effectively closing the Hellmouth. But we have to remember, to every action, there is a reaction."

"What does that mean?" Willow asked, passing the book on to Dawn.

"It means that we'd better be damned sure of what we're getting into before we perform this spell," Bella told them. "Yeah. This will close the Hellmouth. But what are the residuals? That's the tricky thing about magic -- no pun intended. The whole whatever you do will be done unto you trifold. It makes it even more neccessary to understand exactly what we are doing. If I learned nothing else from my mother, that's a lesson I learned well."

Spike and the Watcher were deep in quiet conversation at the dining table. If anyone understood what Bella was saying, they did. Giles had read more than one spell that went awry in his Watchers Journals. And Spike had witnessed more than he cared to recall.

"I'm fairly well-versed in ancient languages, but there are a few passages in the spell that concern me," Giles confessed. Bella nodded, understanding his concern. "As you well know, Bella, many of the Aramaic spells were not meant to be taken literally. They were recorded in some sort of, uh... of--"

"Secret code," Spike offerered.

"Precisely." Giles replaced his glasses and briefly smiled at Spike. "Thank you, Spike. Yes, a secret code."

"Then we'll just have to pull out our secret decoder rings and make some sense out of it," Buffy sighed.

She was growing weary of all of the research. She needed something to kill. Deciphering codes and creating incantations just wasn't her thing. Executing the drill, well, that's exactly where she excelled. Her head was swimming with a million things. She rubbed her temples and made the decision.

"Tell you what," she announced. "I'm going to patrol. You know I'm useless when it comes to research anyhow," she told them, unapologetically.

"Yes, we know," Spike grinned.

"Very well, Buffy. Why don't you take Xander and Anya with you. Spike and I will continue to sift through these tomes and Bella can work with Dawn and Willow on breaking the code, as you refer to it," Giles told her.

Buffy gnawed her lip for a moment, looking even younger than she was.

"I, uh, I want Spike with me."

Spike's head snapped up in surprise. That was definately a first. The Slayer wanted him on patrol with her. What was that all about?

"I, uh... just think that, you know... like Bella said, a lot stronger. Ancient. The nasties that are rising..." She was stammering and they all sat slack-jawed and pie-eyed as she dug herself deeper.

"Hey, that's cool," Bella smiled, saving her from certain suffocation of self. She turned to Spike and winked, letting him know that she knew exactly what this was all about. "Actually, that's a good idea. You guys can suss out just how knee-deep we are in this muck. We need a good feel for the tangible, not just the abstract."

"Right," Buffy smiled weakly, glad for Bella's agreeance. There were just some things that needed to be sorted out. And she had the feeling that Bella knew that it was beyond the obvious.

"Right," Bella echoed. "Plus, a good spot of violence always ups our stamina for the academic stuff and all that rot," she winked at Spike.

Buffy felt her jaw tighten at Bella's reference to herself and Spike as being cut of the same cloth.

"Right. So, we'll be back with the full report in a few, then."

The Slayer let herself out of the apartment and waited for Spike to follow.

Willow and Dawn were poring over the ancient text. Dawn surprised the witch with just how much she was able to interpret. Bella watched them for a moment and then looked up to Spike, who was now standing over her.

"A word, Love?" he asked, motioning toward the door.

They walked out into the crisp night air. Buffy was standing at the edge of the walk. She was surprised to see that Bella had walked out with Spike. Something inside her was tearing her apart. She didn't love him. She knew that. But something inside her was screaming "Get away from _my_ vampire!"

Spike looked up to see her glaring at them.

"Go ahead and head out. I'll find you in a moment," he told her. He could have sworn he saw her scowl.

"Uh, yeah. I'll just go the usual route," she told him, trying on her most agreeable smile.

Bella smiled at her and called after for her to be careful. She turned her attention back to Spike. She didn't like the dark cast his eyes had taken.

"What's this all about then?" she asked quietly. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, her weight shifted onto one leg as she stared up at him. She tried to appear confident, indifferent to the thick tension that had been bubbling just below the surface all evening.

He reached out and pulled her arms away from her so that he could hold both of her hands in his.

"Don't need to worry, Love," he told her, pulling her closer to him.

"I'm not worried," she lied. "You and Buffy are strong fighters. Anything that needs to be found out, you'll find it."

He sighed and pulled her even closer, wrapping his arms tightly around her small form. He could feel that something wasn't right. She wouldn't relax into him. He pulled back, placing his hands on her upper arms.

"Kitten," he whispered, searching her eyes. She had closed herself off completely to him. "Let me in."

She stared up at him defiantly. She wanted to let him back in, but the tension she'd been feeling from the Slayer all evening was finally taking its toll.

"What is she to you?" she found herself asking.

Spike cupped her face in his hand with such tenderness that she almost let down her guard. She almost let him back in. But the wall was up and she wasn't going to let it back down until she knew just what kind of heartbreak she was facing.

"Bella, sweet," he sighed, narrowing his eyes on hers. She tried to look away, but he wouldn't let her. "Look at me, Love." She glanced up at him and then back away. "Bella." His tone was commanding as he gently forced her to look at him. "I have never fallen for anyone as hard and as fast as I have for you. You know I'm telling you the truth."

She closed her eyes and let a silent tear fall. She knew he was telling the truth.

"I'm... I'm just getting a lot of bad vibes thrown my way in there. And they're coming from her. She looks at me like I've... like I've taken her favorite toy."

He chuckled softly at her analogy. She was dead on. That's all he had been to the slayer... a toy. He knew that. And so did Buffy.

"She meant something more to me at one time. And like Dru," he shook his head, saddened by her memory. "Like Dru, a part of me will always love her. But like Dru, it was an unhealthy love. A bastardization of the word, if you will. And her feelings toward me... Buffy's. I think she's come to depend on me being there. And that she's even come to expect that I'll allow her to kick me over and over. But you're the one, Bella."

She looked up at him and searched his eyes.

"You're the one and I knew it from the moment I breathed you in. Until I met you, I couldn't piece together what was missing. With Dru, I thought it was the fact that I had too much of a conscience, you know. Wasn't bloody enough for her and the sort," he told her, pausing to collect his thoughts. "With Buffy, I was sure that it was the soul. Or, at the time, the lack of one. But that wasn't it. It wasn't enough."

Bella nodded, trying to understand what he was telling her. She inwardly cursed herself for even allowing herself these feelings for him. In such a short time, he'd turned her world inside out and made her feel things she never knew existed. She had no idea how to take the pieces and fit them together into something that made sense. Maybe it wasn't supposed to make sense.

"And... and what you feel with me?" she found herself asking, in barely a whisper.

He smiled warmly at her and slid his hands down to her waist. This isn't how he wanted to do things. This wasn't the place, but he could feel her need for the truth. In some ways, she was as impatient as small child. He had to remind himself of how sheltered she'd been, no matter how strong and smart she was. In matters of the heart, she was completely balled up.

"What I feel when I'm with you, Love... it's like nothing I've ever felt in my life... and that goes for my unlife, too," he joked. "You're the missing link, Kitten. You're what I've been searching for and could never find. And it has nothing to do with the fucked-up powers that be or with the prophesy your mum wrote about... it's because you've treated me like a man since day one. You're... you're my heart, Love." He took her hands and placed them where his heart should beat. He couldn't help but smile even more when she splayed them across his chest possessively. "I'm yours, Bella. There's no one else. Only you."

She felt the tears slipping from her closed eyes. He was right. It wasn't some stupid prophesy. She would have found him somehow, apocalypse or not. They were meant to be. She opened her eyes slowly to him and let him back in.

_I think... I think I'm falling in love with you and it scares me more than anything I've ever known_, he heard her admit.

"It scares me, too, Kitten," he agreed. "But what scares me more is knowing how many deaths I could have died without ever loving you."

His lips brushed gently against hers and her arms slid up around his neck. _I want this_, she thought. _I want this all-consuming love. _And so did he. He pulled her against him, crushing her small frame to his chest. Her lips parted to him and she darted out her tongue to taste him. The small gesture just further intensified the passion he felt.

"Go help the slayer," she finally breathed, pulling away from him slightly. "And then come back to me."

He gave her a final kiss, gently sucking in her bottom lip. He felt her completely relax in his arms as she murmered the words _I love you_ against his mouth.

"And I love you, Bella."

Buffy stood in the shadows, just a few feet from the vampiric pair. Part of her was surprised that Spike hadn't sensed her there as he always had. She felt angry tears niggling at the backs of her eyelids at their declaration to one another. It was too late. He no longer loved her.


	15. Wrath in Three Part Harmony

Spike watched as Bella went back into the brownstone. She trusted him. He knew that. Could feel that. And she loved him. Had told him as much. Now, to deal with the Slayer. He didn't know what the Hell was going on in her head. Not that he ever had.

"Come on out, Slayer," he called. "I know you're there."

She came out of the shadows with her hands balled up at her sides. _Great,_ he thought. _The only beastie she's out to take on is me._

"Take it you heard everything."

She didn't say anything as she fell into step with him. What was there to say? She couldn't offer him anything that would change how he felt about Bella. Even if she did love him, she was pretty sure that wouldn't be enough to change how he felt about the Daywalker. She shrugged, not trusting her own voice.

"Want to tell me why you were so insistant on me patrolling with you, Pet?" he asked, when she showed no signs of initiating the uncomfortable yet neccessary conversation on her own.

"I didn't mean to--"

"Bollocks, Slayer," he said, cutting her off. "And the thing of it is, you could have just asked if you wanted to know. Didn't need to go eavesdropping on a private conversation."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. They weren't going any further. Not until she got off her chest whatever the Hell she was hiding. He lowered himself to the curb and started rifling through his pockets for a cigarette.

"Well, don't just stand there, Pet." He patted the concrete beside him. "Have a seat."

She shuffled her feet for a bit before taking the spot beside him on the sidewalk. She had no idea what to say. She'd made it perfectly clear to him that she didn't love him. She'd kicked him over and over -- both figuratively and literally. She refused to see past the monster and look at the man. And now... well, now that seemed to be all that she could see.

"I don't pretend to know what goes through your pretty little head, Pet," he told her, dragging on his cigarette. "Perhaps at one time... but, I am quite clear on what we aren't, Slayer."

She was picking at her nail polish, lip jutted out in that infamous pout.

"You heard me tell Bella that I love her, didn't you?"

Buffy's cheeks flamed red. Maybe asking him to patrol wasn't such a good idea.

"Pet, you're going to have to talk to me. We can all feel the tension... and that's not the thing we need to be focusing on right now. Closing the Hellmouth, that's our priority. Even_ I_ get that," he explained, continuing to take in the quickly vanishing nicotine. "But... Bella's feeling the bad vibes from you. And what happened with Dawn earlier... I'm still not sure what all that was about. You're letting something affect your judgement and we need you to be with us right now. Wholly, Pet."

She knew that. And she wanted to open her mouth to speak, but she was afraid of what would come out. _Bury it deep, Buffy_, she told herself. That's what she always did. But she knew that Spike wasn't going to let this go. He'd keep on her until she cracked.

"I..." She took a deep breath and tried again. "I'm just ready for all of this to be done. I shouldn't have snapped at Dawn like that. It was my fault. Not hers."

That still didn't answer what it was all about.

"Tell me what happened before Bella and I came back, Pet."

Before? Which part? The conversation about how cute he and Bella were together? Or the part where her sister gave everyone an education on vampire mating rituals? Or how about the part where Anya announced how Bella and Spike were groping and giving orgasms and the such. Oh, oh! She knew -- how about her _favorite_ part? The part where her little sister chastised her for wanting something she could no longer have? _God, he must be eating this up_, she thought.

"Listen Slayer, you know the Bit will tell me everything. And she'll tell it from her point of view," he said, flicking the spent cigarette past their feet into the road. "So, why don't you tell me what happened."

He was right. Dawn would tell him everything. And Buffy was beginning to think that she enjoyed making her look like an ass when it came to Spike. It would be better if she gave him her version of the truth first.

"Fine," she finally ceded. "You and Bella left, there was a very uncomfortable conversation about claiming which, by the way, I'd like to know how my sister knew _anything_ about vampire mating rituals in the first place." She caught his eye for a moment and then continued. "Then Anya made a big stink about seeing the two of you groping and went on about how it was nice that someone was getting orgasms around here... and then Dawn just blew it all out of proportion."

He raised his eyebrow.

"Okay, okay... maybe _I_ blew it out of proportion," she quickly amended.

"What did the Bit say to you, Pet? What made you think she was the First?"

Buffy tried to contain her embarrassment. Why couldn't she just punch him in the nose? Violence always worked in the past. Then again, that was before Bella arrived. And Buffy was pretty sure that if she did anything to hurt Spike, she'd have one brassed-off Daywalker on her hands. She wasn't willing to risk the world for a fleeting feeling of contentment.

"I don't love you," she heard herself say in barely a whisper.

"Sing me a new one, Pet."

She noticed that he sounded more amused than upset. In fact, he didn't sound upset at all.

"Dawn accused me of being jealous."

He rubbed his chin and turned to narrow his eyes on her.

"Now why would you be jealous? Not like what we ever did meant anything to you," he pointed out.

Yes. She knew that. Maybe. She just didn't know. She didn't love him. That was clear. But what they did _had_ meant something. She just wasn't sure what.

"You... you made me feel again."

"And you made me feel again, too, Pet. For that, I'll always be greatful," he agreed.

"But it was... not of the good. Not... right."

"Because you only see me as a monster."

"Because I don't have the luxury of giving my heart to anyone," she finally confessed. "I gave it to Angel and it almost destroyed me."

She watched him for some sort of reaction to hearing his grand-sire's name. There wasn't one.

"I know you're not Angel," she told him.

"'bout time you figured that out, Pet."

"I'll... I'll always love him," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. She looked down at her hands and shook her head, trying to clear her mind. "I'll... I'll always care about you, though. I guess I'm afraid I'm losing... a friend?"

He cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes on hers. A friend? That was a new one. When had they become friends? He cautiously slipped his arms around her shoulders.

"I'm not the kind of bloke who turns his back on his friends, Pet. And Bella isn't the type of woman who could love someone who did. You know, Pet... _Buffy_... she was thrown into this. She didn't ask for any of it. She didn't ask to be born the way she was. She didn't ask to be turned. She fought against it every step of the way. But, the Powers... you know how they like to work their will. Fuck what _you_ want, they've got their own agenda, yeah?"

She nodded. That, they did.

"You l-love her?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I don't know how you do it," she sighed.

He was confused.

"How you can risk heartbreak over and over again," she told him. "And that's what I guess I'm most jealous of -- your ability to love again. I'm emotionally bankrupt," she laughed sarcastically.

"No, you're not, Pet. You're just a girl with a world to save. And you always put that first. Not your fault that you're the Chosen One and all that rot. Just the lot you were given. And you make the most of it. But you've got friends and family who love you -- you just have to let them do that sometimes. Realize they don't want anything from you. They just want to love you."

He always knew what to say.

"So, are we going to sit here pouting about things we can't change all night? Or are we going to kick some demon ass?"

She smiled and stood, reaching out her hand to help him up.

"Let's kick some demon ass."

* * *

"We've got the spell," Willow said, her brow furrowed in concentration. "But I don't understand how we get the First to show itself. I mean, it's come to us in various forms. But it's never come to us all at the same time. And it's not like we can just say 'hey, Firsty... want to come over for some pizza and movies?' "

Giles understood what she was saying. That seemed to be the biggest challenge. Bella was in her altar room trying to dig up the various ingredients she would need to complete the spell. Dawn felt the change in the room as soon as Bella had come back in from her talk with Spike. She waited for a bit, but found herself drawn back to the room. Something was pulling her toward Bella.

"I'm gonna go see if Bella needs any help," she said excusing herself.

Bella was rifling through an upper cabinet on her tippy-toes when Dawn came up behind her.

"Need any help?" she softly offered.

Bella nodded and began rattling off a list of items she needed from the upper shelf. She watched the teenager as she easily accessed mugwort, hellebore, belladonna and monkshood.

"Dawn, what did you mean... before at the Magick Box? That you... that you're human _now_?"

Dawn grinned as Bella lined up the containers of herbs on the altar.

"Guess Angel didn't give you the full monty, huh?" the teen said. "I'm a key."

Bella looked up at her, not sure of what that meant.

"Uh, I was created by the Monks of Dagon... they, uh, made me from Buffy so that she would protect me. Kind of messed with everyone's minds so that they would think I was always there. But, nope. Not so. I mean, even my own mother thought she'd given birth to me. But it never happened."

"What was the purpose?" Bella asked, disbelieving the incredible amounts of meddling done by TPTB.

"Well, I was supposed to open the gates to hell. I'm basically this huge green glowy blob of energy wrapped up in, well, in what you see. But, you know, Buffy jumped into the portal and closed the gates herself," Dawn explained.

Bella stood, her mouth agape as the young girl told her how Buffy had died and was brought back by Willow.

"You mean the witch performed a ressurrection spell?"

Dawn nodded. "Yeah, that's about right. They, uh... they ripped her out of Heaven."

Bella's hand flew up to her open mouth.

"Oh, Goddess!" she whispered. "This... this is all wrong."

She practically knocked Dawn over as she ran out of the room. Dawn was close behind as Bella stopped in front of Willow.

"I need to know exactly what you did, Willow," she told her, voice shaking to contain her rage.

Willow looked up with her with an expression of confusion and fear. She could feel the anger rolling off of Bella in peals of heat.

"Wh-what? What I did?"

"When you ressurected Buffy."

Giles' head snapped up at Bella's accusation.

"What does--"

"I need to know. _Now_." Bella was straining to control herself.

"Uh, I... um... the Urn of Osiris... and Mercury in retrograde... uh..." The witch was babbling afraid of why Bella was asking all these questions about something that had been over and done for quite some time. "There may have been a sacrificial fawn involved... and, uh, some pretty wiggy tests involving, uh, my passing of a live snake through my, uh, mouth."

"The spell was interrupted," Anya blurted out from behind the kitchen counter.

Bella glared at Willow. She didn't turn toward Anya's voice, but it was apparent that she heard what she had said.

"How. Was. It. Interrupted?" Bella demanded to know.

"A, uh... demon... might have run over the Urn of Osiris with a, um... a motorcycle," Willow stammered.

"Bella, what is it?" Giles asked, glasses already in hand. "We thought that we had taken care of--"

"You irresponsible fools!" Bella seethed. Her eyes were glowing preternaturally. She fought hard to keep her fangs from showing themselves. Willow cowered under her threatening gaze.

"You brought the Slayer back from the dead! And you thought that there would not be consequences?" she asked incredulously. Her eyes were practically fleying Willow. She continued to search the red-haired witch's mind and gasped in realization.

"_La mia dea_," she whispered, her body beginning to tremble. "You ripped her from _heaven_." Bella was pointing at Willow, her accusing finger shaking in realization.

"How--"

"Have you _no_ respect for the Powers at all?" she practically roared, effectively cutting Willow off. "You-- you learn a few spells and suddenly you're Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Don't you realize that there are things... that...that... _affanculo_!" she swore. The meaning of the word was not lost on Giles.

"You used black magick, you stupid child! Stregheri strictly teaches that magicks used for selfish reasons will be punished in triplicate. Did you think that there would be no consequence for what you did?" Bella accused.

Giles silently wished that Spike were there. He was the only one who seemed to have any soothing effect on Bella. He reached into his pocket and fished out his cell phone. He pushed in the numbers and waited for Buffy to answer her phone.

"Uh, yes, Buffy. I think perhaps you and Spike should return immediately," he hurriedly told the Slayer.

Bella continued to rant unable to reign in her anger any longer. Willow's eyes were wide with unspoken fear as Bella's fangs slowly descended. Anya and Xander stood in the kitchen, ready to do whatever neccessary to keep Bella from harming their friend. Dawn continued to stand by Bella's side. Something in her told her that Bella wouldn't hurt any of them, although she was a little wigged out by the sudden appearance of Bella's game face.

Bella turned to Giles and shot him a questioning glare.

"Where were you while this was happening?"

He set the phone down on the table and told Bella that he had gone back to England.

"I had... no idea. Not at the time, Bella," he assured her. "As I would never have left if I knew what the children were planning."

"Who else knew?" she wanted to know. _Please,_ she thought,_ don't let Spike have known._

"Spike and I didn't know, Bella," Dawn told her, placing a hand on her shoulder so that Bella would look at her. Bella was still in game face, but Dawn still felt the unexplainable draw to her that she had earlier. It was almost as if the Powers had mystically linked them. "They didn't tell us... because they knew."

Bella nodded, appreciating the young woman's honesty and understanding. Something in the girl's eyes was comforting. Bella's face slowly shifted back to human visage.

"Mannaggia!" She rubbed her temple. This was even worse than she thought. "You opened a can of worms. You took God and nature into your own, inexperienced hands. Didn't you even stop to think that there would be consequences? What if she had come back wrong?"

Willow averted her gaze.

"She did, didn't she?" Bella shook her head. These children had disrupted the course of nature. "Do you know what you _did,_ Witch?" Bella asked Willow.

The red-head's eyes were full of unshed tears. She shook her head, scared of the answer.

Buffy and Spike practically ran back to the brownstone. Buffy could hear Bella yelling and cursing in Italian through Giles' phone. He must have left it on after setting it back on the table, she surmised. She listened to the conversation that was unfolding. Spike ran ahead of her and threw open the door to see his Daywalker sheathed from head to toe in glowing rage.

"You pissed off _God_."


	16. Runaway Train

Willow's eyes were as wide as dinner plates as the angry Daywalker let her know just what, exactly, she had done.

"Wh-what's going on?" Buffy asked, looking between the two witches. "Wills?" Her voice sounded so small.

Willow's face crumpled as her tears began to fall uncontrollably. Tara was dead. Was that just one way that God was punishing her for what she had done?

Spike closed the door and took a tentative step toward Bella. An angry, unpredictable witch was not someone he wanted to take by surprise. He made it two steps into the room when she flung herself at him, taking him by surprise. Ah, that was his girl; one of the smartest, most powerful women in the world with the heart of a little girl. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly to his chest. He could hear her swirling thoughts, feel the rippling anger and, for the first time since he met her, smelled the faint tinge of fear on her skin.

_What the Hell is wrong with these people?_ she asked him silently. _They've created this apocalyptic mess and now I'm expected to make it all better. What if I can't make it better? Me and God, we're not best friends or anything, but I'd like to think we co-exist on pretty decent terms, Spike. I don't know if I can do this._

"I know, Baby," he whispered soothingly against her hair. "But you've got me now. We'll figure this out."

Buffy heard herself echoing his sentiment.

"We'll all figure it out together, Bella. It'll be okay... but I need to know what you think has happened."

"It appears that the ressurrection spell that Willow performed to bring you back," Giles began, "it could have been the catalyst for all that has happened since."

Buffy stared at him, but her eyes didn't hold even a hint of surprise.

"Uh-huh, and the whole thing about God being pissed off?" she asked rather casually.

Spike released Bella. He couldn't believe the progressing thick of which he was in the midst. Willow had known that the spell could have dire consequences. But she insisted on performing it, keeping her fears to herself. If she had left well enough alone... _you might never have met Bella, you git_, he selfishly thought. But then there was the whole issue of the prophesy.

"Listen, Buffy," Bella sighed and shook her head. How the Hell do you tell someone that they shouldn't exist? That their whole resurfacing had shifted the planes of the universe? "This is really complicated. And I'm just piecing together the story. Angel," she paused. "He didn't tell me everything. In fact, he was pretty damned cryptic. Now I see why. Probably knew that I would have run a million miles in the opposite direction to not be part of this."

Buffy resigned to the seat next to Willow and watched Bella as she began to slowly pace. The Slayer had been ressurrected by the witch... who had used black magick. Dawn, the sister, was an ancient key formed by monks to open the gates to Hell. The vampire... he was ensouled and as far as her mother and the Powers were concerned, he was her soulmate. The others... the Watcher. He looked so tired. The children neglected his authority. Even the Xander and Anya were helpless bystanders in this debacle.

"I think we should call it a night," she finally decided. "There's nothing more to talk about... nothing we can do until I figure this out. I-- I think that... I need to talk to Angel. I have this feeling..."

"You think there's something he's not telling you, Kitten?" Spike asked, brushing the hair from her eyes with his hand.

"Yeah. I think there's a lot of somethings that he's not telling me," she admitted. "Fucking Peaches," she muttered. He grinned down at her.

"Right then," Giles announced, standing. "I'll take Buffy, Dawn and Willow home. I believe we're all in need of some rest."

"Uh, yeah," Xander piped up. "Ahn and I will get going, too. We'll brainstorm, see if there's anything we can remember about that night."

Bella smiled weakly at the boy. It was the first time she'd ever looked upon him with softness.

"Thank you all. I appreciate it. Anything you might remember about that night... or after. And, uh... I know it's nearly impossible, but... I think that the Powers might owe me another special meeting," she blurted out.

Giles looked up, his eyebrow arched. She'd met with the Powers before?

"Uh, tomorrow," Spike said as he ushered them all out the door. "We'll all talk about it tomorrow."

Bella pulled out her cell phone as Spike exchanged a few last words with Giles at the front door.

"Angel?"

"Hey, Bella. What's up in good old SunnyHell?" he asked.

"You fucking son of a bitch--"

"Hey, hey, hey. Language, language--"

"You threw me right into a fucking ring of fire! Something you want to tell me about a ressurrection spell, Soul Asylum?" she seethed. Spike chuckled in the background at her not-so-flattering nickname for his grand-sire. He pulled out the bottle of scotch he'd found earlier figuring she needed a drink and knowing that he did.

"So, uh, guess they told you about Buffy coming back from the grave, huh?"

"The grave? The _grave_?" Her voice was crackling with fury.

"Well, yeah. She died... well, twice if you want to split hairs, Bella. But, yeah. She died. And her friends brought her back."

"Uh-huh. And do you happen to know just from where they brought her back, Peaches?"

Angel felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at the sound of the insult she'd obviously picked up from Spike.

"I don't know, Bella," he responded tightly. "From some Hell dimension, I suppose."

"Guess your Powers didn't bother to tell you that those stupid children ripped her out of Heaven."

She listened to the crackle of shocked silence at the other end.

"Mmm-hmm. Didn't think you were in on the big secret either. We're not just dealing with the forces of evil now, Angel. We're dealing with one seriously brassed-off supreme being. These kids have pissed off God in apocalyptic proportions and now, thanks to you, the Powers and this unfulfilled destiny I seem to have, I have to figure out if there's some way to fix this whole mess without getting anyone else killed. So, any other information that you've got in that thick scull of yours, it would be most appreciated."

She heard the sigh from his end of the line and took it as a sign of resignation.

"Angel?"

"Yeah. I'm here... I-- I didn't know, Bella. I'll be there tomorrow night."

She hung up her phone and sank down into the sofa. Spike handed her a glass of scotch and sat beside her. She sipped at the fiery liquid trying to will herself to put it all out of her mind. At least for the rest of the night. There was nothing else she could do. Not until more of the blanks were filled.

"Don't leave me," she whispered shakily, staring into her glass.

He pulled her to him and kissed her temple tenderly.

"Never leave you, Kitten," he promised. "Love you too damn much."


	17. Let The Rain Fall Down

Spike sat beside his weary Daywalker, rubbing small circles on her back. He wished he could just take her away from the whole mess. But he knew this girl. Knew her well in such a short time. She wasn't the sort who would run off just because a few loose canons were thrown her way. She was the kind of girl who met them head-on and did her damndest to dissect them into dust.

"Bella," he said softly, getting her attention. She smiled up at him and set her glass on the coffee table. "Let me run you a hot shower, help you relax a bit, Kitten?"

_That would be a start_, she thought. She watched as he made his was down the hall and didn't get up from the sofa until she heard the water start running in the bathroom. She disappeared into her bedroom and sat on her bed to inch off her boots. She felt as if she was moving through honey. Not even the thud of each boot hitting her bedroom floor could snap her out of her reverie. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there when Spike tapped on the door.

"It's open," she told him, implicitly inviting him into her bedroom. He looked at her, still fully dressed, save for the boots.

"Baby?" he asked quietly. She looked up at him and tried to force a smile, but it only resulted in making her look even more fragile. He went to her and knelt at her feet, wrapping his arms around her waist as he rested his head in her lap. They stayed like that for a few long moments, sitting in silence.

"Water's going to run cold, Love," he told her, looking into her eyes as he knelt between her thighs.

"Yeah, I know." Her voice was barely a whisper.

He knew it was a bold move even as his fingers found the hem of her red top appropriately emblazoned with the word "Temptress." He slid his hands over the soft skin of her belly, gently spanning her waist with his hands. His eyes were locked on hers as his fingers hooked onto the material and he lifted it from her body. He moved to just under the soft curve of her breast and stopped, his eyes asking her for permission to continue. Instead, she took the fabric in her own hands and pulled the shirt up over her head letting it fall behind her on the bed. He could feel his jeans tighten around his crotch as he took in the sight of Bella's silky, gold skin. Her hands moved to where his rested atop her thighs. His gaze dropped to her breasts, bound by the wispy red lace of her bra. She was beautiful. Bloody perfect. He watched as her hands moved to her belt buckle. She began fumbling with it, her fingers trembling just a bit, but not wanting to stop.

"Let me, Love," he said, taking the buckle into his own hands and deftly undoing it. He unbuttoned her jeans and then slid his hands under her ass to motion for her to stand so that he could continue undressing her. She watched as he slowly unzipped the jeans. Her eyes were wide with wonder as he slid the denim down her legs, helping her lift each foot out of them. He pulled the white cotton socks from her small feet and then looked up at her standing only in her bra and matching red lace thong. He still could not believe that she was just for him. He had never had anyone who was only his.

He ran his hands over her toned calves, his touch whisper-soft as he trailed up her thighs. He rose up, hands skimming her hips, her waist, and finally settling on the firm globes of her ass. He could feel her relaxing under his touch. She reached up and cradled his face in the palm of her hand and he felt her toe up so that she could reach his lips with hers. Her kiss was soft, tender, and her body began to meld into his. He could feel her nipples pebbling against his chest through the thin material of her bra. He reached up with one hand and unclasped it. He froze when she gasped into his mouth, worrying that he was moving to quickly for her. Instead of shying away, she stepped back and let the garmet fall to the floor. She watched his eyes change from sky blue to smoky midnight when she hooked her thumbs into her panties and slid them down her legs. She stood before him, completely exposed, yet she felt more confident than she ever had in her whole unlife. She loved the way his eyes drank in her body. He made her feel like a goddess.

He stepped toward her and without warning, his lips crashed down on hers. She let out a soft moan and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into the wet cavern. Spike could smell her arousal building, but refused to rush anything with her. He pulled away reluctantly and told her to get in the shower before the water cooled completely. She stared up at him, mouth still open, and nodded through her daze. She started toward the door and then stopped to look back at him. He tried to read the puzzlement on her face, hoping that she wasn't angry that he had stopped. Her eyes skimmed over his body and came to rest on his crotch.

"Haven't you ever heard the saying 'less is more?'" she suddenly asked.

He cocked his head to the side, unsure of what she meant. Was it the size of--

"Less clothes, Spike," she told him. "More fun."

He nodded dumbly as his hands came to rest on his belt buckle.

She stopped in the doorway and grinned.

"Meet me in the shower."


	18. Me, Myself and Angelus

Spike had almost forgotten the raw, animalistic rapture that resulted from being with another vampire. His experience had really been limited. As William, a soft-hearted poet, he hadn't ever experienced carnal pleasure. Drusilla, his sire, had been his first lover. She was demanding, brutal and skilled. His tender heart had been abused mercilessly by his sire. She was like a cat who used his heart for prey, toying with it before finally ripping it apart. His need for gentleness was often ignored and always taunted. He had been faithful to her until he met Buffy.

Sex with a human was softer, warmer and sweeter. But it was also violent, thrashing and angry since the human he had chosen to be with was the Slayer. If he pushed aside the heartbeat and the coarsing of thick, hot blood through her veins, she wasn't much different from Dru. She felt no tenderness toward him. Her actions were a culmination of self-loathing and ravenous desire to feel not just anything, but intense pleasure wrapped in a thick veil of pain. She called him evil and soulless. Truth be told, she could have said the same things about herself. The Slayer had become the very monster she claimed to despise. She was a calculating killer. She just killed those she deemed as beneath her. How different was she from those she killed when she acted as sole judge, jury and assassin of the undead and less than human?

Bella pulled the covers up around them and snuggled into Spike's bare chest. She had taken him as her first lover and hadn't been nearly as prepared as she thought she would be when he took full possession of her body and soul over and over again. The roars of pleasure that had emanated from her had been enough to wake the dead and undead alike. His expert hands and tongue had brought her to the brink of insanity countless times before she toppled over the edge. When their bodies finally fused together for the first time, the white-hot pain of her barrier being torn brought her to yet another shattering climax as all coherent thought slipped away. For their kind, pleasure and pain always went hand in hand. It was Spike's tenderness that had taken her by surprise. His whispered words of love and endearment made her quake with desire as their bodies slid slowly against each other. The way he begged to be fully hers had made her cry out her acquiesence as another high shook through her.

She felt her fangs descend and looked into his eyes for guidance. He slipped into game face and held her tightly to him. He ran his tongue over the blue vein on the side of her neck where her sire had taken her. He wanted nothing more than to erase them from her for all of eternity, to take away the brutal tears Artemius had left scarred on her pale, slender throat.

He motioned for her to do the same, exposing his neck to her. She nuzzled against it with her nose and was assaulted by the scent of his sire's mark. She looked back up at him, her eyes silently asking him if he was sure.

"Absolutely, Kitten," he assured her.

He had no doubt in his mind that she was the one. As Drusilla would say, it was in the stars. He felt her fingers brush curiously over the mark before she sank her fangs deeply into them. His whole body thrummed at the welcome entrance of her sharp incisors. Bella felt him pulsing inside of her in completion as she pulled on his borrowed blood.

"Mine," she whispered, lapping at the blood as it trickled from the twin puncture marks on his alabaster skin.

"Yours," he vowed, gasping at the sensations she had produced.

He felt her run her tongue over the marks to help them close. He laced his fingers into her thick, dark hair and sank his own fangs into her delicate neck. Her blood was even more powerful than Slayer's blood. It was tinged with centuries of knowledge and death. She tasted of innocense and great wisdom all at once. Her blood was created by a sire who had walked the earth for thousands of years. It was the darkest, richest, most intoxicating elixir he had ever sipped.

He pulled deeply, purring his pleasure into her skin as he hardened inside of her again.

"Mine," he managed to groan, as he pulled his mouth away. He watched the dark sanguine liquor ooze from the marks he had just made. It mesmerized him as he ran the tip of his tongue up the side of her neck to catch every last drop of the precious fluid she had surrendered to him.

"Yours," she cried as another climax rippled through her body. "Always," she promised.

* * *

Bella awoke to the sound of pounding on her door. She had no idea how long the visitor had been trying to wake them, but Spike was still wrapped around her purring peacefully. She pried his arms from around her waist, trying not to wake him. He stirred but didn't open his eyes. He truly did sleep like the dead, she thought, as she grabbed her robe from the back of the bedroom door.

She padded quickly down the hall and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already after sunset. She sniffed the air and smiled at Angel's scent. He'd made good on his word and made his way to the Home of the Hellmouth as soon as the sun went down.

Bella unlatched the deadbolt on the front door and grinned when she met Angel's agitated eyes. Apparently, he had been out there for awhile.

"I told you I'd be here at sunset," he grumbled, pushing his way in. "Are you just getting out of bed?"

Bella shut the door behind them and went to the kitchen to heat up some blood. She knew Spike would sense his grandsire's presence and snarl his way into the living room for a confrontation soon enough. She wondered how long it would take Angel to register Spike's scent.

Angel had made himself comfortable on the sofa while Bella rummaged through the kitchen. She dug out the bottle of peppered vodka and added a hefty amount to the saucepan of blood that was heating up on her stove. Spike seemed to think that it made the bottled animal blood a little more palatable. Bella had to stifle a giggle at the look on Angel's face as she poured the fiery liquid into the pan.

"So, uh..." Angel wasn't sure where to begin.

Bella poured the warmed blood into two mugs and then looked up at Angel.

"You hungry?" she asked.

He shook his head and watched as she continued dividing the thick liquid between the two mugs. He sniffed the air and cringed as his senses were flooded with his grandchilde's very unique signature. Spike was there. Angel knew that he should have expected it. He tensed up knowing that Spike would be rearing his lightning-blonde head at any moment and that sparks would fly as they always did when the two clansmen were in the same room.

Bella left a mug on the counter and carried hers to the coffee table where she joined Angel on the sofa. She crossed her arms and stared at him hard for a minute.

"What?" he finally sighed.

"Why do you hate him so much?" she found herself asking. "What did he ever do to you?"

What hadn't Spike done was the better question.

"I mean, seriously, Angelus," she frowned at him.

"It's Angel," he insisted firmly.

"Mmm-hmm. _Angel_," she repeated with just the right amount of bemusement to get under his already tingling skin. "What makes you so much better than him? I mean, in your mind. Because I really don't see much of a difference. Care to explain?"

Angel's spine tightened at Bella's words. She was a very direct creature. He was painfully aware of that. He was also sure that if he didn't give her the information she wanted freely, she'd take it from him. As Angelus, he had been a master at concealing his thoughts. But as Angel, the soul made it more difficult to keep a vampire as stealthy and as infused wth the blood of the ancients as she from invading his thoughts.

"He's evil," he replied a little too flippantly for Bella's taste.

"Really, now?" she asked, eyebrow arched indicating her doubt. "What makes him any more evil than Angelus?"

Angel hadn't come here for this. He had come to try and help the gang with the Hellmouth and the impending apocalypse. Bella was sidestepping. He knew that she wouldn't stop until she got the answers she wanted, though.

"Bella, it... we have a very... our past is...."

"Operative word, Soul Boy," she smirked. "_Past_."

Angel stared back at her. Her eyes were glittering and transluscent like seawater.

"We're all going to work together," she told him before leaning to retrieve her mug of blood from the table. She took a long sip from it, her eyes still focused on his. "Do you understand me?"

Angel nodded wearily. She was a very draining girl. Correction, creature.

"I've set the children straight. The Slayer and I have a very clear understanding. And the Watcher knows not to challenge me if he wants to see this apocalypse averted," she explained to him. "Now, I'm telling you... Liam."

His eyes widened at the use of his Christian name.

"I want to make damned sure that you, as man and beast, understand that I do not have to finish this unholy war. This was never my battle. You dragged me into it. And because I like this world and the presence of humans in it, I agreed to offer my assistance," she continued.

"Your assistance is predestined, Bella," he reminded her.

He felt a small bolt of electrical current run through his veins as Bella placed her hand on his.

"I am the mistress of my own destiny, you can be assured of that, Vampire," she seethed at him. "I stay because I choose to stay."

She heard the bedroom door creak open and saw Angel's gaze dart toward the direction of the sound. Spike stretched in the doorway before slowly making his way down the hall. Bella looked up at him with a sweet smile and nodded to the mug she'd left for him on the kitchen counter.

"I was hoping you'd join us before it got too cold," she smiled at her mate.

"Why didn't you wake me and let me know Peaches had arrived, Kitten?" he asked her lightly as he took the mug from the counter. He took a sip of the still-warm liquid. She'd spiked it with booze. Just the way he liked it.

"Trying to wake you is like trying to wake the dead, Darling," she joked. "Besides, Angelus and I needed to get a few things straight before pulling you into the fold."

Angel scowled again.

"Didn't we, Vampire?" she challenged him.

Angel's eyes flashed yellow at her. They were meant to be a warning, but he got the feeling she found it nothing less than amusing.

"So entertaining, Liam. Just like the humans," she smiled, voice thick with sarcasm. "I do believe that all four of us have come to either an agreement or a stalemate," she noted.

Spike's eyebrow shot up in question from where he sat on the barstool sipping his blood.

"Four?"

"Yes," Bella winked. "Angelus, Angel, Liam and me."

She was having fun dissecting Angel into the beings he had been. _He_ did it all the time. He was always protesting that he was not Angelus. Well, two could play at that game. And Bella was very good at games... she always won.

Angel let out a low growl as Spike burst into laughter.

"You make him sound like a bloody nutter," he observed with a smirk.

Angel shot his grandchilde a warning glare. They didn't know anything about how he had worked so hard to separate himself from the beast within. And Liam had died the night that Darla had drained him. He wanted nothing to do with that useless ponce.


End file.
